How OCD affects relationships

[Guest Lukey123]

Hi everyone,

My OCD surrounds being scared of being a pedophile. It's mostly under control but i have relapses occasionally.

I've started being scared that i don't love my wife any more. I think this is just another intrusive thought, as all my worries usually boil down to the fear of being on my own. Has anyone else experienced this?

It really scares me as she's been great over the last 18 months whilst I've been going bonkers. What's really stupid is that it's come out of no

where and goes again as quickly.

[Guest Mrsp]

Hello,

I started with relationship OCD- for 4.5 years I continually accused my husband of cheating on me, not loving me etc. Now I've moved to pedophile OCD. Definitely all down to the OCD.

[Magicat]

For a while I questioned everything about my relationship, ruminating for hours!! It was a nightmare. Ultimately when it's OCD driving it it will adapt and change.

[addieey279]

OCD helped kill my relationship

[addieey279]

Hi,

You know for yrs I had this with my husband, accusations of cheating..

My husband is an actor, it really drove me mad for yrs..

I used to be really outgoing, extrovert, never cared or worried about anything.. Very confidant

Then I met my husband, after something quite traumatic had happened to me...

We got on really well and with him doing that kind of work, we were really well matched personality wise..

But over the yrs, ... It really changed me the opposite way

His flirty nature and job created a monster between us..

It's sounds silly but the constant attention by other actors and by woman turned me in2 a wreck...

I was never a jealous possessive person but it brought this out in both of us... That neither would own up 2..

It got to the point where love/ indifference started & ended..

The thing is ... it got really out of hand between us, and when I look back... I really don't know if this really was the green eyed monster between us or ocd.. It's a long story but basically 1 that I need to start a new thread on.. A question that DOES need answering 4 me, so i can pos get help.

but I'm worried it might affect other people quite badly.. I don't know where to post such a question.. Does any1 know who I could ask????

This is like me - was it jealousy or OCD in my relationship with my ex?

[LonelyOCD]

I also have the same thing. Whenever I am in a relationship I wonder about everything. Should I leave (for no reason), is the guy worth it, what if I am not happy, am I happy with him, should I leave and find someone else, just everything down to the point where I feel like I am going to become insane. I feel like I need to know everything about how he feels about me to make sure he will not cheat etc. It is the main reason I don't think I can handle being with someone. I think it is your OCD telling you, you don't love your wife, since I also have those thoughts when in a relationship. Try not to react on these thoughts, even though I know it is really difficult not to. Hope you feel better soon.

[Guest Mioara]

Reading your posts really helps me to understant what is going on into a ocd sufferers brain. I am wife of a odc sufferer. True,sad story.

My husband loves me alot,at least thats what i seen in the previous years,before he got ill.He still says he loves me alot,and still has lovely future plans with me. But the way he acts looks like he doesnt even care about me. Its just him and ocd. He asked me to give him some time and one of us to leave the house,and i left last night. We used to argue alot lately because a did not understand his behaviour and i decided that its better for us to put some distance for a few DAYS,coz weeks will just take us to separation for ever and i would die if that happens. I'd rather suffer next to him,that without him. He told me that if he was healthy he would show me so much more love and affection,but this damned ocd is taking the best things from us. Thank u guys for expsessing how u feel!

[Guest Mioara]

He doesnt wanna do nothing about it anymore and for me it is impossible to fight with a illness that is not mine. I do my best to read everything i can about it,i am trying also to find a therapis....but for who??? I see him giving up and its frustraiting me coz the man he used to be before ocd was a fighter...especially for things he wanted... i dont understand why he doesnt fight for his health aswell...i am losing hope and trust in everything and anything and i get depressed when i see him going down...even if he cares about me or not... what more can i do for him????? i am getting physicaly ill with all this stress i am going through...

[Guest Mioara]

Ocd sufferers, i need advice! If you go to my posts u will find my story. Until tonight i felt deprrssed,frustrate,angry. Right now i dont know what i feel anymore. I guess i am completly losing hope. I am tired of crying,for promises that never come true,tired to try pulling my husband up and him telling me that i only agravate his situation,i am tired of his lies(even if he blames this illnes) tired of him drinking and not wanting to accept that he has a problem. He blames ocd for everything. What should i do? If i see him fighting for us i woulnd think twice and i will stick to him as i did until now. He said he needs time to think and i know that all he did until now,since i left the house,was going out in nice place where he never takes me to.and he drank. What would u do if u were in my shoes?

