Isolating myself and pressure at university

[Guest pinkfrog24]

Hi everyone I never really comment but am always reading and inspired by all of you. You help me whenever I feel so alone with this illness. I'm struggling at the moment with ruminations and guilt etc ocd and depression as I'm leaving Uni in less than 2 months and I'm on a thread due to the pressure and stress. I am struggling everyday o get up and shower and have constant negative thoughts which I try and fight. I struggle to see people as one experience recently has set me back. I went out with Uni friends for first time ever and had a fab night out but it resulted in the next day feeling guilty with panic attacks that I had been too flirty. I seeking reassurance ( I know bad) told my boyfriend who was amazing ( as he knows my illness). Anywho it set me back and just feel like a constant failure all the time. I am trying to force myself daily yo get up but I'm not being productive with my work and the lecturers expect the best from me. I'm just tired of fighting as I'm 29 and had this since I was a little girl. I have fought to get to Uni through therapy and now dread leaving and being a failure. Plus we are looking at houses which is amazing but how the hell am I gonna be able to make money. Anywho thanks for letting me rant to people that really understand.

Xxx

[Guest Nik]

Hi pinkfrog,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment and it most be particularly difficult seeing as you coming towards the end of your university course! I can completely empathise with you in that respect as I too finish uni in less than 2 months and it is difficult, especially when you are also suffering with OCD!

I am struggling everyday to get up and shower and have constant negative thoughts which I try and fight. I struggle to see people as one experience recently has set me back...I am trying to force myself daily yo get up but I'm not being productive with my work and the lecturers expect the best from me. I'm just tired of fighting as I'm 29 and had this since I was a little girl. I have fought to get to Uni through therapy and now dread leaving and being a failure. Plus we are looking at houses which is amazing but how the hell am I gonna be able to make money

I think constantly fighting those negative thoughts does effect you even if you don't feel it, over time it can just get a bit too much and one big incident can just trigger a big OCD episode. I think trying to fight the thoughts will inevitabely make you tired, instead just try and let the thoughts come and go without the urge to engage them or fight them. I completely understand when you say you are tired of fighting now, I feel likw I'm at that stage too but you've come so far, just hang in there for a little longer. I think the added stress of uni is making this a more difficult time for you but having come so far, you clearly can do it! Is there anyone you could possibly discuss this with at uni? Maybe the student support services? Finally although easier said than done, try and just focus on the here and now, don't focus on the future as then your mind will just throw up various negative thoughts like you have mentioned above! This will just serve to make things even more difficult.

I completely understand how difficult it must be for you right now, I could have written your post myself but this is the time with the OCD will really test you so please just try and hang in there, ultimately it will make you stronger! However, I do reccomend you speak to someone at uni about how you are feeling, you don't have to go through this alone! Also talking to your GP may be helpful too, chronic anxiety can lead to depression which is why getting up in the mornings and motivating yourself to work may be an issue right now.

All the best!

[Guest pinkfrog24]

Hi Nik

Thanks so much for understanding and giving me great advice. Bet its tough for you too with uni and can't believe your in the same predicament, lol. how have you been handling it? with my degree it is all based on creativity within illustration and thats so hard to force when dealing with this. i just keep drawing even though its bad lol. I hope your degree goes amazing and thanks so much for taking the time to read this.

xxx

[Guest Nik]

Not a problem pinkfrog, I know how tough it is and am happy to help!

In all honesty I'm not handling it too well but I'm not going to let it defeat me. I had a similar problem last year towards the end of my exams and it was my worst OCD episode ever, ironically it also made me go to see my GP so now I have a support networ of sorts in place.

Currently I am just trying to battle through, it's hard though, as you say when you do any work it doesn't even feel that productive which just adds to the stress. I try not to engage the thoughts but I know I'm struggling because I'm doing a lot of reassurance seeking, distraction helps but whilst I'm distracting myself it also means I'm not working and I'm running out of time to do my work!

I think I've decided to go see the student support services at my university, I had some sessions with them earlier on in the year and it was really helpful. I need to let them know what's happening so if I do underpeform in my exams then at least there is a record that I was struggling if I were to appeal any results. Also I will book an appointment with my uni GP, all this prolonged anxiety has got to me, I feel quite depressed in all honesty.

So it's hard, but at the same time I'm at the final hurdle, I cannot just throw away all my hard work over the years because of this. I would advice you get in touch with someone at your university if you haven't done so already, discuss extenuating circumstances for your projects, universities can be quite understanding and they do have a duty of care to all their students!

Edited March 19, 2013 by Nik