does ocd ever go away?

[Guest hopebecauseucan]

I know days can be good and days can be bad and I try to tell myself just enjoy the good one's but something that I always ask myself is can I live with this forever or do I want to live with this forever?!! It makes me really sad to think I will have this with me forever has anyone ever heard of anyone over coming ocd? I feel like I'm not getting the most of my life or enjoying life to the max because no matter what ocd is always there!! Also how do you get over the thought of this might not even be ocd?!! Sonymes I wish I could just lose my memorie and wake up and forget about all of this!!!

[Guest mikecd]

I beleive there is a way we can get over it to an extent where it won't bother us. Look at OCD at its core, its stuff we let bother us. If you can conquer those things bothering you then U can conquer the OCD. Have U ever had treatment ? Or seen your GP ? Do you have thoughts or compulsions or both ?

[machiato]

Hi Hope, it can and does go away. It just takes one heck of an effort and the right therapy. I am going to take a wild guess that you have a pure-o type kind of OCD? or am I way off?

The question of is it OCD or not, is one that OCD asks us all the time because we know that if it isnt OCD, everything we feel/think will be made real and become our fault, with nothing else to blame. I feel the best way to deal with it is literally to accept it. If anyone else tells us, it will only work for a moment and then we will question if that person was right, or were they wrong? were they just saying it to please me? OCD sucks, but it can be beaten.

[Guest hopebecauseucan]

Hi, thanks for the reply, it's great to hear somone say they believe we can beat this! I have horrible intrusive thoughts about harming my kids, arg so hard to even write that! I never really thought I had any compulsions but I am extremely tidy and like things in there places and I also check a lot, text messages I read over and over gin but I suppose as that doesn't bother me so much I don't really think about it! I find it really hard to just accept my evil thoughts are just ocd and constantly go over things in my head to figure out if I am infact a horrible person. I am on 40 mg of fluoxitine and I see a psychiatrist every couple of months, I am just waiting to start cbt, takes so long!!!!

[machiato]

Hi again hope. The moment you mentioned the lack of compulsions, I knew you hadnt started CBT.... why? I have had a similar experience. Just wait till you start listing your problems down and how we perform compulsions without even knowing or perform mental compulsions - with either, they are still compulsions!

I had a lot of trouble explaining mine to the therapist until I kept a diary and a closer watch on what I was doing, and they all started flooding out. Best of luck with the CBT!

[Guest hopebecauseucan]

Oh God! Maybe I should start keeping a diary now! I have done some research on cbt, I tend do do a lot of research!!! But could you explain to me what exactly it does?! I have heard its about exposure, but how can they expose you to the thoughts you have? I'm a little apprehensive to start as I'm not sure what to expect! Would really appreciate some advice!!! Xxx

[machiato]

Hey, I wont recommend your start as you need to discuss it at length before jumping in (the therapist will also help you with a starting point and ladder). You basically keep a diary for a week. In your case, it may be something like:

TRIGGER: Saw my daughter in living room.

INTRUSIVE THOUGHT: Urge/thought to cause harm.

WHAT DID I THINK OF THOUGHT: I am an evil beast, I hated it.

EMOTION: Terrified, sick, awful.

BEHAVIOUR: Pushed thought away, looked away from daughter, went for a walk, tried to mentally review situation.

Looking above, if the behaviour was re-occurring over a series of diary entries. Your therapist may consider them ALL compulsions. The exposure, would be a well planned and thought out series of events to get you NOT to perform these behaviours and actually stay in the room with the child, not pushing out the thought, not leaving and going for a walk and not reviewing it mentally.

This is simply an example and will be planned step by step with you, so please dont think it will be exactly like, but its a general idea. The exposure tasks are also done gradually, so you dont get whacked with too much at once!...

What do you think?

[Guest hopebecauseucan]

Ahhh I think it sounds really scarey!! I literally will die!! I really struggle with the thoughts I panic and shake, but I know I have to do this, I'm terrified of like what if I actually want to harm them?! What if I am that person ? I can't even end it because I couldn't leave them!!! Ahhh this is so hard!!! I was such a happy strong person before this, I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted now everything is so out of control!!! It's so weird cause I actually know I am a good person but this feeling of anxiety and doubt is so strong I don't know how to believe it! Does that make sense? Or am I officially a cracker? Xxxx

[Guest mikecd]

No that's exactly how I feel the past few days I've seemed treatment from the doctor and I was able to lose the thoughts straight away by blocking them and now I've got a bit of depression. But now im wondering have I come to terms with the thoughts am I going onto the next step of craziness. I don't think there is one but its how it messes with you.

[machiato]

Bless you!... We have all been there I'm afraid and all the feelings you are having has been felt by all of us here. Its is tough, I wont lie but it gets better and better. Remember, the therapist will work WITH you, they will plan these exposure tasks in accordance with what you can handle. The first meeting wont involve any tasks at all, so you have a chance to blend in, probably not till week 4 actually. As to does it make you a cracker? Well, I have gone through all these feeling you mention and I reserve the right to feel that I'm a cracker anyway! LOL

[Guest Transcendental]

Yes it is just distressing thinking/behavioural patterns which can be changed, with the right effort and time.

[Guest hopebecauseucan]

Hahaha, I don't mind being a good cracker!!! Lol although I would never wish ocd on my worst enemy it's quite nice to talk to someone who can understand! So thankyou hopefully things won't take too much longer... Iv got to stop being such a whimp! I'm scared of everything these days!!

Thankyou for all your replies, really are much appreciated :)xxxx

[machiato]

Take care hope. And come here anytime with any concerns or if you need an emotional push! There are many people hear who understand your fears. There is no way you could possibly be a whimp, apart from being from Essex (no such thing as a whimp out there!), the fact that you are taking this challenge on says you got guts!

Best wishes,

M

Edited February 22, 2013 by machiato

[Guest mikecd]

Can anyone answer my question ? I've been sat around all day with no thoughts that I usually have just feeling depressed but now im feeling not bad. I just watched some tv had a giggle and stuff. But now im thinking oh god have I accepted my thoughts is this the first stage of me becoming a murderer

[machiato]

Hi Mike,

If you don't mind. I am going to ask you to answer that question... then I will tell you what I think.

[Guest mikecd]

I'm not sure I don't know how murderers feel. I don't think in angry enough. In fact im not angry at all I've never hurt a fly, it just feels like I've gone from depressed to normal but I know ill wake up and be depressed tomorrow lol

[machiato]

Thanks for answering. I had to ask, so it doesnt become a re-assurance thing that we all need to avoid. The reason you dont know how murderers feel is because you are not a murderer. The reason for the change in mood is a typical OCD mood swing!.... thats about all there is to it

Part of your recovery is not asking this question again. Not because me or anyone else would change their mind, but because it will aid your recovery.

[Guest mikecd]

I didn't know ocd had mood swings

[machiato]

well, of sorts yes. It 'gives' you mood swings or make you prone to them at least. We are even more prone to this when having an unhealthy diet, too much coffee or alcohol. A couple of double espressos and I am dancing, then when i wears off :( :(

[Ashley]

It makes me really sad to think I will have this with me forever has anyone ever heard of anyone over coming ocd? !!

Hi Hopebecauseucan,

You have already had some great positive responses on here, but I just wanted to add my belief that with the right support, and some effort on our part you can overcome OCD, and I often use the C word... cure, because I firmly believe it is possible.

Overcoming OCD is not easy of course, and will be two steps forward and one back, but it is possible. I have seen even severe cases of OCD overcome it, and also when accessing a specialist, overcome years of OCD in just 6-12 sessions!

As I always say, we have to stay strong and keep fighting!

Ashley