Ive cured my intrusive thoughts, Pure O and urges please read

[Guest ocdfree]

Hi I hope this helps people in the same situation as a lot seem to be suffering, anything I asterix* I feel is an important part of my journey and might reflect you aswell, and if theres anything I forget ill add in a reply later..

looking back on me as a person I was always a bit anxious if I got a twinge in my body Id look it up on the internet and end up worrying myself even more, I used to check id turned the taps off two or three times but nothing that I would say interfered with my happy life, I loved work etc, I used to notice the slightest thing wrong though in the bigger picture** so most people would clean a window and be happy, id clean a window and notice the one tiniest area id gone wrong its as if my mind could pin point these things in a perfectionist kind of way. I also had an over active imagination** but it was always harmless things. if there was knives scissors etc etc on sideboards or a coin on the floor with a toddler Id always put things away in a caring way

me and my partner found a stray dog and took her home/kept her** (hopefully reflects the kind of person I am)

we then had a beautiful daughter whos now three, and means everything to me.*

I went to the docs routinely late 2010 and he did my BP it was raised Im only 28 and pretty healthy, and he gave me that look like its all over, so I bought a BP machine as I was worried my biggest fear is/was of dying** I admit I became a little OCD over checking this and it caused a great deal of anxiety build up not realising what was about to happen.

I was lying in bed and suddenly this thought popped up to harm my partner, Ive never hurt anyone in my life but even more devastating was this urge/pushing feeling to actually do it(which is really a huge build up of anxiety!!!!!) the most violent thoughts and urges started to play over in my mind it was whoever I was with at the time BUT BUT 90% of the time only people I love**, if I was with others it mainly focused on me killing myself with whatever was available to use at the time...

when I walked in a room my mind would now instantly pick out everything I could use as a weapon this time, the total opposite of me before!*

I never have carried out any of the thoughts they terrified me, but I THOUGHT I was going too! convinced I was going crazy* lost 4 stone pins and needles in my face time and time again

I was then placed in st georges hospital for two months and in great care.. and told by two docs I had O.. but of course my Pure O was telling me other wise!!!*

NOTE.. I never took my BP when all the Pure O came...

a year later its taken time,patience and practice... but now I look back on the following,

* all of these thoughts and urges are usually the opposite of what you would dream of doing.

* there not real as vivid as they seem its a thought!

* murderers, paedophiles, psychopaths etc dont ruminate in disgust all day or worry THINKING there gonna carry out the horrendous act.

* its called the doubting disease because if you beat it with a counter thought it will hit you harder with a bit of paranoia, or manifest itself onto your next intrusive thought so then youll ruminate for hours trying to convince yourself otherwise. ruining your life!

* Pure O can block positive memories and feed you with negative ones fuelling paranoia etc again dont give it the time of day (intrusive thought they dont love me, then you think yes they do! then it hits back with a memory of the odd time you argued etc etc)

* when these thoughts come recognise them but dont answer them/ruminate and they will fade, but be ready for them hitting from another angle, again dont give them the time of day and instantly put your mind onto something else..

* example! youll most likely notice if your in deep concentration or with a GROUP of friends so your minds took up you dont get these thoughts anywhere near as bad or at all, thats because your REALLY a good person....

All the best Chris

[felix4]

Nice one, & many thanks,

I certainly think you have hit the nail on the head with the "asterix" parts, & I am sure many can relate to this, & see where the thoughts often wrongfully lead us.

[Tulsas]

I know what you mean.....I'm a postman and was talking to an elderly lady i deliver too...shes so sweet....we got chatting last week and for some unapparent reason i thought about a story i saw on crimewatch and thought how can anyone hurt an elderly person like this....then it started....what if i hit her...anxiety started to raise its head and then panic......i'm so lucky i'd been at this stage before because i've learnt how to refocus ( with the help of prozac).......but it can be TERRIBLE for someone who experience this for the first time....