arghhhhhh

[Guest Madison]

ok so my ocd is rearing it's ugly head again. Yesterday I signed up to gmail, and I tried to take a profile pic but my ocd was like everytime I took a pic te voice in my head was like: 'no this isn't right' it kept making me take another pic and then no matter what pic I took I always had this horrid thought in my head so I tried taking down my profile pic but couldn't, so I had to delete account.

Problem was, I deleted it and I got a horrid thought in my head about someone raping me and so basically my ocd said I had to sign up if I wanted to get rid of the thought. So I had to do this. I tried signing up but this this it had to have a verication code from my mobile, it didn;t have this last time, and the problem was I couldn't use my mobile becuase of my ocd, so I couldn't siign up. Now I'm seriously freaking out, the thought in my head won't go away, and I just want to die. I'm literally having a panic attack right now...

[Guest Nathan]

I know this is probably a bit late, but the first thing to think is 'does signing up and taking a picture on gmail really have anything to do with me getting raped?' it can be hard to convince yourself, but it helps. the best thing to do when panicking about ocd is to divert your train of thought from the compulsions. How is it now anyway?

[Guest Madison]

Hiya nathan nice to hear from you again

It's actually a bit better now, i was just like: it's just another intrusive thought...and yeah ironically the thing that best distratcts me from an intrusive thought is another intrusive thought coming up! So yeah although that thought is bit better now i now have some horribe thoughts in my head, basically theres ust no time that i can have a cear head, theres always a ritual, compultion reassurance seeking or thought in my head. But yeah enough about my ocd. How are you?

[Guest Nathan]

Hi, nice to speak again too!

I know how you feel though, it's not necessarily a long term solution but if a new intrusive thought or compulsion begins to pester me then it takes away the thought from the other one, it's horrible i feel like i never get a rest from OCD! sometimes i actually dream about doing compulsions, how weird is that?! I'm not bad thanks though, thanks for asking! been a bit of a weird week because i went like hyper happy for 5 days then i felt really down and horrible like when i first joined.. but now i feel like a 'normal' mood again. weird things for weird people how about yourself?

[Guest Madison]

Hi nathan

yeah I know what yu mean, I'm the same, I even dream about doing compulsions! It's horrible, it's like I can't escape from it even in my dreams. I sometimes feel really hyper and stuff but then just something tiny can turn my hyper mood into a really low mood. Sometimes people think I'm eird coz sometimes i'm just too weird and stuff when I'm hyper, but then someone says a mean comment and I just come crashing down, and stay like that for the rest of the day. I also laugh at just about anything, which doesn't help how other people see me. I'm basically either really giggly and people around me get annoyed, or I'm sad and I get branded 'sullen' or 'stroppy'. ANNOYING!!!

That's good to hear, are you free from your ocd now, or have you still got it? I sometimes can't really see a future for myself at all, like I can never get away from the endless intrusive thoughts, but your really brave to be able to break free from your ocd because it is REALLY hard

I'm a bit anxious atm, cz my stupid social worker is gonna come to see me. I absoloutely hate her, she thinks I'm a manipulative little brat who makes a massive fuss when she doesn't get her own way, and her sidekick has once accused me of 'bullying my mum' whic is ironic as my mum's the one who bullys me, and is horrid to me about my ocd, which is the worst. Making fun of someone else's mental illness is about as low as you can get, really.

Anyway, as soon as I open the door she's probs gonna just barge past me without a 'hello and barge straight into my room, well someone hasn't heard of privacy!

Anya, today when she barges past me I'm just gonna say: 'no you can't go into my room, actually. There's something called privacy' hahahah I can just imagine her face!

But yeah I'm gonna try not to loose my temper with the witch. She can't stand me and I can't stand her, so there's no point even pretending. She doesn't even do anything, just ask me 'how I am' when she knows I'm in a very low mood, she never helps or anything, just says: 'well it's not your decision is it?' like a blooming stuck record.

Sorry rant over

Madi