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dont know what to do


Guest Si.P

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My OCD exists only at my work and this week its really gone nuts. I work maintaining trains and testing the safety systems on them but in January I started questioning my work and had to constantly recheck things. In the end it got so bad that I could no longer do my job and since then i have just been do little jobs to help out at work. For some reason this week everything has really blown up and I've been terrified even being on a train at work and yet I travel on them everyday without any problems. I can't afford to just quit but I dont know what to do.

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Have you sought any help/having any treatment for your OCD?

Many years ago....long before I had diagnosis of OCD, I gave up a career because of a specific OCD worry.

Whatever worry your OCD is creating, in reality won't happen. It's an intrusive and distressing fear. Awful for you....but with no danger or awful outcome for others.

Are you having any help for your OCD?

Caramoole :)

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I'm waiting for a time slot to come avaliable for cbt therapy and I have also had some telephone counselling through work but that hasn't helped. It has got to the point now where I'm expecting problems before they happen which I know makes it worse.

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Guest Mioara

Hi there,

I dont even know how to start as i am going through the worse time of my life. I am romanian citizen married with a british after 8 years of being togethere. We got married 2 months ago and we should have been happy... its killing me from inside to tell you that we are not happy as my husband who is ocd sufferer decided that we should take a break so he can think what is best for us.

He came in Romania to study medicine and next october he should have his final exam for specialisation in orthopedic and trauma surgery. (its so hard to express what i feel as we speak romanian in the house) He doesnt wanna give the exam anymore and the bad part is he lies everyone that he goes everyday to the hospital and he is preparing for the exam,and when he is tired he tells people that he had a hard operation previously,thats why he is like that. but the truth is that ocd is making him tired.He is also lying to me lately that he does something and i have to verify him and everytime i discover that he lied to me and i tell him and he gets upset and angry. He thinks i am trying to controle his life. This is the newest thing he does.

His ocd started to take our lives in april 2011. First things i remember are the questions he used to ask me(wich he already knew the answers to)...repetive words and sentences,checking and rechecking things,twiching,figiting. It got preogresively worse and worse to the point that he needs to stay alone to think if he wants to take back his life or give up. At least this is what he told me,even though i dont trust him anymore coz i dont know when he is telling the truth. Last night i left the house and i dont know if i will ever go back,firstly coz i think that he might not want me in his life anymore and secondly coz i started to thiink that if he doesnt want my help is pointless to insist as i am giving him more stress. At this moment he has no one next to him,just some random people that dont know about his condition. I am affraid to call him to see if he is ok coz it might stress him. He told me to just leave him alone until he takes a decision,but its soooo hard to do this as almost all my daily activities were related to him. I would give my life for this man!!! i am desperate!!! i want to help him and he rejects me... he says he loves me to but he finds it impossible to live like this,fighting everyday... there are sooo many other things to say, but i will continue later... i am depressed,i miss him,i am worried about him and i canot imagine my life without him at this moment. I moved to a different city where the only person i know is my sister in law(my brothers wife). last night was the fist time i came here...everithing is new,different,i miss our house,our life when we were happy. i need support,so i can help him...if he will let me to...

Thank you if you took your time to read my story!

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Guest dimmerswitch

Hi Si.P.

You obviously have a great responisibility in your job which involves passenger's safety. You will have had an intrusive thought pop in your head, and this would have upset, or challenged you, which has made you check and re-check. You have also begun catastrophising, waiting for bad things to happen. This is classic OCD bullying, and as Caramoole has said therapy would be a good place to start, and OCD sufferers never act on an intrusive thought or urge, so please, try not to worry.

I hope your appointment comes through soon and goes well. CBT is great for helping us all challenge this awful illness.

We are always here to help :original:

Edited by dimmerswitch
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Guest dimmerswitch

We all do, which is why this forum is such a support for us all :lol:

The first thing to remember is that these are only intrusive thoughts. Everyone gets them, even people without OCD.

The difference is, we attach importance to the thoughts, and bang, it becomes a disorder, especially when it affects our lives.

