feeling lonely

[joanne123]

Hi everyone i am feeling very alone at the moment. My husband and i havn`t been getting on for a while i think he has had enough of me and when he goes to work in the week and i have to look after my 2 girls i am finding it a lot to cope with. I am feeling very depressed and noone knows what i am feeling or going through. I try my hardest everday to battle my ocd which is hard enough but i just feel so unwanted and like noone would even miss me if i wasn`t here cos am i am such a waste of time and my husband keeps shouting at me telling me to try harder and i have noone to talk to i don`t know when this misery will ever end life is just such a struggle and for what i don`t know cos it doesn`t seem to get any better

[Guest Christian002]

Hi Joanne, sorry to hear you are going through a bad time at the minute. I was really low a couple of weeks ago, to the point where I was questioning my existence. It's a horrible feeling, and I know what it feels like to feel lonely. My wife has found it hard dealing with the way I am, and also with me starting new medication has made things worse, as I just had no motivation and seemed to give up. Just give it time, I'm sure things will pick up for you, and please never feel alone. Just talk to people on here, there is always someone who can relate to what you are going through, you are not alone. If you ever need a chat just message hope things start to get better for you soon ( I'm sure they will)

[joanne123]

Thankyou i hope your right as i just don`t see the point in carrying on at the moment. My husband hates me and i have no money of my own as i can`t work and since we got married they have stopped my benefits and he won`t buy me anything and i struggle to go out alone and he won`t take me out in the car he just takes the girls it is all so depressing. Thanksagain

[Guest FobicFairy]

Hi Joanne,

I am really sorry to hear how you are feeling, the only thing worse than feeling lonely is having people around you and still feeling lonely. I can only suggest you talk to your husband about how you feel.

Have you got any CBT in the pipeline? You try really hard to face your fears so I feel if you got professional help you could really make some headway with your OCD.

Sending you big hugs.

FF xxxx

[joanne123]

My husband doesn`t care anymore unfortunately i think there is nothing left between us. I have asked the doctor about my cbt and he just says i am on the list.. Thankyoy ff i just wish i was dead right now i m useless

[Guest Christian002]

He shouldn't hate you, he is your husband. Maybe you just need to have a long talk. I know being out of work does nothing for your self esteem, as I've been there. But don't ever think your worthless. Your not. You are the world to your children.

[joanne123]

Thanks but i don`t think he wants me anymore and i am useless on my own so the kids will better off without me

[Guest Christian002]

What makes you think this? Have you spoken or is this just the way you feel?

[joanne123]

Yeah he hs told me today. We havn`t really got on for a while i think he has had enough of me so now i am on my own as he is refusing to help me with anything and said he won`t buy me anything else either i just can`t stop crying and feel like hurting myself

[Guest londongirly]

Hi joanne. I know that feeling, its awful. I took an overdose a year ago when my depression grew worse and I lost my boyfriend and friends all at the same time. Also the past few months I felt down, was so bored and lonely and stressed. But if you keep going,it all gets better in the matter of a few months. When I started to feel grateful, things that are good just happen. I've battled ocd for years and I just thought you know what I don't deserve this, I accept the fact I have these thoughts (obsessions) but I refuse to give in to the compulsions, they will not hurt me any more. Also, you have children, and if you're husband is being a w***er then maybe you should sit him down and ask him if anythings wrong with his life before explaining your problems, because if affection isn't freely given by someone then its not really worth having is it? You need to speak out more and think about what's best for you. I promise things change, I'm living proof. Never give up:) xx

[joanne123]

Thankyou i am glad things are better for you. I will try and talk more with him later when the kids are asleep xx

[Guest Christian002]

Thoughts are with you. Keep strong

[Guest FobicFairy]

You are not useless Joanne, you are a lovely person. Maybe your ocd is just too much for your husband but that doesn't mean you are not important. You have two lovely children that love and need you. I care about you too, i think you do brilliantly dealing with your ocd.

I wouldn't accept your doctors answer, i would ask where i had been rrefered to and then phone to make sure you are on a waiting list and ask how much longer you are likely to have to wait for cbt.

Hang on in their Joanne. Things are bad right now but no matter what happens with your marrage it's possible to have a good life. Change is scary but you can get through it. I would hope that your mum or other family member might come and help you out a bit if and when you need help.

Ff xxxx

[Guest irretractable]

Joanne, I can tell from your photo that your daughter adores you. And I can tell from your posts that you're a good mom. And you'll always be so important to your children, no matter what happens to your marriage. Don't let your husband's negativity rob that from you. If your husbands being an a**, take your anger out on him, not on yourself! Don't hurt yourself.

[joanne123]

Thankyou both it means alot to me. All of you mean a lot to me on here to you have been great. I try my best every day not to be a dissapointment. Ff you have been amazing and mean a lot to me and your help has inspired me through the rough days which i have had alot. I hope my husband hasn`t had enough of me as i don`t think anyone else would put up with me lol. Thanks irretractable, Your very kind i hope your ok. I can`t say enough how much everyones support means to me xxx

[Northern Star]

Hi Joanne,

I don't think you're useless; no-one here thinks that. I think you're braver than most, especially braver than me - I couldn't do ERP on my own, nor could I have kids with my OCD the way it is. Hopefully your husband and you can sit down and have a good heart-to-heart. I know mine gets sick to the back teeth of my OCD; that doesn't help me though when I feel so powerless against it; it's so hard for both sides concerned - they're frustrated but we're going through hell on a daily basis. I think FF's idea of asking where you're being referred to is a great one - then you can chase them. Unfortunately so often it is the case of "(s)he who shouts loudest gets help first". Your kids love you to pieces and kids are so often very good judges of character.

