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Guest Fed up

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Guest Fed up

This is so hard.

The last couple of days have been pure hell, so much so i feel if a bus was to run me over, i would not care.

My obsession now is things i have thought during sex. I am dwelling on things i use to think years and years ago during sex but which did not bother me but they should have done because they were very wrong. Why didn't they bother me, was i a bad person.

Now i hate sex, in fact i try to avoid it for fear these thoughts will enter my head again and i will enjoy them.

I have spoken with my partner/family and they have been very supportive but i still feel awful.

This is a living hell.

Please help.

Fed up.

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Guest Smudger

Hi Fed Up. :thumbup:

Don't want to make a hard situation worse, but it may help if you were to elaborate some.

Regardless-you have ocd, and what you consider to be bad/inappropriate thoughts are more than likely your ocd twisting and distorting things. You have to remember that these kinds of thoughts are experienced by everybody, it's just that those who don't suffer from ocd can ignore them and not assign them the unwarranted significance that us ocd'ers do.

Chin up mate-your thoughts don't determine your worth, actions do. :D

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Guest Fed up

This is awful, shaking.

I watched a tv program when i was younger and it was about people who went to a hotel where there was children, sorry cannot say anymore, too disgusting. I must have been stupid because i thought this was normal - this must sound terrible. Then during sex these images would pop into my head and for some reason they would not bother me.

Basically, if i had not watched this program, these images would not have entered my head.

But since knowing it is WRONG these thoughts/images do bother me greatly.

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Guest Smudger

Please don't let it bother you mate.

I understand where you're coming from, but it's an ocd induced perspective. Your ocd is harking back to a time where you saw something awful on the telly, and making you feel like you must be a bad person because your reaction wasn't extreme enough-well, it's natural. I'll be honest-when the Asian tsunami thing happened and it was all over the news, I knew it was bad, but did I really 100% care? No. Not saying that I didn't feel sorry or upset that so many had suffered, but did I have a huge surge of emotion that let me know I was a 'normal' caring person? Uh-uh. Doesn't mean I'm horrible or unfeeling, or that I was glad it happened, it just meant that I dealt with something that wasn't directly affecting me in a way that I could cope with. I knew it was awful, but It's the same with what you're going through-you saw something on the telly, you were fine with it (NOT because you thought it was normal, but because at the time your reaction was a balanced one without the inteference of ocd), but now your ocd is trying to twist it into something it's not.

Look at it this way-ocd asisde, I consider myself balanced. But, I love violent films. I accept them as being ok. Does this make me violent? Does it mean I accept and welcome violence in real life? No. Think of all the horrible stories you're exposed to via the media during the course of a week-do you have an extreme reaction to each and everyone of them? Of course you don't. Not because you don't care or because you're ok with it, but because there is only so much you can take, and if it happens outside of what directly affects you its impact is greatly lessened. It says nothing about you other than that you're human.

Long story short, despite what your ocd is telling you, you're fine. The fact that you're having these thoughts isn't important-it's what we can do to make you stop having them so you can lead the normal life you deserve that's important!

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Guest hope125
This is awful, shaking.

I watched a tv program when i was younger and it was about people who went to a hotel where there was children, sorry cannot say anymore, too disgusting.  I must have been stupid because i thought this was normal - this must sound terrible.  Then during sex these images would pop into my head and for some reason they would not bother me.

Basically, if i had not watched this program, these images would not have entered my head.

But since knowing it is WRONG these thoughts/images do bother me greatly.

48091[/snapback]

Hi,

just wanted to offer you my support - don't beat yourself up over these type of thoughts, easier said than done i know, but they are OCD thoughts, the very fact that you don't want them and have come online to share them is proof that you are a caring and sensitive person. I am a Pure O sufferer and would just like to say things do get better, it is hard, you will have tough times like you are now, but the thing to do is try to accept your discomfort and continue with other things as much as you can. Have you tried CBT? I found it fantastic for helping me deal with my horrid thoughts.

you are not a bad person, these really are very common OCD type of thoughts - OCD will pick on the most repulsive,horrible thing to you. my ocd focuses on fears of harming people - don't be ashamed about what you have written, the first few posts are hard, i know i was terrified that everybody would think i was a weirdo when i first posted! Quite honestly i think they had heard it all before!!