Next time you have an intrusive thought, acknowledge it as a thought, and even repeat it to yourself, you'll find that the significance and impact of this thought will diminish.

I'm not saying this is easy, I struggle everyday, but accepting intrusive thoughts as thoughts with no action will help you to reduce your anxiety levels.

No matter what the content of our thoughts, they are only that, thoughts.

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Hi there,

I dont even know how to start as i am going through the worse time of my life. I am romanian citizen married with a british after 8 years of being togethere. We got married 2 months ago and we should have been happy... its killing me from inside to tell you that we are not happy as my husband who is ocd sufferer decided that we should take a break so he can think what is best for us.

He came in Romania to study medicine and next october he should have his final exam for specialisation in orthopedic and trauma surgery. (its so hard to express what i feel as we speak romanian in the house) He doesnt wanna give the exam anymore and the bad part is he lies everyone that he goes everyday to the hospital and he is preparing for the exam,and when he is tired he tells people that he had a hard operation previously,thats why he is like that. but the truth is that ocd is making him tired.He is also lying to me lately that he does something and i have to verify him and everytime i discover that he lied to me and i tell him and he gets upset and angry. He thinks i am trying to controle his life. This is the newest thing he does.

His ocd started to take our lives in april 2011. First things i remember are the questions he used to ask me(wich he already knew the answers to)...repetive words and sentences,checking and rechecking things,twiching,figiting. It got preogresively worse and worse to the point that he needs to stay alone to think if he wants to take back his life or give up. At least this is what he told me,even though i dont trust him anymore coz i dont know when he is telling the truth. Last night i left the house and i dont know if i will ever go back,firstly coz i think that he might not want me in his life anymore and secondly coz i started to thiink that if he doesnt want my help is pointless to insist as i am giving him more stress. At this moment he has no one next to him,just some random people that dont know about his condition. I am affraid to call him to see if he is ok coz it might stress him. He told me to just leave him alone until he takes a decision,but its soooo hard to do this as almost all my daily activities were related to him. I would give my life for this man!!! i am desperate!!! i want to help him and he rejects me... he says he loves me to but he finds it impossible to live like this,fighting everyday... there are sooo many other things to say, but i will continue later... i am depressed,i miss him,i am worried about him and i canot imagine my life without him at this moment. I moved to a different city where the only person i know is my sister in law(my brothers wife). last night was the fist time i came here...everithing is new,different,i miss our house,our life when we were happy. i need support,so i can help him...if he will let me to...

Thank you if you took your time to read my story!

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I'd like to start by explaining that OCD is an awful, debilitating disease. I am also married, and feel so sorry for my husband as he has to live with the way I am as well.

It must be even harder for you not knowing anyone that you can turn to for help. But this forum is amazing for that.

I'll try and explain as best I can what it's like living with OCD. As you may or may not be aware, there are different types of OCD (you haven't alluded to what type your husband has, so it's a finger in the air type of hypothesis).

Some have contamination OCD (I personally don't have this, so I'm just going by what I've read on here - apologies if it's inaccurate). This means excessively cleaning and disinfecting as you believe if you don't, you, or. a family member will catch some awful disease.

Checking OCD (which I do have). You check, double check, triple check everything. For me, it's not that I think something bad will happen, it just doesn't sit right until I know I've done something. Even stupid stuff like checking the toilet paper has been flushed down properly!

Relationship OCD (I did also have that) whereby you doubt everything that is true about your relationship. I doubted his fidelity, his love, my love, my fidelity. All sorts for more than 4 years!!

Then you get the intrusive thoughts. They're the worst for me by far. I can't live with them at all.

Forgive me if I've missed something.

I know it must be hard for you :(

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Guest Mioara

Hi Mrsp,

Thank you for replying,it feels good even just seeing that someone stops for few minutes to help you,even with few words.

I know i wasnt clear in telling about what he exactly does,but i am going trough rough time and i need to fix myself so i can help him.

The worst thing he does and affects our relationship is that everytime i say something he makes me repeat it for 17 times and sometimes more even if he understands from the first time i say it and he admits it. He tells me that he understands but he feels that it didnt go to his brain how it should. Other thind is that everytime i tell him something(for example:this light bulb is made of glass) he asks me:"how do u know?".... for almost everything i say i have to say also where i know that from.

