:-( Bad Day....

[Guest Robyn]

Hi everyone

Having a REALLY bad day. It's probably a mixture of my ocd and anxiety....

I have panics about getting ill, catching things, etc....mainly because when I feel unwell I go into a sheer panic - feeling like i'm going to die....it seems unlike other people i really cannot stand the feeling of being unwell, that is anything that involves nausea, faintness.....and unfortunately I witnessed someone die suddenly and I keep having that image going around and thinking that could happen too if i'm ill.

I'm particularly like this when I travel....

Today I returned from an event that is only 100 miles away because I was finding the whole thing 'too much.' Just everything from the numbers of people there, the queue for food....I kept having thoughts 'i don't have the energy for this,' and also i didn't sleep a wink so I was convinced that I would be feeling faint or sick by the end of the day ......so i left before that even had a chance to happen. :-(

I should go back tomorrow....I want to - it's just that as soon as I get there (it's a busy event) I feel like i'm in another world.....

My panic got so bad today that the wrist tag that they give you - i ripped it off because i felt claustrophobic with it around my wrist!

I thought once I got home I would feel differently, calm down a bit - I have a bit but not enough - nowhere near what I usually am.....and I have to go back tomorrow, I want to i've spent a lot of money on this event and I know it's good for me to push a bit harder.....tonight is my respite but to stay home is avoidance.

Can anyone help? Right now I could cry all night. It'sw not specific to ocd - although there's a bit of 'if i could only guaratee 100% that i don't get ill, then I could enjoy the event...' So i'm trying to get the certainty that Dr Grayson talks about...

thanks for listening :-( :-( :-( :-( (by the way i live alone - and I can't even call anyone because people are so judgemental about it - they just get more and more into the label and they are not helpful - so I don't want anyone to know....but it means i feel so alone)

[Guest Robyn]

This panicky feeling is not going away - I don't know why it's such an issue - if I go tomorrow i've only got two days - it's no big deal

[Superblade]

the anxiety that ocd causes is horrible, it makes us feel so insecure, scared, afraid, full of doubt etc but it is only anxiety, although it is particularly nasty when we are in the middle of an attack ( and beleive me i,ve had loads of them, so many i,ve lost count) it can not harm us. my advice is go again tomorrow, you obviously want to, face your fear and and dont let anxiety stop you doing what you want to do. let me know how you go on ??

[Guest Robyn]

Superblade - thanks so much for your words. I think whatever happened it got me overwhelmed so the anxiety became too high and then from there it's difficult to see the good in anything - the travel, the people any of it....even if i can when calmer or when thinking about it from home.

I can press on and feel rotten through it - with loads of signing, palpitations, indigestion, lack of appeitie - which results in feeling faint later on and then panick about that.....but it's a shame I can't just feel good about the whole thing.

On the train up i was loving every minute and thought i'd cracked my fear...but when I got to the event there were so many rules by the organisers that I started to feel controlled - and like i couldn't get away if i needed to, which led to thinking abut how I could get away....

[Guest Robyn]

Thanks - I will report back here and let ou and others know how I get on - as it will help me too - as I said I can't even call anyone tonight to talk to as they all think i'm away :-(

It's almost funny...lol