Does this prove my contamination fear?

[jennielouises]

My CBT task this week was to touch door handles in public. One of the hardest things for me to do. I did it on Friday at work when my boss has a stinking cold. My worry was that I would get ill and then that would reinforce my belief that the door handles are contaminated. So last night (sat) I developed a really sore throat. This morning I was woken up at the crack of dawn with a piercing headache and still a sore throat. My nose is a little stuffy but I tend to get that a lot in the morning without it turning to something. So it sounds like I have the cold my boss has. Surely this proves the handles are contaminated?

On the other hand, yesterday morning I cried my eyes out really hard for about an hour. At first I was crying about our finances but then it turned to what was really the matter. My mum just had a biopsy on a breast lump and found out on Thursday that it was just a cyst. I have been worried sick about it for three weeks but don't show emotions (hence the OCD). I think realised I don't have enough money to buy my mum a decent Mother's Day gift and cried harder when I realised I came close to loosing my mum (most of my OCD is fuelled on this fear due to a death in the family when I was 4). So maybe the crying caused it? Also, during my honeymoon I had the exact same symptoms and I put it down to 'honeymoon flu'. Basically my body relaxing after all the stress and it let a virus in. Maybe it's done it again this time after being stressed about my mum?

But u can't get passed the thought that its because those door handles were contaminated

[machiato]

Hey jennie. I am sorry for your suffering . Did the door handle contain a flu virus? Possibly yes. Was it 'contaminated' as in the way an ocd sufferer would see it? No. It never is jennie. Stats show that the average person gets 2 colds per winter! Now i rate that at abour 8-10 days of feeling a bit rough per winter. How many days a winter are you totally sick with worry through ocd per winter? 150 days perhaps? I know which i would strive for jennie. I know its hard, damn ocd is horrible, but we are not allowed to question the facts, as it strengthens our already hurt and over the top feelings. Take care friend :hug:

[Guest faithless]

Hi jennielouises. On one hand I want to tell you that you're wrong and that your sickness could occur at any time (regardless of whether you touched the handles or not), but on the other I'm wary about reassurance...

Providing reassurance usually acts to feed OCD, not help to combat it, but you've asked a question that requires reassurance either way: "Does this prove my contamination fear?"

You have a contamination fear, exposed yourself to it and became "contaminated" (by becoming sick). With that very act you've reassured yourself that your OCD was correct. But by asking here if your OCD was correct or not you are also seeking reassurance that it wasn't... which is also a part of your OCD. What a dilemma, huh?

Okay, so let's think this through...

"Does this prove my contamination fear?"

- No. It was merely a coincidence that you became ill after touching the handles. After all, your boss was sick so it's highly possible you could catch his germs = reassurance.

- Yes. It proves your contamination fears were correct = reassurance.

So either way I have no choice but to offer reassurance but I want to highlight something - the point of exposure therapy is to face our fears. That doesn't mean we face them and avoid them. It means we face them and cope with them. You very bravely tackled your task by facing your fears. The fact your fears were realised doesn't necessarily make the OCD correct but it does mean you can cope with whatever it throws your way. Yes, you got sick, but you will recover, and for that you should give yourself a pat on the back for completing your task. It means you beat the OCD and are improving.

Is this reassurance? Possibly... possibly not. I like to think of it as support rather than reassurance. What you did is akin to a person afraid of spiders not only handling one but also getting bitten in the process then asking "I did it but am I still afraid of spiders?" knowing full well they got through the worst of it and are still able to reflect on the experience without being too stressed. Would they handle a spider again? They may be tentative but they wouldn't be so scared as the first time and could probably manage it.

This is what you're doing now. You got through the worst of it and are reflecting on your experience, questioning whether you are still afraid. Do you think you'd be able to do the same thing again? You've done it once so why not? For that, you should congratulate yourself. If you're not going to then I will - congratulations. :original:

[Guest Annabel]

Hi Jennie,

I'm not sure how bad you feel about cold viruses but perhaps instead of wondering if touching the door handle gave you an infection you could write a list of reasons why getting colds each winter is better than having OCD?

I don't touch anything that other people have touched (not even the post, newspaper, packaging on food) without washing my hands and I don't leave my house apart from for walks in the countryside but I caught a nasty cold from my younger brother sneezing when he came home from uni recently so it's reasonably likely that you might have caught this cold even if you'd not touched door handles

Edited March 3, 2013 by Annabel

[jennielouises]

Hi Annabel

I think that is the case. My boss sits next to me and she kept coughing without covering her mouth. We r only in a small off and it has a/c heating so I guess i would have got it anyway. I have to keep reminding myself that I got sick even before I touched door handles. I told my therapist that tho would happen and she said you will have to get over being ill and the. Try again. If I keep getting ill then my theory is probably right. But, I'm worried that because I have spent the last 13 years not touching door handles, that my immune system has been damaged and I will get everything. You know like when newly qualified teachers get ill a lot in their first year of teaching

[machiato]

Lets try and build your immune system back up! I'd rather have 20 colds a year than have anxiety/ocd EVERY day. Try to keep that as your motivator

[Guest Annabel]

Immune systems can't become weakened from lack of exposure to infections.

There may be more viruses that you haven't caught recently and so don't yet have immunity to but for some viruses like noroviruses immunity only lasts a few months after infection anyway! You're at no more disadvantage than other people

xx

Edited March 3, 2013 by Annabel