hope this has helped

Hope

xxx

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Guest justme

Hi Fed up,

its as hope125 and Smudger say,the OCD is distorting your view of the world and how you see it.You have to relabel these thoughts as being produced by your OCD and not coming from you.Try not too engage with the thoughs.I suffer from the same form of OCD and really understand how scared you maybe are.......its seems so real.But please take heart,its really the OCD,not you.If you can stop ruminating and then engage in some other thoughts or activity you will be able to beat the them.You are not a bad person.People without OCD have the same thoughts but do not react to them as we may do,that is,its normal to have these ideas and its only the OCD that is making you feel bad about them.In my experience,OCD unfortunately has a way of moving around from one thing too another.So when I have got one lot of OCD thoughts/compulsions sorted it seems to starts to express itself somewhere else in my life.I reckon its because I am only dealing with the OCD when it shows its self and never really kicking it out of my life.So the thing is too really root it out for ever.What I suppose I am trying to say is that as you pointed out in your first post "my obsession now is" is that the OCD can move around and we can obsess about different things,so we have to be aware of this and take action when we need too.Take heart ,you will beat it and by posting/sharing you are doing so.

Peter

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Guest Fed up

Thank you all so much for your replies - i was dreading looking on my pc this morning.

My partner says i'm just beating myself up about them - it does really bother me that i thought these thoughts during sex and they did not bother me. Sometimes i wish i could see what other 'normal' people are thinking during the day and what they think during sex - i'm sure other people must have 'weird' thoughts during sex but it does not bother them.

Thanks for all your support, it's greatly appreciated.

Fed up

X

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Guest hope125
Thank you all so much for your replies - i was dreading looking on my pc this morning.

My partner says i'm just beating myself up about them - it does really bother me that i thought these thoughts during sex and they did not bother me.  Sometimes i wish i could see what other 'normal' people are thinking during the day and what they think during sex - i'm sure other people must have 'weird' thoughts during sex but it does not bother them.

Thanks for all your support, it's greatly appreciated.

Fed up

X

48143[/snapback]

hi again,

glad we have helped a litle. can i just say i have had the thoughts during sex too! it does get better as i barely have them now and if i do i just let them go. when i was going through a rough period i also used to wish that i could have listened to what 'normal' people thought - whilst out shopping i would look at the person behind the counter and think they looked happy and normal so why couldn't i be like that?! - i think you would be suprised as to how many people think exactly the same type of things. from the outside you wouldn't dream i had any form of 'oddness'! millions of people suffer with this and be strong in the belief that it really will get easier to manage

take care

hope

xxx

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Guest Fed up

Thanks.

This is so hard - when i look back i've had thoughts about children and same sex during sex. I know people have ocd re being gay and finding people of the same sex attractive. Sorry for repeating myself but thinking about kids during sex is wrong and yet years ago it did not bother me but now i try and 'fight' them to go away as i don't want them. Looking back also, i never obsessed about this after the event, i just got on with my life and never gave it a second thought.

If you read my other posts you will see my ocd started when i had an inappropriate thought about my baby and i've put my sexual thoughts and this together and i've come up with the conclusion i must be a weirdo/monster.

I have been in a state of panic for 3 days now and don't think i can take much more. I've been to see my doctor and she's referred me for another course of CBT but the waiting list is approx 2 years and i don't think i can wait that long.

Fed up.

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Guest hope125

conclusion i must be a weirdo/monster.

I have been in a state of panic for 3 days now and don't think i can take much more.  I've been to see my doctor and she's referred me for another course of CBT but the waiting list is approx 2 years and i don't think i can wait that long.

Fed up.

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You are absolutely not a weirdo monster!!! have you got the book imp of the brain? i bought it a while ago, read it and didn't think much of it as one little comment made me worry. however have read it agin recently and have found it more useful. it basically tells you how ocd will try to torment you with thoughts of whatever it is you consider to be the most inappropriate thing that you could do.

TRy to accept your discomfort and continue with other things as well as you can, i find reading magazines/books etc often helps take my mind off things.

