Maybe I'm stupid, but...

[Guest Beth]

This could be seen as the most stupid thing I'm going to do in my quest to defeat my demons, but for some reason I think it's right. I told my teacher about my ocd and how it could affect my exams and has already affected my schoolwork. He told my history teacher because he is the head of exams at our school, he asked for permission to tell him and i gave him it. He wants me to tell my mom about my talk with him and talk through options like hypnotherapy as a short term solution to my exams. My history teacher wants to see me after the holidays.

Maybe deep down I'm just avoiding the whole thing because I'm really scared, embarrassed and ashamed to talk to my history teacher. I'm not his biggest fan, he can be sexist and it bugs me. More importantly I sit by his desk and I don't want to become a freak show with him watching me re-write things and its the same for the head of sixth form who also teaches me. Part of me wishes I'd never said anyhting to anyone at all, I wish only I knew, I've become very ashamed all of a sudden, I used to think if I didn't keep it a secret then it wouldn't be something to be ashamed of and wouldn't be as a big of a burden that no one can tlak about, but I was wrong.

I've decided that when I go back to school (first day back my history teacher will teach me), I'm going to tell them to forget it. :omg: This may sound like the wrong thing to do, maybe it seems like a step backwards in defeating the ocd, but I see it differently. The more I think about this, if I go towards hypnotherapy every day I have an exam or end up writing on a computer in the exam and for the rest of my life from fear of picking up a pen, then won't I be changing my life and avoiding the ocd rather than confronting it. I read that exposure can help and maybe I should be doing this with proffesional help but that doesn't seem to be an option right now. I am going to go in that exam and write with a pen. So far I have done work out of school on computer, all work in school is in pencil, that cuts down mess but not time.

The fact is it has affected me writing on computer too, and if that goes I'm screwed, unless I face it now. From now on I will write in pen () and I will confront it, and hopefully it will get easier before the exams, I'm not going to give in to the ocd, and let it ruin my life. I will tell the teachers this and hopefully they will understand and not bring the topic up again. Though I am scared they'll think I've been wasting their time, I just had to come to terms with the ocd and even though it's been months since the doctor kinda said I had it, only now is it slowly registering. I'm still waiting for the tears though, I miss them so much.

I think confronting it is the best option, maybe I'm wrong, but I refuse to run away any longer, this is my life not the ocd's, it can get the hell out of here.

Beth

Thanx for listening to me go on and on, am I crazy for thinking this is the right thing to do?

[Caramoole]

From now on I will write in pen () and I will confront it, and hopefully it will get easier before the exams, I'm not going to give in to the ocd, and let it ruin my life

If you can do this and manage Beth, then good on you Girl This is actually the way to beat OCD by doing the thing you fear. Hopefully, you might find that the fear caused by the 'thought' of doing it, is actually greater than the doing it itself.

Don't shut off all the other options though, your teachers do know now and could be a help in case of a flare up. Hypnotherapy won't cure you but it could help with relaxation.

Good Luck Beth, you look to be making some good progress

[whitebeam]

I think confronting it is the best option, maybe I'm wrong, but I refuse to run away any longer, this is my life not the ocd's, it can get the hell out of here.

37673[/snapback]

Beth, this is definitely the right thing to do .

Part of me wishes I'd never said anyhting to anyone at all, I wish only I knew, I've become very ashamed all of a sudden, I used to think if I didn't keep it a secret then it wouldn't be something to be ashamed of and wouldn't be as a big of a burden that no one can tlak about, but I was wrong.

I really don't think you should feel ashamed - having OCD is nothing to be ashamed of - it is an illness or condition as is any other.

I think it has probably been a good thing to let your teachers know - not so that they will treat you any differently - but if things do go pear-shaped in an exam or something, they will understand the reason.....just my thoughts on it.

Take care

whitebeam

[Guest hayley73]

Hi Beth

First of all YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OFF.!!!!! I agree with the others OCD is an illness like any other.

I think that you did the right thing in telling your teacher about your OCD. Letting people know you are struggling, there is no shame in that.

If you think you can do your exams as normal, thats great. But, please do not put any pressure on yourself. From personal experience, pressure can cause anxiety which in turn can then make the OCD symptoms worst. I think you are brave doing exams in the first place!!!!! I used to fall apart when it came to exams, my mind just used to go totally blank!!!!

The fact that you are fighting on and looking for solutions shows what a brave and determined person you are. So, whatever you decide it will be the best outcome for you.

All the best

Hayley

[Guest Beth]

I'm worried about people knowing I have ocd though, because my doctor didn't actually say 'you have ocd' when we talked and I haven't seen a pyschiatrist. I'm really thinking I don't have it and I'm just a hyprochondriac, but I didn't know what ocd was until a year into my rituals. Maybe my doctor is right maybe it is just a phase. When I think about exposure and not doing a ritual it seems easy in my mind and last night I nearly didn't check my lights and door because I nearly fell asleep, then I thought about it and thought I won't, but I did and I don't know if that was the ocd or part of me saying thats what you're supposed to do. I would hate myself if I was faking but I don't see why I would put myself through the frustration for no reason. maybe my ocd isn't bad enough to be classed as ocd maybe its just the way I am and I check things.

I don't want ocd, but people now know I have it and if I discovered I didn't they'd think I was a liar for all this but the truth is I do stand at the sink and wash my hands in a near perfect routine until it feels right, even if my hands are freezing cold and can only just feel. I'm so confused, I am seriosuly doubting if I have ocd or not, and I've been waiting for my referral for two months now.

Beth

[Caramoole]

Doubting that you have OCD is probably the one single factor that every OCD sufferer has, even though some of us may be further down the track.

That's why it's dubbed as 'The Doubting Disease'

Diagnosis is helpful, as it helps point you in the direction of the resources that can help. However, I think it is more than likely that it's easy enough to identify yourself that you have OCD.

Understanding the 'theory' is the easy bit, putting it into practice is where the hard work starts. We're all guilty of that.

Try not to worry that you've divulged this to your teachers, it's done now and can't be undone. Teachers are professionals and will not discuss this with others who should not be in the know, your secret is safe and can only be discussed if you choose to.

So come on lady, what achievement are you going to aim for tonight?

[Guest hayley73]

Hi Beth

Stop tormenting yourself. With what you describe it sounds like OCD to me. You know the saying 'it takes one to know one'. I'm sure nearly everyone on these boards identify with what you saying concerning your symptoms. Maybe the doctor that you saw isn't that clued up on OCD. You are no way a fake. You have obviously been suffering. Stop feeling guilty girl!!!!

Has for your referal. Well in my experience these things never happen quickly. Ifyou feel you need to see someone sooner then go back to your GP. If your GP is unsympathetic, try another GP.