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rachel23

Thoughts or feelings?

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Does anybody else ever get confused as to if a thought is simply a thought or an actual feeling if that makes sense?

I suffer from horrible sexual related thoughts and sometimes after analysing them and playing them over and over in my head I can't make sense if it was just an intrusive thought that meant nothing or a feeling. After going over these thoughts in my head I ask myself do I really enjoy them then I think yes I did, but is that just another thought or my true feelings, is it ocd telling me I enjoy the thoughts or is it my true feeelings? Wow so deep and confusing! I've read lots and lots about ocd and I know it can create faulty feelings, doubts etc but it's so hard for me to distinguise what is just a stupid thought and what I truly feel.

I have been diagnosed with ocd and had cbt after going through some terrible times. I've been doing ok most of this year but just having a bit of a hard time at the moment, not as bad as it has been but just not doing great. I've managed to not go over and over the thoughts as much as I used to, to just let them be there and I must admit the fear and dread does wear off. However I just feel really sad and guilty and an awful person for ever having these thoughts in the first place and because I'm not going over the thoughts as much anymore and they don't make me as anxious I then think well this can't be ocd (I know typical ocd symptom)!

This year has been pretty good and I haven't even had any of these awful thoughts for a long time (or if I had I've just dismissed them without even realising it). I just think this had started again because i've decided to go travelling in a month. It's something I've wanted to do all my life and I just thought I can't let ocd stop me. I was feeling so good when I booked it, but I started to think I must make sure I dont get these thoughts when I'm away so I started thinking them, checking them and it's started the cycle again. I just want to look forward to it and get excited like a normal person would, it should be an experience of a lifetime but I'm scared this horrible illness won't let it be.

Like I said I'm not doing terribly, just a bit sad at the moment

xx

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Guest legend

I think this is one of the problems with ocd,is that we tend to attach ourselves to the thoughts, in a way that we feel that we are responsible for

them.

Unfortunatly, thoughts and thought control is something we have no control over, and ALL humans will have had these thoughts some point in there

lives, but as non sufferers they are able to brush them off.... meaningless junk.

Look forwards to that break, but do try to not "test" yourself as your falling into the loops again. IF they do return you have the knowlegde and tools

to stick 2 fingers up to the pathetic bully.

You are you, you are not ocd and dont be so hard on yourself about the thoughts, its not your fault your brain mis-fires !

legend

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I guess that's true - when a normal person gets a horrible thought they just dismiss them, end of. I tend to analyse the thoughts, ask questions and think so deeply, go over every possibility of what the thought means and what I feel about it and then you just get lost and trapped in the thought and lose what you really think/feel about it (well I used to, am not doing it as much at the moment).

It's so tough, i feel as though I know a lot about ocd, through reading, therapy and on here but I still cant accept that it is definately ocd and not something else. All the signs are there that it is but then I think to myself if I know it's ocd and I have all this info about ocd why do I let these thoughts bother me still.

I'm trying to just let the thoughts be there and not ruminate and I'm doing well but I feel so on edge, sad and mentally drained.

x

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Rachel I know exactly what you mean, I always think that after going over everything so much sometimes you get feelings which of course are related to the thoughts but that nagging doubt in the back of your mind always trys to persuade you it is really you and not your thoughts making you feel things. Which of course it is not and never will .

Just try not to check and re check because then you begin to feel things u dont want to and get confused ect ect.

Focus on the amazing time you will have travelling!

Take care :)

Lola xoxoxo

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Guest legend

If you low mate, then do speak to a dr. perhaps a meds review etc might help. Its hard fighting ocd on a day to day basis, but you mustnt let it prevent you

from doing whay you want to do (easier said!!) but we have to

take care

legend

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Thanks Lola, that's really sweet of u :)

I'm doing quite well not checking and going over the thoughts but then I think back to when I've checked etc in the past and some of the things I've thought or or thought I felt in the past and it just fills me with dread.

I'm trying to hang in there, be stong and hope things get better in time :)

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Thanks Legend but i think I'm going to be ok. To be honest going to the doc is a waste of time for me, which I've learnt in the past. They don't have a clue and aksed me if I was drinking/taking drugs when I told her about thoughts etc. She refered me to a counseller but I didn't want to go into my thoughts and ocd becuae she wasn't trained in it. I had cbt privately but it took hitting rock bottom to go to have cbt, I wanted to go to somebody that I knew specialised in treating ocd. I'm not on any meds and I don't wish to be, although of course I know they are so helpful for some.

I'm not going to stop me from living my life, I've achieved some amazing things in my life all whilst having ocd and I'm proud of myself, but I just wish I could have achuieved them without also living with ocd!

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Guest legend

Think the last paragraph sums it up to a "t"... . its a horrid thing at times. grrr . take care though,// keep battling, and never say never

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