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Feel im getting no where


Guest fayeray

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Guest fayeray

Hi guys,

Just after a bit of help please.

I feel like im not getting anywhere, just when I feel like im making improvements, I feeling like im back to square one.

Yesterday was my worse day.. I got home from my parents and I cried, nothing was clean enough for me, I must have washed my hands 100 times, plus puttinh hadgel on. I cant resist from doing it.

My mom was cooking meat, I got paranoid she has touched everywhere with her contimated hands, had to keep cleaning my sons hands too, she has a dog who I worry about touching my boy, I hate putting him on the floor.. yesterday I set myself two challenges and suceeded them but I felt worse then ever yesterday, so I thought you felt better if you faced your fears?

I feel exhausted today but still took my son out and also feel bad today also.

I dont know how to help myself till I have CBT.. can anyone suggest anything, my head hurts so much. :(

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Guest FobicFairy

Hi Fay,

It's really hard to do your own CBT so don't feel too bad about it, it's so much easier when you have guidance by an expert.

Instead of making random tasks for yourself then failing and blaming, it's best to pick small goals and do them repeatedly.

When you have CBT you usually make a list of your OCD difficulties, then work on the lesser problems first.

So, say your goal was to touch door handles, you decide which handles you are going to touch with your fingers, then you do it in a structured way. Say 3 or 4 times a day. At first the anxiety will be severe after exposure, but then it will go back down again. Later on you do the same exposure again, with the same result. As you do more and more exposures over the space of a week, or even 2 weeks your brain is retrained that it is ok to touch the handles and that nothing bad happens.

You could buy a book from the OCD UK shop to help you until you get a therapist. It could give you a more gentle introduction to CBT and then when you come to have CBT you will already know what it's all about.

FF x

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I know it is really hard to face your fears but you went to your moms and took your son out so well done for that. I hope you get your cbt soon and i think you are doing well to be carrying on even though it making you worry. I have a lot of contamination issues but i think the main thing to remember is it is the ocd making us think this way and noone else would worry xx

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Guest syzyzy

Yesterday was my worse day.. I got home from my parents and I cried, nothing was clean enough for me, I must have washed my hands 100 times, plus puttinh hadgel on. I cant resist from doing it.

I dont know how to help myself till I have CBT.. can anyone suggest anything, my head hurts so much. :(

100 times? I can't believe. You have to do CBT on your own. Hypnosis may help you too.

Have you tried meds like SSRIs... ?

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Guest LucyS

Oh Fayeray, reading that has bought back so many memories ~(and is still relevant to my issues now), going back maybe 12mths ago I was washing my hands in between touching everything, so as not to cross contaminate, one day I counted I'd washed my hands 100 times before lunch (and gave up counting), it was an absolute nightmare and the soreness from your hands when doing these rituals is horrible :( Have you had any cbt in the past? Using a erp technique can really help.

You did really well to go, to take your son and to face your fears, I think the next step would be to start reducing the handwashing when there, set yourself an 'allowed' number of washes, so you have to ration them, I found this really helped me. It made me analyse why exactly I was reaching for the tap and soap, were my hands truly dirty, did they just feel ocd dirty or was I doing it to ease my mind, if it was for no reason but making myself feel calmer, then I forced myself at first to drop those washes, the panic at that point goes through the roof, but it does work to chip away at it. I then tackled the 'ocd dirty' handwashing, for example if I'd picked up a bottle someone else had before me, I had the urge to wash my hands ~(still do), I'd force myself to do the other jobs where I had to touch other 'unclean' things in effect banking the handwashes for later, so I'd maybe in what would have been a the foloowing routine, I omitted several handwashes and banked them for one handwash at critical points i.e. touching food or cutlery, rather than between each stage. My routine: 'touch door - wash hands, touch oven door - wash hands, get out oven glove - wash hands, use oven glove to pull out tray- wash hands, open cutlery drawer, wash hands, (When tackling the excessive handwashes all those up to now were resisted and at this point I chose a handwash was in my eyes needed before I could touch the cutlery/my food), lift out fork and knife, wash hands because my hands had touched inside the drawers, rinse cutlery therefore hands too, use fork and knife to lift food onto plate, carry plate to table, wash hands, pull chair out to sit on, wash hands... In that simple job of getting lunch out of the oven it took 8 handwashes, that's without any food preparation at all, just opening the oven door and putting the food onto the plate.