[Guest Mioara]

I dont know what is real anymore in our relationship. We lost trust,communication,passion,the plasure of being a familly. I am overwhelmed and right know i clearly see that i lost all my power and there is nothing else i can do anymore,just to.give him his time and wait for a decision. Everything depends on him from now on. When sooo many bad things happen i realise that no matter how much i love him i will have to let him go even if it breaks my heart into pieces. Only he can save our marriage... maybe i feel like this coz i coulndt eat nothing in the last 4 days,and i couldnt sleep and i am mentaly and physicaly tired...

[Guest Mioara]

He is muslim and i am christian,but we never had religion issues and we even did the islamic marriage. I dont know what name i can give to his ocd,he doesnt even know it. I can tell u things he does: askinh me to repeat words and srntences a certain number of times, he asks me about everything i tell him"how do u know?",rolls his eyes back when hes trying to block intrusive thoughts,he started to lie for fun lately, he suddenly wants to do thing he never used to do before: chatting to other girls,giving them attention,he likes to go out in fancy places when he is not with me and he takes me to our regular places when we go out togethere. He even told me that he wants to do everything without me asking him "where are you,where have u been,who are you with" . When we fight he calls other women even if he is sexually inactive coz of the medication. He has this urge to do everything that is opposite to what i would like him to do and he used to do. We got married two months ago after almost 8 years of relationship and 7 years of living in the same house. We dont have kids... right now we have a big NOTHING...

[Guest Mioara]

hey everyone,

I am sorry to say,last night I had to take Xanax so I can get some rest...I wanted to sleep but my heart was beating so weird: verry fast,then I had moments when I couldn feel the beats. I also had liver ache al day yesterday,for the first time in my life. So I decided that I need something to calm me down. First I took 0.5 and I thought it might be less and then I took another 0.5 even tho I was scared I might not wake up with the pills and heart ubnormal beating. I hed the longest sleep in the last week or more..i slept like 10 housre or so..

I went to sleep nervous and I woke up the same.

Yesterday I nicely told my husband to spend some time with him self to think about the situation and again he lied to me he said he will do so and he will lie to the boys that he will be out of town so he can be alone. He sent me some text messages all day yesterday,like: I am happy with my achievement:i managed to do the laundry(for the first time in his life....I had to guide him through the phone coz he never used a washing machine in his life) and he said it didn't take him long to arrange the clothes on the thing u put the clothes so they can dry(I don't know how its called in English). I asked him once to take the clothes out of washing machine coz I had to go outside and it took him one our to put them to dry coz he was arranging and kept doing the compulsion for one hour.

He also sent a text message where he told me that he wants to be a good muslim...and in another message he told me that he needs to do therapy coz without cipralex he is a dead man. I was so happy to recive all this messages and I thought to myself" this guy really took his time to think about everything and he even communicates with me. At 8pm he said he was going to eat something and after that he was gonna go back home to complete his page on OCDChallenge. That made me more happy...but here comes the ******* off part: at 9:30pm he was still outside and told me he is eating and he will go home in 40 min(that would have been 10:10pm. I tried to stay calm and didn't say nothing and I waited for him to get home and ask me for the password for the ocdchallenge account. He got home at 11pm?!?!?!?! and he told me he was out with two friends( he told me he will spend the day alone so he can think). I still didn't say nothing,even though I was boiling from inside. He suddenly asked me where did I put the gas spray for his air gun coz he wanted to play. I asked him what is the conclusion he got to and he said he will tell me whet he feels after 2-3 days.That was the moment I completely lost it and I sent the username and password for the account and told him: I am tired,i want to go to sleep and good night. He replied" I only wanted to play a little with the gun:((((((.... I will start the online therapy on ocdchallenge now (((((((((((" and after this I said:" I also had a hope that u will tell me tonight what decision u took so I can finaly sleep peacefully coz I will know what I have to do from now on. This situation is overwhelming for me. I feel blocked in this place and in this situation. I am extremely sorry" and after that he didn't reply nothing. Before all this happened I was watching Temple Grandin and for a moment I fel asleep and I heard like a voice in my head" your marriage is over" and I woke up...it was like 2 seconds...really weird..i don't know if it was the feeling that the movie gave me...or it was only my brain who is starting to realize that this man doesn't want me in his life anymore. I am so frustrated and angry with him coz yesterday he said he will go outside to eat coz he feels is going insane if he stays allday inside the house... and I said to myself" its ok...he will go and after that he will go back home and think about it...today he wont stay only outside" it looks like I trusted his words more than I had to. What makes me angry is that I am here all alone(my brother is in Germany and my sister in law works from 8 til 7 everyday) and I asked him for ONE DAY to stay at home to think about it and he didn't think about me. I am going insane here all alone,reading continuously how to help him.... and he only thinks not about himself,how to put back the pieces of his life,but how to have fun like every other day.