Re: cbt

i remember a while back somebody talked about cheap courses of cbt , something like £10 for a session. - try starting a new topic and ask where they run these sessions. i am pretty sure if you tell your gp how bad you are feeling you will get to see somebody earlier. you could try one of the support groups mentioned on this site?try taking a look at the www.babcp.org.uk website, The British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies - i am not sure if these are private, think they might be, but if you discussed it with your dr maybe he could arrange an appointment?you could even arrange a one off appointment whilst you are waiting.remember that we are always hear to talk, try eating the 'right' foods, excercise. remember you can always call the ocduk helpline, sane etc, etc.....anytime.

you'll be ok i promise -

hope

xxx

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Guest Fed up

Thanks.

I have read Imp of the Mind and found it really good but like you i did find some of it made me worry, e.g., when it says if you have ever acted out a thought. Do you think i've acted out a thought because i let them come into my head during sex? I'm really confused.

I think what i find worrying is that i use to have a great sex life even though these thoughts would enter my head and i never gave them a second thought - i must have been a monster years ago.

Fed up.

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Guest hope125
Thanks.

I have read Imp of the Mind and found it really good but like you i did find some of it made me worry, e.g., when it says if you have ever acted out a thought.  Do you think i've acted out a thought because i let them come into my head during sex?  I'm really confused.

I think what i find worrying is that i use to have a great sex life even though these thoughts would enter my head and i never gave them a second thought - i must have been a monster years ago.

Fed up.

48151[/snapback]

that is the nature of ocd, it will find problems/worries when there aren't any. you have not acted out a thought because you let it come into your head. thoughts are just mental chatter - we ocd sufferers are just very much on guard for the horrid thoughts so when one comes into our heads it causes great upset. the thing is everybody in the world has these thoughts us ocd ers just need to 'tune out' from them if you know what i mean. thoughts do not make us bad people, thoughts and actions are two very different things - i know how difficult this is but it will get better my love

keep in touch

hope

xxxxxxxxx

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Guest Fed up

But my worry is here - i thought things during sex and i enjoyed sex even though i had these thoughts - therefore in my mind i must be gay or a peadophile. When you said everybody in the world has these thoughts do you think if a person who lets a bad thought come into their head during sex is bad or is it 'normal' for people to have horrible thoughts during sex which do not bother them?

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Guest justme

Hi Fedup,

sorry to see you are still having troubles with these thoughts.My best wishes and support goes out to you.Listen to your partner.See if you can put these thoughts to "bed".Everybody has experinced these thoughts whether they have OCD or not.I have.I am sure that I heard a lecture by Paul Salkovskis where he talk about a similar experience while holding his child.You are a normal loving person who is having to do battle with OCD (which is the real monster!) The thing is to not engage with the OCD.Have you read the 4 steps that are posted on the web site here.If not please read them,they will help you and do work.Keep posting,but do not run with the OCD or battle it (ie ruminate)you will just go around and around,that is the nature of OCD,you are in control not your OCD.Walk around it.I am sure you can do it.They are just thoughts.

Lots of love and support

Peter

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Guest Fed up

Thanks.

BUT i had these thoughts before i was officially diagnosed with OCD and i must have enjoyed them because i enjoyed my sex life, they did not worry me and i did not give them a second thought. So therefore i must have had a real problem back then.

I will try and stop bothering you all now and let you get back to your Sunday.

Fed up.

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Guest tattyhead
Thanks.

BUT i had these thoughts before i was officially diagnosed with OCD and i must have enjoyed them because i enjoyed my sex life, they did not worry me and i did not give them a second thought.  So therefore i must have had a real problem back then.

Hi

I hope your feeling a tad better. I KNOW how you feel. Although my thoughts have always been of harming some one close , I know just what a grip of you they can have.

Things WILL get better. Post on here as often as you like. I've found it a great source of therapy.

I made a few small lifestyle changes which I think have helped me to control the OCD. I do yoga and meditation - even when I've felt like **** and not wanted to go, took up jogging, eat better (fresh food. no processed and loads of water), use lots of lavendar oil. In the bath, dropped on my collar or pillow - its a great relaxer. I'm on meds at the moment which I'm sure helped to take the edge of the anxiety/OCD enough for me to see light at the end of the tunnel. I'm also waiting for my CBT appointment. I think if you tell the docs how bad you feel they may push you up the waiting list.

