Referred to my CMHT

[Guest ktams]

I was discharged 2.5 years ago and all has been going well until recently.

I just feel that I need support. I can't understand my feelings and emotions at all. I feel numb but I feel jumbled. It's not my OCD as much, more my feelings and emotions. I feel like I'm stuck. Something is missing. I feel angry. Alone. Confused. Lost. I feel like I don't know who am I. I feel like I want to run away where no-one knows me and I can be myself - except I don't know who myself actually is. I don't feel good enough. I feel judged. I don't have friends and I feel like making friends is impossible because of all the thoughts and feelings the process brings up. Are they laughing at me? Do they think I'm weird? Do they think i I'm stupid? Are they only talking to me because they feel like they don't have a choice?

This is a long term problem that is getting worse again.

Sorry, I don't expect a reply. I just wanted to write and empty my mind. No luck emptying my mind though.

Karen.

[Guest ktams]

p.s I'm already regretting it. Sometimes as hard as things get, it's easier to sit back and just deal with it. The whole 'opening up' to people is sooooo difficult. I just hope it pays off.

Edited May 13, 2013 by ktams

[Northern Star]

Hi Karen,

I hope it helps too

Well done for getting yourself referred to the CMHT. Whether it is OCD or depression or low self-esteem, the first steps to feeling better are to recognise that something is wrong and to ask for help.

My own self-esteem is abysmal; I wonder why people "bother" with me, why they care, when I am so much effort, so much hard work. But I think the answer is that sometimes other people can see the good in us when we can't see it ourselves. Certainly the way other people see me tends to be the polar opposite to now I see myself. A mental health professional can help us to reconcile those differences, to help us to recognise the good parts of us and to accept and/or change the parts that we don't like so much.