I hardly convinced him to see a psychiatrist this year in april and from 1st of may he started to take cipralex 15 mg/day. His psychiatrist also prescribed for his severe episodes of anxiety xanax and some other pills wich i dont remember their name. He said that his brain is better with the pills,but he makes me repeat more.

It really is verry hard for me and him...we are young(i am turning 29 next month and he is turning 31 this month)...we had so many plans togethere...we were planing to try to have a baby by the end of this year(even if we didnt have no sexual contact from last year in october :( )

He is depressed now and feels this urge to lie. I sent him a text message just now to check if he is ok(coz he told me that he also had suicidal thoughts lately) and he replied back:"i was gone lie to you again...i realise that i lie alot lately with no intention...i am going to the beach and i am gna leave the phone at home. I swear to god i am not lying. I was gona lie that i am going to hospital... dunno why"

It is so frustrating to fight something u cant see

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Guest OhThatCd

Hello Sip,

Don't let OCD take away your work from you! Thoughts come and go don't cling to them just keep doing what you have to do stop listening to your mind you know the loop brother. You can never find an answer for you OCD! You can never truly ease yourself from the thoughts by thinking so keep moving on the chatter will move on too but focus you attention to your work don't let the thoughts grab your attention they will be just a noisy chit chat in your head nothing else that's what ocd is. All my Love and Blessings

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Guest Mioara

Yasminhuskie. thank you for following my posts!!! Bless u!

I just sent him a long e-mail with things he needs to think about. Can u tell me which do u think it might be his reaction when he will read it.

Firstly I told him that I sugest him to stay inside the house today,to close the courtains,close his eyes and think about everything,coz going continuously outside will only give him the feelling of escaping problems,but at the end of the day he will come back and face the problem again.I told him that I know he might feel anxiety for staying one full day inside the house,but its only a day wich might change the way he is dealing with these things. I even took a printscreen of Legend's profile and sent it to him and told him that on this web page he will find people with same problems as his,but they are loking for real help and many of them get to the point where they can even start helping others.

After that I told him where I stand from now on. I told him that what he did until now and me accepting it,was not help from my side. It only made things worse. I gave him a list to chose what he wants for his life:

1 to be a doctor or to make some businesses as he did till now wich only got him into more stress

2 to be a family guy who comes home to find his peace after a day of work or to keep going out in clubs and coffee places for ever

3 to be the admired guy he used to be or to lose all his friends coz of his alcohol problem

4 to start fighting for his health or to keep it going like this till nothing good will remain from what he was

5 to be a good muslim or to be the negative example for good muslims

I told him that I will only stick to him only if I see him fighting from now on,coz until now he only kept me next to him with promises and I am not available to continue this situation. I told him that I still love the image of him, his voice and the memory of who he used to be,but the man he is now is a completely stranger.I told him that this break we took wont take us nowhere if it continues too long coz it is like his medical field: the faster u put back the bones togethere,the faster it heals and if u leave this fracture longer without fixing it may never be fixed again.

I told him that even if he feel now to just go oyt with the guys,it will come a day when he will want to have a normal family life again and it might be to late and he will not find me where he left me. That maybe he feels that he needs a new woman next to him who might give him new thing,and that this really might happen,but it wont be new forever,unless he wants to skip from one woman to another. He knows me,what he once felt for me(that there is no other person on this earth that can see him the way he really is without him feelling ashamed for nothing and that he looks up to me even if I am a housewife,the perfect one),and if one of these days a new girl will make him feel new things it might only be a short moment of pleasure,in general(I am not talking about sexual things) and after that he will discover that one is not as compatible with him as I was. I don't remember exactly what other things I wrote to him,but I know it was a very long e-mail.

So,what do u think he will feel? what would u feel if u were in his shoes? did I do a bad thing?

4

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Hi Mrsp,

Thank you for replying,it feels good even just seeing that someone stops for few minutes to help you,even with few words.

