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Guest Harri

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Guest Harri

i'm having a really bad day. i've been up all night with my baby (think he has a bit of a dodgy belly) i'm really struggling with breastfeeding as it feels like it's constant and i worry (excessively) that josh isn't getting enough milk, to the point where i wonder about waking him up all the time to feed (although i don't coz he needs his sleep and i would worry about him not getting enough sleep)

basically i'm not good enough to do all this, i'm a rubbish mother and a rubbish wife. i feel completely useless. the house is a disaster area and i hate it. i've got family coming over tomorrow and i have to somehow tidy the house, cook a meal and look after a baby. i can't cope. it's all going wrong and i don't know what to do. i feel incredibly guilty for josh coz he's not getting the mother he deserves.

i'll never be good enough, i'm a complete failure and every day i fail a little bit more.

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Guest hayley73

Harri you are not a failure. Being a Mum is exhausting at times. I don't know nothing about breastfeeding to be honest I have never even tried on any of my 3 biological kids (I have a stepson I'm raising too). I guess he is being weighed regular. They is no reason to beat yourself up if you decide breastfeeding aint for you either. How does hubby feel? Can you express any milk so he can give the odd bottle?

As for the house. Forget it. My house looks like a warzone the best of times. You are spending time with your baby and that's the most important. When Josh is content or sleeping you relax or sleep. If others don't like it they don't have to come over :thumb up: Some days when it's all piling up (well most days actually lol) I try to do the priorities. That is clean clothes for us and food. Everything else can wait. Forget about tones of ironing. I only iron something when we are gonna wear it these days. I haven't got hours to stand ironing and nor would I want to anyway. :whistling: I never iron bedding or pyjamas either. Who cares if they are creased? After one night they are anyway :laugh: If I am just to shattered or haven't got time to stick washing on the line I bung it in the tumble dryer. Probably not very green but there you go. :rolleyes:

Are you getting any support from your health visitor? I have to be honest I got a different health visitor on my 3rd baby and she has been awesome. I opened up about my depression and OCD. I couldn't have got through my son's autism diagnoses without her. My 3 year old daughter (3rd baby) is now undergoing assesments. Looks like she might have Aspergers Syndrome like her half brother. This health visitor is fab. She has even sat with me when I have been crying and felt like ended it all or walking away. Do you have a homestart in your area? I have had 2 volunteers from them. They come in and befriend a family with a child under 5 under some sort of stress or difficultly.

It's not all bad though hun. Enjoy this lovely weather by going for walks. Sit Joshua in a little bouncy chair while you are pottering around the house. Get some music on. I used to feel so bad when my daughter was a baby. I didn't always have chance (cause of the other kids) to sit and cuddle her. But she had plenty of interaction and stimulation from everything going on around her.

Big hugs hunny. If you ever want to offload send me a message through Facebook. I see you on their often and I am one their at least once a day so I will see it. Just stick a note on my wall telling me you have inboxed cause it doesnt always show x

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i'm having a really bad day. i've been up all night with my baby (think he has a bit of a dodgy belly) i'm really struggling with breastfeeding as it feels like it's constant and i worry (excessively) that josh isn't getting enough milk, to the point where i wonder about waking him up all the time to feed (although i don't coz he needs his sleep and i would worry about him not getting enough sleep)

basically i'm not good enough to do all this, i'm a rubbish mother and a rubbish wife. i feel completely useless. the house is a disaster area and i hate it. i've got family coming over tomorrow and i have to somehow tidy the house, cook a meal and look after a baby. i can't cope. it's all going wrong and i don't know what to do. i feel incredibly guilty for josh coz he's not getting the mother he deserves.

i'll never be good enough, i'm a complete failure and every day i fail a little bit more.

Hi Harri,

I'm sure you're doing really well. Having a new baby must turn your life upside down and with OCD in the equation, I imagine it is tough.

Hayley's given you some great advice. I don't know much about baby things but ref the house - don't worry if it's untidy - your family are coming to see you, Josh and hubby (I can never remember his name)I'm sure they won't mind that things aren't tidied away.

Try to enjoy their visit - and enjoy your lovely baby.

I'm sure you're a lovely Mum.

Take care

whitebeam

Edited by whitebeam
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Harri, EVERY new mum feels like this.......every single one. Its so hard, noone can ever tell you or prepare you for it. Yes, breastfeeding is constant, just accept that that is how it is, put your feet up, put rubbish on the telly and have aplate of biccies next to you, and just feed away, you don't need to go out, tidy the house etc. YOUR JOB AT THE MOMENT IS TO FEED AND LOOK AFTER THAT BABY, NOTHING ELSE. With regards to your visitors, are they happy to muck in and help. I can recommend fillmybelly .com , where you can order local takeaways, and choose what time it gets delivered!!!!!!! Make a joke about it, keep it light hearted, just say "sorry about the mess, and we're hvaing a takeaway tonight, I've found a lovely chinese etc etc" If I went to someone's house and they said we were having a takeaway, I would be well happy. People don't want you to get stressed by their visit, they want to see the baby!!!!!!!! Noone expects a tidy house when you have a new baby, one health visitor said to me that they would worry if the house was tidy. Joshua doesn't notice the state of the house. You have to learn to let some things go, cut corners and get priorities right. If the house is a mess, so be it. If you have to feed all day long, so be it. I remember when my second was a baby, I used to drop the older one at playschool, go home , stick This Morning on, have a cup of tea and aplate of chocolate digestives, and stick the baby on my boob all morning. I too used to worry that he did not get enough milk, I was by no means a natural with enormous udders leaking milk left right and centre, but I stuck at it. My first baby, well I didn't manage to breast feed him despite my best efforts. Ironically I used to worry he was putting on too much weight!. You can't win, so don't try to. Put your feet up, eat and drink lots, and concentrate on that baby. Stuff the house, stuff the visitors, you need to look after YOU. Listen to your aunty nic, love nic xxxxxxxxxxx

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