Can anyone in here tell me what can I do??? my mind is telling me to give up and start thinking about what I can do for myself,but this stupid heart says"please wait....DONT GIVE UP!!!"

Edited August 12, 2013 by Mioara

[FoosBoo88]

I've had some relationship obsessions since a really tough time in our relationship back in 2009. It wasn't him or us, it was outside problems that affected the people in it. Once things settled down I had a really tough time convincing myself I don't love my husband because I've never had that sloppy mushy love you see in movies, and I'm not all snuggly like you see loads of young couples today (we're 26 and 24, so I do put myself in that 'young' group). We used to work together and became best friends, so there was never really that 'Oh my! S/he's so hot!' factor, we were attracted to one another's personalities. Before the wedding I developed a lot of harm obsessions and thought I wanted to kill my husband, I didn't want to marry him because I thought we'd get divorced, I was totally out of my mind. In the two weeks before and on our wedding day it was so stressful I had no time to obsess. I'm still getting used to being the wife now, after a three-year engagement, but it takes time.

I found a piece of advice once, I won't write it out because it'll take up the page. But to summarise, it said that relationships aren't all rainbows and sunny skies. There are, and will be, days when you don't know if you love your partner anymore, days when s/he really annoys you, days when you absolutely idolise them and days where you almost have no real emotion to them at all, other that being glad for their presence. It's natural and normal, it's OK to ask for some 'me time' and it's OK to want a romantic night in. Just make sure that, if you need some personal time to yourself, you make it 100% clear to your partner that you do still love them, you just need a bit of time to yourself. When you go back, give them a big hug and thank them for understanding. It does really help to keep the relationship strong.

Before my wedding, my Dad gave me one piece of sound advice. He told me not to find someone I can live with, but someone I cannot live without! It's definitely true!

FoosBoo88

[Guest Mioara]

This forum helped me a lot! It helped me understand most of the things I didn't know about my husband's problem and also it helped me find the way to communicate with him without pressing his anxiety key. I even convinced him to allow me to come back home so I can be closer to him and help him get rid of the stressfull situations.The only problem is that this time he will move out,but in the same city... and maybe area...just until my birthday which is September 11th lol. In this time he will have his space and he will try to fix his life in his own way. The deal is: if he doesn't do anything till that day, from 11th I will have complete control of his life and he will allow me to do whatever I think is best for him... I will need patience for this...but... God help us!!! It's only for 4 weeks from today...

[Guest Mioara]

I like the quote at the end hon.. V nice

Iv been with my partner 17 yrs.. Not married all of it but since we met..

In the early days its all worry worry worry.. R we going to get through this.. Is it over..

When u get older it isn't as bad...

In your marriage it def is.. For better for worse

In sickness and health

These trials if u can get through them is just a test and it will make u stronger..

I had relationship ocd.. Awful

But everything isn't hearts and flowers and gr8 sex cont...

After a while the sex thing slows down, you don't see them through rosé tinted glasses anymore..

U see them as what they r... Ur best friend...if u marry your best friend .. U r on 2 a winner...

It's a shame u hv not long been married

U r still going through the honeymoon period, where everything is make or break...

If he isn't going through relationship ocd then I don't know WHY u would need a break??

Was u living together b4 u got wed??