OCD can be such a lonely and debilitating disorder; you know that you have friends on here who think a lot of you though. I know it's not the same but hopefully it's some comfort :hug:

Edited January 27, 2013 by Northern Star

[joanne123]

Thankyou, Your kindness means more than you know i am so grateful.. I hope my kids love me as i love them so much, They mean the world to me and maybe if i hadn`t got them i may have given up by now. I vhope you are ok and keep going to as i know only to well how hard it is

All the best

Joanne xx

[Guest Snooker]

People who do not have ocd can not and do not understand just how very very bad this condirion can be, and just like your husband a relative of mine told me to be stronger and try harder, they have no idea at all what this condition is like as I am certain we are both trying as hard as we can anyway, its just people think it is a matter of snapping out of it and trying harder, I have no doubt that this is one of the very worst illnesses a person can get and personally think it would be better if I had cancer for say 10 years and then died, well it would be an end to the suffering and people would support you as well and am sure you can at least understand where I am coming from when ocd is really bad over a long period of time

I have read your posts before and you really are a very nice person who has tried as hard as they can with this ocd condition, its just other people do not have any idea to how very very bad this condition can be, at times it tries to take away your total life

Things will get better again good luck

[Guest nervous]

Sorry to hear you are in a bad place right now, I am also struggling because my ocd means I have very particular standards on what is clean and what is contaminated which means I guess I am hard to understand. I know my wife struggles to figure me out and it puts a strain on the relationship because I am not the guy I used to be. I avoid most contact with people to save them the trouble I often find myself saying my kids would be better off without me but then I think about the things we do together and then I dont feel so bad. The other day I was out for a walk and was in a bad state of mind thinking about running away and living in the woods by myself but when I got home and my youngest came up and gave me a hug and a big smile and I felt like maybe I do need to stay around. :original:

When I am really bad off I try to tell myself that all this is temporary and if I can ever feel good again it must be worth it to keep going I dont always believe it but I'm still going.

Hope you feel better soon.

[joanne123]

Thankyou snooker and nervous you both understand how bad ocd is and i hope we can all be happy somehow. I hope your both ok too thanks xx

[Guest FobicFairy]

Hi Petal,

Did you talk to your husband about your relationship?

I agree that people that have never had OCD can never really understand the torment of the illness, but I think a lot of people have empathy and are supportive. I know I have stretched my partner to the limit at times, and we have 2 broken chairs in the garage to prove it! My husband never got angry with me, but he has taken his frustration out in the kitchen!

Hope you are ok Joanne, you are so brave dealing with your OCD and bringing up your two girls, they are very lucky to have a mum who is trying so very hard to make life better for all of you.

FF xxxx

[oetegenn1976]

Jo your hubby does love you, your just beating yourself up at the min with the way your feeling and thinking, people that dont have ocd dont understand and are quite ignorant yo the fact my hubby is also. could you write a letter to your hubby and tell him how you feel! Thats what i do when i feel rich is being a git!

Do you think you may be taking your hubby for granted and for reasurrance? I like my hubby home but to be honest he also works away all week, and i think i cope much better on my own cos i have to be strong for my kids, when hes there that all goes and i get lazy and depend on him.

Why cant you find a job? Im currently looking for a job and i have ocd and two kids, what about voluntary work just to get you out and gain confidence back, im doing homestart volunteering tomorrow and cant wait.... Basically just to have me time without poppy.

I dont think all this is as bad as the way your interpreting it.... I know its hard, but you have come through this before.

I would make an appointment with docs tell them how you feel, go for a walk and register for volunteering. I know money is hard at the mo, i think everyone is feeling it....so your really not alone.

Let us know how you get on, and chin up x

[joanne123]

Thankyou ff i tried to talk to him but he didn`t want to last night. I think we will be ok he just gets frustrated at times and shouts at me which i understand he is usually quite good and has put up with a lot from me in the last 7 years poor man Your right they have to get there frustrations out as it is hard on them too. Thankyou a letter is a good idea i will try that. I can`t find a job as i still can`t use public toilets i wish i could i just can`t seem to be able to do it. Thanks again Jo xx

[SaraJane]

Aww hunny I am so sorry you are going through all of this.

I know I say it often but you are an inspiration. You work so hard to beat this illness and have every reason to be proud of yourself. Your Husband is saying you are not trying hard enough but I supect that may come out of ignorance - it is really hard for people to understand ocd who have not lived with it all directly themselves. Even a partner living close to another still won't know fully.

Please try not to take responsibilty for those parts of things that are happening which are not yours to take - a marriage is made up of two people and you are only responsible for carrying your part. Your Husband's behaviour is his responsibilty - he still has a choice as to how he responds to you and treats you even if he is struggling with the illness you have. You do not cause him to behave the way he does - it is his own reactions and choices that cause that.

You have an illness and that is not your fault. You need support and encouragement not exclusion and that exclusion is not your fault.

I am pro-marriage and am not suggesting you abandon your marriage here but do want to encourage you - sometimes when we face a situation we think we can't manage in - like you saying how you feel you would manage if you split up the reality can be very surprising. I know in my own experience of seperating from my ex-husband it was the making of me. I coped better because of the situation I was in even though that wasn't what I expected to happen.

Hang on in there with life Joanne - you've a lot to be proud of.

You are well like here - I include myself in that.

Sara xx

[joanne123]

Thankyou very much sara xx