I know i wasnt clear in telling about what he exactly does,but i am going trough rough time and i need to fix myself so i can help him.

The worst thing he does and affects our relationship is that everytime i say something he makes me repeat it for 17 times and sometimes more even if he understands from the first time i say it and he admits it. He tells me that he understands but he feels that it didnt go to his brain how it should. Other thind is that everytime i tell him something(for example:this light bulb is made of glass) he asks me:"how do u know?".... for almost everything i say i have to say also where i know that from.

I hardly convinced him to see a psychiatrist this year in april and from 1st of may he started to take cipralex 15 mg/day. His psychiatrist also prescribed for his severe episodes of anxiety xanax and some other pills wich i dont remember their name. He said that his brain is better with the pills,but he makes me repeat more.

It really is verry hard for me and him...we are young(i am turning 29 next month and he is turning 31 this month)...we had so many plans togethere...we were planing to try to have a baby by the end of this year(even if we didnt have no sexual contact from last year in october :( )

He is depressed now and feels this urge to lie. I sent him a text message just now to check if he is ok(coz he told me that he also had suicidal thoughts lately) and he replied back:"i was gone lie to you again...i realise that i lie alot lately with no intention...i am going to the beach and i am gna leave the phone at home. I swear to god i am not lying. I was gona lie that i am going to hospital... dunno why"

It is so frustrating to fight something u cant see

You're welcome. Everyone on this forum understands where you're coming from.

The repeating thing is unusual- I've not heard of a case such as that where you're asked to repeat things that you've said. But then again, I've only been posting on this forum for a week, so it might be more common than I think. I sometimes ask my husband to repeat things that I've heard clearly, but once is usually enough. It must be mentally exhausting for you as well.

The lying side of things I'm also not party to. Maybe it's a cry for help especially as he was considering telling you he'd gone to the hospital rather than going to the beach which is what he actually did. Do you know where he is staying at the moment? With friends? Family? Are they aware of his condition? Has he tried speaking to a medical professional such as a counsellor, or his GP?

Sorry for the long winded reply, and 20 questions!!

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Yasminhuskie. thank you for following my posts!!! Bless u!

I just sent him a long e-mail with things he needs to think about. Can u tell me which do u think it might be his reaction when he will read it.

Firstly I told him that I sugest him to stay inside the house today,to close the courtains,close his eyes and think about everything,coz going continuously outside will only give him the feelling of escaping problems,but at the end of the day he will come back and face the problem again.I told him that I know he might feel anxiety for staying one full day inside the house,but its only a day wich might change the way he is dealing with these things. I even took a printscreen of Legend's profile and sent it to him and told him that on this web page he will find people with same problems as his,but they are loking for real help and many of them get to the point where they can even start helping others.

After that I told him where I stand from now on. I told him that what he did until now and me accepting it,was not help from my side. It only made things worse. I gave him a list to chose what he wants for his life:

1 to be a doctor or to make some businesses as he did till now wich only got him into more stress

2 to be a family guy who comes home to find his peace after a day of work or to keep going out in clubs and coffee places for ever

3 to be the admired guy he used to be or to lose all his friends coz of his alcohol problem

4 to start fighting for his health or to keep it going like this till nothing good will remain from what he was

5 to be a good muslim or to be the negative example for good muslims

I told him that I will only stick to him only if I see him fighting from now on,coz until now he only kept me next to him with promises and I am not available to continue this situation. I told him that I still love the image of him, his voice and the memory of who he used to be,but the man he is now is a completely stranger.I told him that this break we took wont take us nowhere if it continues too long coz it is like his medical field: the faster u put back the bones togethere,the faster it heals and if u leave this fracture longer without fixing it may never be fixed again.

I told him that even if he feel now to just go oyt with the guys,it will come a day when he will want to have a normal family life again and it might be to late and he will not find me where he left me. That maybe he feels that he needs a new woman next to him who might give him new thing,and that this really might happen,but it wont be new forever,unless he wants to skip from one woman to another. He knows me,what he once felt for me(that there is no other person on this earth that can see him the way he really is without him feelling ashamed for nothing and that he looks up to me even if I am a housewife,the perfect one),and if one of these days a new girl will make him feel new things it might only be a short moment of pleasure,in general(I am not talking about sexual things) and after that he will discover that one is not as compatible with him as I was. I don't remember exactly what other things I wrote to him,but I know it was a very long e-mail.

