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Checking is ruining my life.


Guest Beth

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I was wondering about this thing I tend to do and whether its part of the ocd.

When I watch a programme (on Sky+) or a film, if I mis hear something and aren't sure what they said and are alone in the room, I will rewind back to check the details, and I'll keep doing it, it's the say with reading, apart from the rewinding part of that process obviously.

Today I've really noticed it, I was watching my favourite film and even though I know it well I kept rewinding back over and over, at one point near the end I thought there was a referal to something soemone had said at the beginning, and I couldn't stop thinking about it, and instead of waiting til the end of the film like I told myself to do, I rewound it back to the beginning to check and fast-forwarded it to where I was near the end of the film. Also I was just watching a film and only got about 30 minutes in even though I started watching it around about 11pm and stopped watching it at about 12:20am. I couldn't stand the checking over and over again and I gave up even though I really wanted to watch it.

When I read (something I love to do) I check on the details, I was looking up an actor I recognized and I kept having to check his birthdate and his birthplace and how tall he was, and then compare it to another actor in a film or tv series with him. It really gets to me because I can't not do it, I have to, and it takes ages, I'm getting really sick of it.

I think this is ocd, and it is one of my main problems, I think I've identified my main issue as checking and re-reading and re-writing, and even though I feel the need to wash my hands after touching certain things (like bins or even a plant) I think that is also checking because I'm checking they are clean and I do it by washing in a routine which actually changes a lot, I can change the routine I just can't get rid of it all together. Checking is my issue I think, I just don't think it's to the extent that it could be classed as OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I think I know you are aware of what OCD stands for but I have to be clear when I write, even if it's notes I find abbreviations too hard to use I have to put the whole word somewhere and show what the abbreviation means, the teacher who knows about my ocd said he actually noticed that in my coursework I was thorough and kept repeating things (which led to me going over the word limit). If only you knew how many words I change in my posts to make them more understandable. I also edit some of my posts afterwards because I read them and think I should have explained a bit more, and also any slight mistake I notice I feel I should correct. I have to make things clear, and I try not to assume anything so I use the words 'I think', 'might', 'perhaps', 'maybe', a lot of the time, just incase I'm wrong, also I need to write extra words otherwise if I'm a word over a line and the next line has just one word on it that word might feel left out and perhaps get angry at me, so I feel the need to write more and add words.

:)

I need to stop writing, then it won't affect me, but if I did that I wouldn't be able to write, listen or read. I can't listen to a song as if I can't hear the lyric properly I end up searching for them on the internet or if it's an album in the album booklet, all it takes is a little bit of doubt and I check. Must check I have full stops at the end of sentences, I wish I could fit a full stop in in my 'Topic Description'. I'll put it here so it has one and so that it isn't left out and doesn't get upset.. (Yes I do think that everything is a living thing and will hurt me if I leave it out, no offence to the 'Topic Description', I'm just truly insane).

:)

Thank you for reading this Beth.

You can't tell but I've edited this post because it wasn't thorough or clear enough. By the way I'll be quiet now as I keep going on and on. Bye bye.

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So, come on Beth, you know what you've got to do :)

Try to start building some time delays in before you check. As Schwarz says, I am having a compulsive 'Urge' to check this, I will wait 15 minutes (or less) before I check.

Acknowledge what you are learning you know and build some challenges in :)

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Checking is my issue I think, I just don't think it's to the extent that it could be classed as OCD

38561[/snapback]

Hi Beth,

I'm not an expert, but I would think that your checking would be that extent. If it's hampering your schoolwork - which I imagine it must be doing with all the re-writing and so on, I think it would classify as OCD and it would be worth seeing someone to try and sort it out.

(I can't remember where you have got to on the referral front (sorry :thumbdown: ) but the sooner would be better so you can nip this in the bud.)

I also edit some of my posts afterwards because I read them and think I should have explained a bit more, and also any slight mistake I notice I feel I should correct. I have to make things clear, and I try not to assume anything so I use the words 'I think', 'might', 'perhaps', 'maybe', a lot of the time, just incase I'm wrong,

38561[/snapback]

I used to do this a lot - I still do to some extent but I think I have more confidence now. However, I do tend to use 'perhaps', 'maybe' 'might' 'think' a lot for the same reason as you. Maybe it's right to do that as we don't know all the answers etc. but I am aware of doing this.

Hope you soon get some of your checking under control.

Take care

whitebeam

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I have a screening assessment appointment coming up, after that I will be put on the referral waiting list. I think my school work problem with writing has actually decreased since I told my teacher which is so typical. Saying that I haven't wrote much in the past two weeks because of the holidays, in fact I've only done crosswords (I'm an addict to puzzles) and I have trouble writing the letters sometimes, and I've tried to make notes but I avoid it, in my head though when I think about writing I think I could do it and it's like I think I can go without checking my lights at night but I still do it, I get to the point where I look forward to going to sleep but when it comes down to it I don't want to sleep because it means checking, and no matter how far I tell myself I don't need to do it and I sometimes think I can go without doing it, but I do it, thats why I doubt I have ocd because there's that split second where I don't want feel the need to do it.

For the first time ever a couple of nights ago I actually had to turn my computer back on at about 2am when everyone else was asleep, just to check a small detail that could have waited, but part of me feels I did it to convince myself that I have ocd and that I'm actually a horrible person who is lying, but would I go that far if I was faking it? It's like listening to music, when I put a CD in my CD player I have to look away and stop myself from making sure the CD goes in perfectly straight, I also do it when I put the CD's back in their cases, though I stopped doing it for a while, now I'm doing it again.

I'm confused and for no reason nearly cried then, but didn't as usual.

Beth

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Guest Gurstang

Beth

Its good that you've decided to go to your appointment, it'll be for the best you'll see.

You are not alone with your problems, i'm almost the same with my checking so i can kinda know how you might be feeling.

Your urge to check your work on the computer is almost definatly ocd, the very fact that you questioned wether it was ocd is itself the ocd working. You aren't faking it this is a very real thing, and that is what you must remember.

Have you started an ocd diary? you may find that writing down your feelings and problems in a diary can help you to fight this and it will help you at your appointment when you go as evedence of your particular qwerks. (and can help you to see whats going on too)

feel free to PM me if you need

Gurstang :thumbdown:

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