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False attractions


Guest ktams

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Guest ktams

I'm fine talking about pretty much every single symptom of my OCD without embarrassment. I've suffered with OCD for nearly 20 years, but there is this one aspect that I get embarrassed about. Heck, I'm not even sure it is OCD or not, so I figured I'd ask you guys.

Here goes.

Every time i find myself 'attracted' to someone I become realllllly fixated on them. I had a relationship with a teacher like this when I was a teen in secondary school. I was obsessed with her and craved her attention. Sometimes I'd see her as a mother figure, other times I was certain I was sexually attracted to her. I was never really scared of the sexual feelings because I'm actually with ok being homosexual (I don't like labels but I'd pretty much class myself a lesbian). Therefore, it's not HOCD. It just I was and am so confused because my feelings would change a lot between the two or overlap (Mother figure or Crush). This isn't the only time it happens, it happens A LOT with many different people over the years. My mind tries to convince me that the person i am attracted to would or could feel the about me. I start imagining a life with them, sometimes with people I barely know - all based off an 'attraction' of sorts. The periods of 'attraction' leave me feeling I am on a roller coaster. I will have periods where I really start to believe my thoughts and really imagine this fantastic life with them; a life full of happiness and contentment and love, but then there are periods of extreme depression when I remember that it's not real and will never be real.

I doubt I will ever have a normal relationship with anyone because of this. Even the relationship I had with my children's father was one built out of a possible false attraction. I was looking for someone to save me.

I'm probably not making much sense at all.

Karen.

Edited by ktams
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Guest Scotters

Hi Karen

I can empathise with you on this. I have had similar experiences and agree that it's a little embarrassing to talk about. In fact, I've not talked about it before as I assumed it was just me!

Anyway, I've thought about it recently and wonder if it's similar to getting intrusive thoughts? Only on these occasions the intrusive thoughts are obsessing about becoming involved in relationships with people and those thoughts get carried away with themselves? Or, after struggling to deal with/overcome OCD, maybe the thoughts appear in the hope that there's a better, happier life achiveable out there somewhere?

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Concentrate on your work and keep your mind off such 'trivial' things. You know you have OCD. So why bother with anything bothersome.

You'll be healthier and happier and lovelier and the world will want to be with you. Its always better to let these things (relationships and all) happen of their own accord. Have faith in yourself. You wont be alone.

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