Or is the realisation of marriage making it worse??

Nothing brings u down to earth faster than washing their smalls and complaining about their annoying habits lol..

These things used to really annoy us to death about each other lol... ( but we all get through it.. It's NORMAL)

As you get older u will have a good old laugh about it... We do

I think u should ask ashley and see if he can suggest something hon... U hv seen it from our point of view, now u need to see it from a therapists... U can get the full pic then... They will advise u cos u r not ocd.. U r a unprepared spectator.. Big hugs hon xx

I have no idea what kind of ocd it is,but it definitely is ocd and I always keep forgetting to also mention about ADH...he developed it in the last month...or less and he also got Restless Legs Syndrome last October. Everything kicked in as it would be space for any other thing. I just hope it stops here...before its too late. We meet almost 8 years ago and we moved in together after 5-6 months....coz in the first months we used to spend every moment together so we decided we should do something about it. So,we always lived like a married couple...I don't think the marriage changed him.

As I said in the last post... the only thing I can do from now is just wait for this 4 weeks to pass to see what happens. if he doesn't do a thing about it, 12th of September I will introduce him to everyone here! In Romanian we have a saying:"i don't want to get drunk with cold water"=I don't have big expectations. Now I only have to focus on staying calm and think about myself how to hang on in this situation for 4 weeks. I also have to focus on my health coz 2 days before I left the house I was diagnosed with cervical spondylosis and I was supposed to be under treatment and physiotherapy which I didn't do all because of this situation. And if I mention about fibrocystic breast with fibroadenoma, gastritis,migraines and low blood pressure you might say" jeez!!!how much more can u take??" ... As I am trying to take care of my husband I am neglecting myself, and I wouldn't regret it if he was doing something about his situation...

[Guest Mark429]

OCD has helped made it that I haven't had a proper relationship ever. I am now at the point of being petrified of being pathetic to start a relationship (I also need to lose weight but hey ho)

I know the feeling only too well - I've only ever had one relationship and that ended badly over twelve years ago; now I wouldn't know where or how to start a new one again and frankly I can't see what I've possibly got to offer any woman.

[Guest Mioara]

Don't put yourself down mark, you would be surprised at what women actually do like...

Here's a scenario

2 guys knocking 7 bells out of each other.. The winner stands there swaying but still strong.. The other guy is on the floor with his head on the woman's lap having his wounds cleaned... Which 1 exactly is the winner???

Did you speak to ashley mioara?

We all need time alone to think... He has n awful lot to do regarding his job.. Must be awful to study and strive or so long, only to hv the carpet pulled from under your feet.. Bad enough for woman,... but to a man ... wanting to provide for all...and with social standing, place in society, new wife getting ready to start a family.. And friends and family especially if he is Muslim.. Is he Romanian or from Pakistan, Arab? Either way they tend to brag about how well the kids r doing and constant banter about any kids yet... Ooh I don't envy him.. In western society it's bad but eastern??? They are usually providing for the bigger family 2.

How do you tell friends and family... 1 bombshell after another???

He is prob pretty scared himself.. Having this & not being able to talk about it...

Is he a proud man hon.. Usually worse cos they won't ask for help either..

You need a guys view on this and a therapist .. Il ask ashley 4 u hon x

He is Pakistani muslim,but he lived in uk all his life,until he came in Romania for studies.Yes,he is a proud guy. When we moved in together,he decided that I should not go to work anymore because he thought at that time that his friends will think about him that he is not strong enough to take care of his girl.Things have changed now,and he thinks different,he is more open minded and he wants me to have a job coz he knows that its not good for neither of us if I don't keep my mind busy. But now I have to stay on standby coz we will have to move to uk by the end of this year,and its pointless to look for a job here now.

I contacted Legend,but no reply yet... I would like to talk to Ashley,especially if u think he could help me.

In about 2 hours my sugar baby is coming to pick us up(me and our dog). I am so happy...cant wait to hug him!!!!

[Guest Mioara]

the end of year mirora is a long way away, if u can get a job now you may as well.

I uderstand what u mean,but i made my plan already... If my marriage is going down i will go to Germany...I have no plan on living in Romania all my life.. i dont know why,i never imagined my life in this country...

