worried about my toddler - am I teaching her bad habits?

[Sarahb]

Hi all.

Sorry I haven't been around for ages. Didn't realise how tiring having a toddler would be!

I have had checking/ responsibility OCD for about 13 years.

My 16 month old daughter is developing wonderfully. She is a happy, contented child. She constantly chats and has a good understanding of what people are saying to her. But, she is starting to get very worried if she gets food on her hands or drops food in her bib or on the table. She won't eat until I have cleaned it up. I know when she was a lot younger I would clean up spills and dirty hands pretty quickly, because I didn't want her to get food in her hair or on her clothes. I don't like food or dirt on my own hands and have to wash them pretty quickly if I get them dirty. I am worried that I have made my daughter like this and it is the start of something bigger like OCD. Also my OCD flairs up when I am tired and I check whether I have switched off lights or that things are clean before putting them down. When I do this I count and click my fingers etc. I know I need to stop it and I do try and do things in my head instead. She worries if she knocks books off the shelf too (not such a serious problem). I don't want to cause my daughter to have OCD.

I don't know whether anyone has experienced anything like this and has any advice?

Thanks

Sarah

xx

[carolj]

Sarah, Im no expert and I dont have OCD, my son does, but how about having fun with the things which your daughter worries about? It might be difficult for you, but lots of messy play, painting, helping mummy make a cake, knock all the books off the shelf and put them back up together. When she sees that you think its funny, she might too.

Carol

[Sarahb]

Thanks Carol. It will be difficult for me, but I will give it a go. Good exposure for both of us

[carolj]

Let us know how it goes!

[joanne123]

hey sarah b i too worry about passing it on to my little girl. I have found she did not like her hands dirty and always wanted them wiped so i just kept telling her it will not hurt her to have messy hands and kept the wipes where she could not get them so got used to having messy hands and knew it was ok

[Guest emsy]

I have the same worry, I know my OCD started as a young child although of course I didn't know it was OCD. I used to have lots and lots of checking rituals, low self esteem, food issues .... you name it. Now for me its health OCD.

I am really trying hard not to pass this on to my kids, when I am in the grips of an OCD episode though I know that they pick up on it. I try so hard though and really understand how you are feeling xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Caramoole]

How's it going Sarah, have you made any progress?

Caramoole

[Sarahb]

Hi there Caramoole

Just found an old message from you from 2008 when I had finished therapy and I was feeling positive about the future. I have been going down memory lane a bit, because I have been feeling pretty low, irritable and anxious recently and wanted to remind myself how far I had come. It has made me realise that I shouldn't try and get therapy or meds this time round, because I rely on them to strongly. I need to beat it on my own this time. This is linked to my topic, because I am worried about how my frame of mind at the moment is affecting my daughter at the moment. I know she notices my worry because she says, 'Don't worry Mummy'. This breaks my heart. She is only 2. She worries sometimes too and needs reassurance to stop her worrying.

There has been progress though. We do painting and sticking at home and I try not to get irritable about the mess. I sometimes spoil it by getting upset and cross, but I am trying. My OCD is a lot better, but believe this is partly because I am at home most of the time and don't go out for long if I go anywhere, so my need to check is a lot less than when I was working and out all day.

My problem now is the anxiety - overall (I worry all the time) and my social anxiety. I am also always tired and irritable most of the time. I don't think I should go down the therapy or meds route, but I am struggling. It is work in progress at the moment :original:

Well that's what is happening so far.

Sarah

[Guest FobicFairy]

Hi Sarah,

I am sorry to hear things are hard for you, I think having something as time consuming as a child can cause you to take your eye off the ball (ocd) and then bad habits creep back in. Yes you have the skills to keep on top of your OCD, however, if you can get a CBT top up then why not take it? You would probably find after just a short while you would nip things in the bud. There is no shame in getting support if it means you get better sooner, and things are easier for you and your little one. CBT is much easier to do when you have somewhere to go each week where you talk about goals and have limited times in which to do the therapy, it's harder to stay focussed when doing CBT alone, and when you have a toddler on your hands it's difficult to find the time.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well and hope that you start to feel better soon. You have beaten your OCD before so you know you can do it again.

FF x

[Sarahb]

Thanks for your message Fobic Fairy :original:

I had been doing so well and the OCD has been okay. Like you say having a child takes up so much of my time. It seems that it is general anxiety that is affecting me more now. I suppose that is why I haven't come onto the forum to talk about it. I still check things, but nowhere near how much I used to. I have been doing a lot of thinking and what worries me about going back to therapy is that I become so reliant on therapists. I haven't ruled it out though. I really don't want to go back on meds. I hope I can get through this blip without needing help. I think I know what triggered the low mood. I stopped going to a choir I joined last year. I liked being part of a group and I love singing. It was the social anxiety that made it impossible in the end. I then got really down about my anxiety and the way it stops me from doing things. Also this real worry about the way the anxiety is affecting my daughter. I'll work it out :original:

Sarah xx