:'( what am I ?! A monster

[Guest Stressedout]

I was so brave and drove to my best friends for his birthday on Saturday and during the afternoon the snow and ice was shocking so by the time I left I was driving home in the scariest conditions I have ever driven in with abandoned cars and sheet ice under the snow .. I was lucky I had my camera with me and I could film the road so even when I thought I had had a horrific accident hurting someone I was able to drive home as I knew o could check the tape later.

Accidentally the video was deleted today and I am devastated as I had the security it was there to check when I could ... I am now convinced that what I was going to check happened and I ran over someone ..,, i am desperate to find out bit can't check with police as I am a teacher and because of checking this I am currently suspended?!!!'

I am devastated.... What have I done ?!! Why didn't I check ASAP when I got back home after the hour driving .... I want to give up now had enough :'( how do I know I didn't run someone over I'm Soo stupid

Also if there are any requests by me on here for anyone to do anything supernatural pleeease don't OCD is on one :( I should give up now:(

[Guest Covalt]

Hi Stressedout!

Im so sorry you feel this way. You should try torefocus on something else. You know that the real problem is OCD, so Relabel, Reattribute, Refocus and Revalue.

I am sure that you can get past this, do not give up!!

Im sorry if i have asked you this again, but are you doing any CBT?

Is taping your drive part of it?

[Guest Williamthedog]

Hi Stressed out, dont let OCD bully you. I too suffer from this OCD thought. I am having CBT & part of my theropy is to "face the fear" for example if I think I have hit someone, I tell myself "yeh I have". I then try to make the thought as worse as possible...."i hit a pregnant lady...pushing a pram...walking with her puppy" etc. This makes the anxiety shoot right up, but it can only go so far & then it has to come down. By doing this you become "use" to the thought. Over time your mind becomes "bored" of the thought.

You need to stop checking. Dont question yourself "did I hit someone ??" "What if ???" Dont video the journey!! this all part of reasurance. The more you check or reasure the more the thought will intensivefy (bad spellin I knw). If you face the fear, you will be come adapted to it over time. The more you run from the thought, the more scary the thought will become.

Good Luck,

[Guest Covalt]

Just had to ask about the taping. I find it also not helpful at all. It gives you more reasons to be stressed out. Without the tape you will fight the OCD alot better. Having a tape makes the checking worse. We check cause we have the need to be 100% sure, we need "the truth", thats how OCD works making us check over and over again. Even if you had the tape for example you would still want to watch it over and over again "till it feels right". So stop the chain of thoughts from the begining, stop the "source", OCD.

You know its OCD, step away from the thoughts, see them from the outside, name them OCD and try to do something else in order to calm down!

Please keep us posted!

You can beat this!!

Edited February 7, 2012 by Covalt

[Guest Williamthedog]

Well said covalt. Its all about facing the fear. Overtime the fear will fade. Keep checking and ocd will stay.

[Guest Stressedout]

Thank you all just knowing you're out there makes life a whole lot easier

I know taping is a cop put but I have tried a number of private therapists then trusted the nhs who in my area could only offer me general therapy... no one specialising in cbt which I have asked for since I was 17 when they sectioned me... I'm now 31:(

I soooo scared.. what if I did hit someone but the conditions were Soo scary I just kept going kbowng u would check... I want to run and run and hide and end

[Guest Williamthedog]

Stop asking yourself whether you did or didnot hit someone. I know its very hard, but dont play on the thought. Believe me you are not alone with these worries & anxiety. Its not the thought that is the problem here, its the actions you are carrying out to neutralise the thought that are the problem. Stop checking & reasuring. Fight fear with fear, for example tell yourself "Yeh I have hit some one" say it with meaning. Dont run form this thought. its only an issue to you because it scares you. The more you doubt or think about it, the more your ocd will push the thought in to your head. The more you accept the thought & become use to it, the less it will stess you. It works! I am doing it now. It takes a lot of hard work, but after a while it becomes a challenge, a challenge you can win. :original:

[Guest Covalt]

I know how it is not to have any CBT therapist around. You can work on it on your own till you find someone though. Its hard, but i dont believe its impossible. I dont have anyone and i feel better, would love to have some therapist but cant afford one right now. I have it in my plans though. Bottom line is that i find it a "must" to have some type of therapy, but that doesnt mean we cant handle it till some point alone.

I find the 4 steps an extremly helpful self-help treatment. Im applying it for a couple of weeks now and it is working. I have started to "sit with the thought" also and that is working as well. What helped me start doing all of these, was the total understandment of how OCD makes my mind work. Also, i read in the 4steps,

quote:"... people with OCD can teach themselves how to shift gears through self-directed behaviour therapy. In doing so, they can actually fix this broken gearshift in the brain. We now know that you can change your own brain biochemistry."

If you havent read them, please do. http://www.ocduk.org/four-steps

As legend says, Knowledge is the key. Thats what helped me. Understanding OCD, therefore finding the right "weapon" to control it.

Edited February 7, 2012 by Covalt

[Guest Stressedout]

No energy left.....miss me. :; xxx

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

Don't give up, you can do this!!

[Guest Stressedout]

No energy left.....miss me. :; xxx

[Guest legend]

I was so brave and drove to my best friends for his birthday on Saturday and during the afternoon the snow and ice was shocking so by the time I left I was driving home in the scariest conditions I have ever driven in with abandoned cars and sheet ice under the snow .. I was lucky I had my camera with me and I could film the road so even when I thought I had had a horrific accident hurting someone I was able to drive home as I knew o could check the tape later.

Accidentally the video was deleted today and I am devastated as I had the security it was there to check when I could ... I am now convinced that what I was going to check happened and I ran over someone ..,, i am desperate to find out bit can't check with police as I am a teacher and because of checking this I am currently suspended?!!!'

I am devastated.... What have I done ?!! Why didn't I check ASAP when I got back home after the hour driving .... I want to give up now had enough :'( how do I know I didn't run someone over I'm Soo stupid

Also if there are any requests by me on here for anyone to do anything supernatural pleeease don't OCD is on one :( I should give up now:(

The hard part is stressed is that we have to at some point change the way we are acting in response to our ocd. and thats something

that we all have to do if we are to get a better control over our lives.

with the help of therapist youll be able to implement the cbt exposure techniques.

whats happening cbt wise ?

[Guest Stressedout]

I haven't found anyone privately who has helped or the nhs... There is no one just for OCD in my city ?! Just generalised