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Dilema re: mum's birthday and OCD


Guest wendy_04

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Guest wendy_04

Hello,

I think I might need some objective perspective on this matter and I can't talk to anyone else about it so I thought I'd post here :-)

It's my mum's 50th next month and me, my sisters and my Dad wanted to do a surprise party because for a good 6 months she's mentioned that she'd like one. Anyway, we've all left it to late and there is only one place that has the date we need. Now, I went to look at it yesterday with one of my sisters and I didn't like it. It's at the local football ground and basically it's the bar they use on match days which also doubles as a small function room. It wasn't tidy because there had been a do the night before and I felt it was really pokey but I don't know if I had my OCD hat on. The problem is my mum has OCD as well and when she mentioned a party she mentioned this posh hotel (which we can't get and is too expensive) so I don't think she'd like it either. However, my sister's disagree because they said if we don't do anything she'll be disappointed (there isn't a lot we can plan for her anyway because she has agoraphobia as well and doesn't travel further than in our town town). So a party was really the only thing we could arrange. Now I've fallen out with my sister because she said she's gonna do it anyway (she hasn't seen it cos she lives 200 miles away - she's only going by what my other sister has said). I told her I'm having nothing to do with it and I'm not paying my share. When I went to look all the shutters were down so it was really dark and I suppose that would make it look pokey. I don't know if I generalising that because it's at football ground I imagine brawls have taken place and blood is everywhere and I couldn't see it because it was dark, also I don't imagine the toilets aren't that great. I suppose it would look clean and relatively tidy, I just don't know, I don't want to let my mum down.

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This is so much like what happened with our family when it was my Mum and Dad's 50th anniversary.....To cut a long story short - my sister and I ended up not speaking (which had never happened before, but which resolved itself before the day - phew!!) and there were allsorts of negative stuff going on - Mum said she wished we hadn't invited someone and I got upset as I thought it would be special for her........... :thumbup: .

In the end we held the 'do' at my sister's house and did the catering ourselves - my OCD was just making itself known to me at that time and I was so worried that we would make the guests ill with the food - we just got lots of party stuff and made sandwiches and what have you. I was in such a tizz on the day that I hated every moment of it but Mum and Dad had a lovely day and the sun shone so we could spill out into the garden.

I'm sure whatever you do for your Mum she will like it - even all get together and go for a nice meal in a pub or hotel - it'll still make her a special day.

Sorry - no real help but just to let you know I've been there too (in fact I think loads of family 'do's' end up with lots of heartache - that's families for you!!!)

Anyway, hope you resolve your differences and that you have a great day for your Mum.

Take care

whitebeam

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Guest raindancing

Hi.

If your Mum really wants a 'surprise' party, and this is the only venue you can get on the right day, then I guess you have two choices:

1) Hold it elsewhere on a different day, or as Whitebeam mentioned, at home

OR

2) Make the best of the room you have and make it lovely.

To be honest, when she sees the effort you have all made and people turning up etc, the room should be last on her mind?

I don't know - it's horrible to be falling out over it though eh - maybe just all muck in together, make a good night of it for her, wherever it's held?

Good luck.

'Chelle x

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