By banking the handwashes, instead of using them I was able to really dramatically reduce how many times I washed. I still wash my hands now before touching any food, so if I've put sauce on my plate I have to get up from the table to wash my hands, but compared to before the frequency has massively reduced.

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Hi Fayeray, I know exactly how you feel. When I was first diagnosed (12 years ago) I just felt everything was contaminated. I basically showered for hours and hours and it caused arguments with my parents and sisters (I was a teenager at the time). I had CBT about 11 years ago and it worked on most accounts. As FobicFairy says, with CBT you make a list of ALL of you compulsions and put a score between 1 and 10 next to it, 1 being something that doesn't bother you that much, 10 being 'I CANNOT STOP THIS'. You then start working on the ones marked 1 and slowly make your way up through the numbers. However, you do not move onto the next item on your list till you can do the current one without any bad thoughts or feelings.

The CBT worked for me. I get through life pretty much ok. I still have contamination fears and habbits, and sometimes they get hold of me (they are usually about sick contamination as I also have Emetophobia) but most of the time, I can live a normal life. So trust me, it will get better. I would say it is best to get some professional help for the CBT as you need someone to guide you through it.

Jen x

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Guest fayeray

Thanks for all for you your replys, good idea FF with the small goals, I beat myself up about it loads, feel Im not getting anywhere and feels like I have been waiting for therapy for ages, I know it does take a while, but when you are suffering just feels like a life time.

Lucy S thats exactly what I am like, if I even touch my phone, Im thinking where have I been with it etc, what if somebody touched the door and then, like you said cross contaminated... its awful and I get so angry with myself, but if I dont was them, its like torture, but giving yourself a limit sounds good, will try that.

Thanks Jen, the scoring also a good idea.

Thanks Joanne, you are right I did do well, as it is really hard for me.

Feel so lonely and trying to explain to family and my husband is so hard, what you mentally have to go through every day is torture. :-(

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Guest Imjob70

Hi guys,

Just after a bit of help please.

I feel like im not getting anywhere, just when I feel like im making improvements, I feeling like im back to square one.

Yesterday was my worse day.. I got home from my parents and I cried, nothing was clean enough for me, I must have washed my hands 100 times, plus puttinh hadgel on. I cant resist from doing it.

My mom was cooking meat, I got paranoid she has touched everywhere with her contimated hands, had to keep cleaning my sons hands too, she has a dog who I worry about touching my boy, I hate putting him on the floor.. yesterday I set myself two challenges and suceeded them but I felt worse then ever yesterday, so I thought you felt better if you faced your fears?

I feel exhausted today but still took my son out and also feel bad today also.

I dont know how to help myself till I have CBT.. can anyone suggest anything, my head hurts so much. :(

I have been getting the same with meat....i struggle to understand how people are so blase about it somehow, but think it is just another OCD theme your mind can play on.

I think CBT is deffo required. I found it gave me the tools to start doing something about the way my mind is structured....ready other peoples insights on here helps too. I think if it is effecting you this much you need a sort of direct action approach.

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Guest FobicFairy

My OCD was so bad I couldn't touch food. I wouldn't touch raw meat at all and avoided fruit and veg because of pesticides and fungicides. Trying to prepare a meal was impossible so I was totally reliant on my husband.

Cross contamination was an absolute nightmare.

My hands used to be red raw and the skin would split. Add to that antibacterial hand gel and it stung like mad.

The good news is CBT/ERP is brililant and you will get well when you can get it, hang on in there. It took 6 months for me to get well, but Ive been great for over 4 years.

High 5 Jen. :D

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Guest fayeray

I am like that FF.. food im a nightmare with. My hands are like im 80. Yeh, looking forward to trying CBT now, just hope it isnt too long. Do you ever fear them things now, or you completley OCD free? :-)

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