[Guest Mioara]

OCD finally distroyed my life! I hate OCD!!! It took my love,my dreams,my future...my everything... It is destroying my husbands brain and i can do nothing about it.... He doesnt want me arround him anymore! ((( I hate OCD! I hate life!!!

[Guest Mrsp]

OCD finally distroyed my life! I hate OCD!!! It took my love,my dreams,my future...my everything... It is destroying my husbands brain and i can do nothing about it.... He doesnt want me arround him anymore! ((( I hate OCD! I hate life!!!

Has it ended for good now?

[Guest Mioara]

Yes I feel like dieing... I cannot imagine my life without him....

[Guest Mrsp]

Yes I feel like dieing... I cannot imagine my life without him....

What happened?

[Guest Mioara]

If u don't mind...i will copy-paste the private message i sent to Yasmin....

"With a broken heart....i am telling u it is over....last nite we had the worse moment of our lifes I managed to bring him home and i locked the door so he cannot escape and to have a chat with him..... (( He had a panic attack...he fainted,he tried to jump out the window(we live at 2nd floor),he put a knife to his throat and threatened me he will stab himself...then he had convulsions and he was crying like a insane person....it was more than i could ever imagine....It killed me from inside....IT IS OVER!!! And not because i took this decision,but he said i tortured him by trying to keep him like a prisoner inside the house... He said he doesnt need no any other woman in his life.... Today i looked for and appartment to move out and i am still looking... He made it verry clear that our thing is over and its pointless to continue like this... From my side i did everything i could to help him and to stay with him.... I feel weird: sometimes i feel nothing,sometimes i cry,sometimes i am ok and i am accepting the fact that its over...... Sometimes i fell that my life is over...OCD distroyed our lifes coz he is not happy either... I feel lost...and i wish i didnt love him the way i do...."

[Guest Mrsp]

If u don't mind...i will copy-paste the private message i sent to Yasmin....

"With a broken heart....i am telling u it is over....last nite we had the worse moment of our lifes I managed to bring him home and i locked the door so he cannot escape and to have a chat with him..... (( He had a panic attack...he fainted,he tried to jump out the window(we live at 2nd floor),he put a knife to his throat and threatened me he will stab himself...then he had convulsions and he was crying like a insane person....it was more than i could ever imagine....It killed me from inside....IT IS OVER!!! And not because i took this decision,but he said i tortured him by trying to keep him like a prisoner inside the house... He said he doesnt need no any other woman in his life.... Today i looked for and appartment to move out and i am still looking... He made it verry clear that our thing is over and its pointless to continue like this... From my side i did everything i could to help him and to stay with him.... I feel weird: sometimes i feel nothing,sometimes i cry,sometimes i am ok and i am accepting the fact that its over...... Sometimes i fell that my life is over...OCD distroyed our lifes coz he is not happy either... I feel lost...and i wish i didnt love him the way i do...."

That's so sad. I'm so sorry it's reached this point. Those of us with this disease aren't easy to live with I guess?

I'll explain how I see things (although others might disagree, I can only say how I see things living with OCD).

I sometimes push people (including my husband away). I get the most vile intrusive thoughts. Sometimes he will go to give me a cuddle, and I could be right in the middle of one of these thoughts, my stomach is turning, my skin is crawling, I feel anxious and upset, so I push him away, or don't really cuddle him back. Other times I will go out for a drive. Just around the city I live in just to get some headspace. Other times I will bite his head off when he says the slightest thing. Other times I tell him I will stay at my parents for a few days. This isn't because I want to make him feel bad, or that I don't want to be close to him, but simply because I cannot shake the thought, and feel that he deserves to be with someone normal, not a vile human being who has these terrible thoughts.

It sounds as though your husband might be going through this particular phase. I can't say for sure. I can't remember what particular strain of OCD you said your husband has, or if he is receiving help?

[Guest PaulM]

I think for anyone I've been with OCD has been difficult for them to understand. The sad reality is they leave. I don't mean that in a self pity way. It's just a simple fact.

If I ever get into another relationship I want it to be with someone who is willing to work on things, not give up. The stress of losing someone is too much to bear and stress sends my OCD off the chart. That's a vicious cycle I don't want to be in again.