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Feeling crippled with intense fear


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Hello

Just really need to speak to someone with how Im feeling, my anxiety levels and my obsessive thoughts are over the roof!

I am currently in Leeds, staying with my husband as he works away, and I have come here with my son just to spend a little time with him. At the moment my hubby is at work and me and my son are alone in the flat!

The reason I am feeling so anxious is because I am in a flat that is 7 floors high!!!! And it has a balcony and really dont like the look of it, so have locked the doors and closed the blinds, hights yes no wonder Im anxious.... But not just that, My OCD thoughts are really playing me up and I feel like crying!

My thoughts are scaring me cos I keep thinking irrational thoughts about throwing my son of the balcony!!!! Which I wouldnt I love my son too much to do just a thing!

But this is where the fear is coming from and I really hate it! Keep having horrible images, of his body lying on the floor after Ive done it.... Why am I thinking such horrible things.... please help me, Im scared! Do I need to be locked up or somthing!!!!

Jo

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Relax. It doesn't matter what thoughts are in your head, OCD can't control you, your always going to be in control and therefore you would never do anything like that.

Also, try to take your mind off how high up you are. Just try and focus on your day.

Edited by J.D
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Why am I thinking such horrible things.... please help me, Im scared! Do I need to be locked up or somthing!!!!

:no: No, you don't need to be locked up, this is anxiety/OCD.

You're in a place away from home, you're Husband is at work, your anxious and your mind has run away with your thoughts.

When anxiety rises, like's happening today, it is usually fuelled by the things we're saying to ourself. You may have got up this morning feeling anxious at the prospect of being alone, then you probably start thinking about hour many hours till your Husband gets back, then you start wondering what will happen if you panic and there's no one around. True to form that makes you feel more anxious, so you add even more fear thoughts and spend much of the day trying to work out a plan of how to prevent the anxiety or how to escape without making a fool of yourself.

For an OCD sufferer, being seven floors up is an obvious target for it to latch on to. When we're very anxious our brain starts scanning our surroundings for possible dangers, for reasons why we feel anxious. Your mind has identified this as a potential danger and the OCD has run with it.

THIS IS A FALSE ERROR MESSAGE It's scary but there's no real danger to you or your Son.

One of the best things you could (and ought to) do is open the curtains. Try and think about it logically, closing the curtains doesn't do a thing, it doesn't provide any safety, it doesn't even stop the thoughts...even with the curtains closed I would imagine that the thoughts are still racing.

I do understand the height thing, it's one I've had myself in the past. If you think about it, it doesn't matter whether you're one floor up or seven...a fall from either would inflict similar harm but seven floors gives us visual mis-information that there's a problem.

You need to take a bit of time to try and settle the anxiety. Make a drink, sit down and try and slow your breathing....concentrate on relaxing you tummy muscles, your shoulders (that you're probably tensing tightly) and relabel this for what it is....high anxiety and OCD.

It also helps to keep busy with something, preferably something physical. Is there anything you can do with your Son, is there anything you can get busy with?

See if you can open the curtains again, never mind the door for now....but give it a go if you can.

You will be okay, promise :)

Caramoole

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Guest mummywithocd

HI there, God, I know how hard this is for you. I live in an apartment as well and when I was pregnant with my second child I was out on the balcony with my first child in my arms and the thought popped into my head "what if I threw her over" needless to say shivers ran up and down my body and I started to feel sick to my stomach, I ran iside put down the shutters (it´s a continental security thing on windows and doors) closed the curtains and continued to do that for the next year!! We never went on to the balcony and when I was alone with her I kept us locked in.

The thing is, because I never tackled that fear,the ocd just latched onto something else and as I became preoccuped with other dangers the fear of the balcony went away but the ocd didn´t-do you know what I´m saying?

Caramoole´s advice and insight is fantastic-tackle this fear, stand up to the ocd because although closing the curtains makes you feel safe now,ocd won´t give up that easy.

I know how real the fear is and my thoughts are with you during this,

take care Helenx

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Thank you for all your kind words.... I did manage to open the curtains in the end lol. And to be honest, Just felt basically the same so closing them didnt really help anyways. Glad I opened them tho!

So thank you all, just needed to get it off my chest, felt so horrible and emotional, feeling a little guilty now for having such thoughts too, but thats OCD!

Feel more chilled now my hubby is back tho.

Thanks Jo x

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