Biggest fear came true today! Total panic (HIV)

[cam]

Hi guys

Havnt been here for a good while as I've been doing alot better. Had a major freak out today though and I am in a right panic at work. Posting this via my phone

A customer came in today and wanted to trade in a DS game for cash and he looked quite drugged up. I opened the box to check the game and there was a syringe laying inside the box!!

I totally froze to the spot a d everything went in slow motion around me. He snatched it out of the box and said he didn't know how that go there.

My mind is a mess and I just want to run home but I can't as I am in charge today for the last time before I start my new branch Ive been prompted to tmmw. Worst possible timing as I'm already stressing that I'm going to fail my new role and my sleep has been terrible cos of this

I don't know why I am posting, but my mind is telling me I pricked myself when I know deep down I didn't. I saw a red dot of blood but can't tell if it was inside the syringe or not. I just can't stop replaying the situation Grrr

[Guest FobicFairy]

Hi Cam,

You know the facts about HIV, I don't know you personally but anyone that has that type of fear knows what needs to happen for it to pass from one person to another. I empathise at your situation, what an awful thing to happen at such an important time, its very unfortunate indeed. However, you know this is OCD and not your real thoughts, you said so yourself in your post. I guess the OCD trigger is probably worse because you are already anxious about your job, but please try to stay calm and be mindful of your own chosen thoughts, not the OCD thoughts.

When you get an OCD thought stop and tell yourself it's an OCD thought, that way in time you can quickly separate reality from OCD. I know it's going to be hard to struggle through the next few days, a new job is enough stress without OCD, but if you can keep calm and tell yourself this isn't going to last long maybe it will help you through. You have been here before so you know from experience it will pass. Hang on in there.

FF

[Guest FlyingEagle]

Would it help to think of that experience as exposure therapy? With each day passing you will find yourself still here (i hope) so the anxiety should subside.

[Ashley]

I don't know why I am posting, but my mind is telling me I pricked myself when I know deep down I didn't.

Hi Cam, the first thing to remember is even people without that form of OCD would be worried and anxious... but, lets focus on this statement for a moment. Your OCD is making you 'worried' you 'might' have pricked your finger. Those two highlighted words are key to focus on.

Worries are just worries. not sign of imminent danger. Also, treat it as just a thought, not a reality and most importantly, stop questioning yourself and what happened, stop thinking back to it as that will simply create more doubts.

Remember, it's a thought and a worry and whilst out thoughts and worries are sometimes not nice, they cant actually hurt us.

[cam]

Thank you guys, i managed to get through the shift. Such a struggle, i feel bad for flying in here and ranting on.

I have gotten sooo much better and deal with things in a much better way these days. But this totally knocked the wind out of me. Its totally disgusting and Ashley your right i need to stop thinkin g back. I keep thinking "did the needle have a lid on it?" etc i have even replayed putting a pen into a empty DS case to see how i opened the case!

i do feel like i have let myself down, i hope i can pull it together for my big new start 1st thing!

[Guest legend]

Cam mate, you tripped up ...so what ... i did many times !! and this is common if we go through a "stress" time

so pick yaself up, dust yaself down, and walk forwards ..... youve done brill mate

good luck with everything

[cam]

Thanks Legend, good to know that even a pro has the odd blip

i am trying to focus on the fact also that i laughed it off to the customer and said its ok when he said he didnt know how that was in the box. If i pricked myself i wouldnt have said that and would have screamed or something

so this shows to me that its just OCD trying to fool me into things that didnt happen.

[Guest legend]

not had a blip for a long long while buddy ... but its important that to remind people that when we are doing well that sometimes

we might get that " EEEK "..... but what we have to recognise them

looking for advice .. its probable that you already knew the answer !!

legend

[cam]

Hi guys

back again, the thought just wont go away and it keeps getting mentioned by staff that are hearing about it so im having to re tell what happend as its never happend before.

i cant stop reviewing it in my mind, and as Ashley said it is causing more doubt. Even checking my hands to see if a scractch looks older than the day it happend. And i cant remember if the needle had a lid on it (thats the main one i keep going over)

what would be the best tips to stop reviewing it over and over?

Its my birthday tmmw and i am so worried its gonna be ruined about this stupid situation

thanks again guys

[Flower girl]

Hiya cam, I know you want answers and to know what to do to make the thought go away, trouble is you can't make the thought go away and by trying you are giving it more importance. These thoughts come and go like waves one min you will think it's ok the next there's those feelings again. So just sit with the thoughts and feelings when you get them wait for the anxiety to pass - cos it will! Each time the thoughts come back just think ok that thought again and ride it out. It is hard but by expecting to have the thought again and not questioning it will make it easier to deal with. Hope you have a lovely birthday x

(null)

[joanne123]

Sorry to hear this happened to you i would have probably been worse than you. I think you coped very well to stay at work and carry on. You wil be fine it is just the ocd doing it`s best to freak you out so stay strong and have a great birthday x x

[Guest eldiablostar]

Hi cam, i can relate to this very much as ive had an instance myself where i convinced myself i had been pricked by a discarded syringe, in fact ive had countless instances where ive convinced myself ive picked up hiv. I racked up about 15 hiv tests before i had CBT and was told to stop. You did well to stay in work and continue on, i can sympathize with you alot if you have constant thoughts and images regarding the incident to the point you don't know whats real and what's not, i get it all the time man its such a drag. I think it always helps to talk about these things to a close friend or colleague, or even a phone call to your mum or dad. Also remember u may be more anxious than normal at the mo because of this new job and your ocd/anxiety is on heightened alert, you should perhaps look at distracting yourself with doing something you enjoy until the ocd subsides. :original:

[Guest FlyingEagle]

Hope you had a good birthday! :-)

[cam]

Hi guys

had a lovely birthday thank u, went out for a family meal and to a zoo today which i love doing.

The thought is still lingering around but not so much, i am trying to remember that i just opened the case and didnt touch it and i would have felt the needle if it pricked me.

I also recon its the whole anxiety surge that happend when i saw the needle that threw me and made me think that i touched it when i didnt.Went totally dizzy with cold sweats and felt the biggest amount of panic that i have ever had with my OCD

Another thing is being so shocked that something disgusting could happen, and esp on my last shift ever at that branch before progessing. Total sods law huh!