Hope some of this helped. PM anytime for a chat.

Jane xx

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Thanks.

BUT i had these thoughts before i was officially diagnosed with OCD and i must have enjoyed them because i enjoyed my sex life, they did not worry me and i did not give them a second thought.  So therefore i must have had a real problem back then.

I will try and stop bothering you all now and let you get back to your Sunday.

Fed up.

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Hi Fedup,

I too suffer from pure o thoughts and know how disturbing they can be.

The answer to your question is in the quote above from your message.

You say before you were diagnosed with OCD these thoughts did not bother you and you " did not give them a second thought "

OCD symptoms and the specific thoughts and worries that bother us can change over time. For example, I used to be petrified of germs and wash my hands until they were raw. Back then I NEVER worried about bad violent or sexual thoughts. This wasn't because I didnt have these thoughts as I know I did but because I didn't pay attention to them, just like anyone who doesnt have OCD, they just slipped out of my mind. Now these violent/sexual thoughts are the main symptoms of my OCD as they bother me a ridiculous amount, but I never wash my hands like I used to now and thoughts about germs hardly bother me.

My point is this- the fact that you recall getting these thoughts in the past but they didnt bother you is categorically NOT a sign that you're a paedophile/pervert/gay or anything else-it just means that now, your OCD is taking on a new form. You may have only began suffering from OCD recently and even if these thoughts during sex are the first difficulties you've had with OCD, do not worry that you didn't seem to be bothered by these thoughts in the past. My OCD faded away and seemed to disappear for years but then returned during a particularly stressful time in my life. Similarly, your OCD may have just been waiting for the right time to manifest itself as in the past, your rational mind has told you that these thoughts during sex are just thoughts, nothing more nothing less.

OCD is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and is 100% NOT a true reflection of your personality.

I would reccomend what Jane wrote about lifestyle changes. I have began taking an omega 3, 6 and 9 capsule and vitamin B complex tablet as these are said to help out with brain function. I've also started doing more exercise-a workout video at home and lots of walking in order to keep my serotonin levels up.

Take things one step at a time. it will take effort to get better and start feeling yourself again-its worth it though :huh:

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Guest Gary

hey , ive sent you a pm but just remembered what ashie said to someone about sharing advice. we all have thoughts and even thoughts we have had before ocd , now we have ocd it will pick up on them thoughts and make us feel bad.when i was younger i had thoughts that at the time i thought was enjoyable and since remembering them being very disturbed i enjoyed the thoughts. but i looked at it this way " as long as i dont enjoy them now theres nothing to worry about"

Take Care

Gary

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But my worry is here - i thought things during sex and i enjoyed sex even though i had these thoughts - therefore in my mind i must be gay or a peadophile.

Hi there,

I don't know how much you know about Sexual Fantasy but trust me it is something that is practiced the World over by most people and even encouraged to assist with better sex. The range of peoples fantasies is vast and covers all manner of things that the person wouldn't actually do in real life : sex with parents/sibling, sex with same sex, group sex, rape or being raped, sex with young people, with animals, violent sex, the list is endless and people actively enjoy these thoughts to spice up sex. There are a couple of well-know books (on sale in ordinary shops) detailing such fantasies, Men In Love & My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday. These are books enjoyed by "Normal" people.

Think of a fancy dress party, at nearly every one you'll get at least one person dressed as a schoolgirl, sporting a Wonderbra and open shirt, stockings and stuff and all the guys go Phooaaarrrr, it is a turn on but it doesn't mean they want to go out and have sex with young girls or make them a danger. This is all normal stuff that people don't bat an eyelid about.

In your case OCD has become involved and repulses you and makes you worry that you aren't upset enough. Your fears about your baby are also very commonly held ones with OCD sufferers.

Have another read at 'The Imp' and you will see your own fears are not that rare.

Try not to be too distressed.

Caramoole :thumbup:

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Guest Fed up

Thank you for your post. I don't know what I would have done without this board - it really has been of great help and comfort.

Fed up

XXX

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