So,what do u think he will feel? what would u feel if u were in his shoes? did I do a bad thing?

4

I think he will probably feel annoyance especially as it sounds as though he's not addressing his problems. Does he realise that he is ill, or is he in complete denial? Speaking as someone who denied the severity of my OCD for 6 years, it's a bitter pill to swallow to finally admit it is far worse than you thought to begin with.

That being said, you are absolutely doing the right thing. Whilst I have no doubt that you love him greatly, you also need to think about yourself in this equation, and do what makes you happy.

Good luck!!

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Guest Mioara

Hi Mrsp,

Any sugestion is more than welcomed...I really need all the support so I can do my best...if there is anything else I can do.

I jst had a chat with him on YM( last time we did this was years ago, it ffelt nice doing it again,especially coz we used to chat non stop before we moved togethere...it was like going back in the relaxed past) he said he will think about everything I wrote in the e-mail,but he wanted to go out to eat,alone,coz he just took his pills(cipralex).I will try not to think that he is lying again,just to escape from reality.

The repeating thing was not this bad from the start...he used to only ask me one more time when it all started. but in time it got worse.

He lives in our house now,i live at my brothers... didn't tell my parents yet. They are old and wont understand what I am dealing with and instead of supporting me they might confuse me more. So I keep it only with few other persons who are really supportive these days.

About his friends...I don't know what to say... He evoyded everyone who knew him from before...maybe so they don't see the change... he has completely new (one month,or less)friends...

His family knows about his condition from me(not all of them),but the ones I spoke with only told me that he is like this coz he doesn't pray anymore,and he is not a good muslim... they don't understand and besides that...they are all in UK. But my husband didn't tell anyone coz he knows them better and he knew they wont understand what he is dealing with...coz YES he realize that he is ill...he always did...

He only went to psychiatrist and he told him to take pills,but also suggested to do therapy,with my husband evoyds by saing he is too busy.

My answer is also long...but as I don't speak English perfectly its harder for me to compress everything I want to say in small sentences.

Thank u!

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Hi Mrsp,

Any sugestion is more than welcomed...I really need all the support so I can do my best...if there is anything else I can do.

I jst had a chat with him on YM( last time we did this was years ago, it ffelt nice doing it again,especially coz we used to chat non stop before we moved togethere...it was like going back in the relaxed past) he said he will think about everything I wrote in the e-mail,but he wanted to go out to eat,alone,coz he just took his pills(cipralex).I will try not to think that he is lying again,just to escape from reality.

The repeating thing was not this bad from the start...he used to only ask me one more time when it all started. but in time it got worse.

He lives in our house now,i live at my brothers... didn't tell my parents yet. They are old and wont understand what I am dealing with and instead of supporting me they might confuse me more. So I keep it only with few other persons who are really supportive these days.

About his friends...I don't know what to say... He evoyded everyone who knew him from before...maybe so they don't see the change... he has completely new (one month,or less)friends...

His family knows about his condition from me(not all of them),but the ones I spoke with only told me that he is like this coz he doesn't pray anymore,and he is not a good muslim... they don't understand and besides that...they are all in UK. But my husband didn't tell anyone coz he knows them better and he knew they wont understand what he is dealing with...coz YES he realize that he is ill...he always did...

He only went to psychiatrist and he told him to take pills,but also suggested to do therapy,with my husband evoyds by saing he is too busy.

My answer is also long...but as I don't speak English perfectly its harder for me to compress everything I want to say in small sentences.

Thank u!

That's ok. I totally understand everything that you're saying, and it all makes sense.

It is very difficult to explain to people who have no experience of OCD. To say to someone 'I have indecent thoughts about children' would be extremely hard as they would automatically assume that you have the thoughts as you like having the thoughts. There's just such a lack of information and understanding about this disease, it's very frustrating!

It's good to hear that you've spoken to him, and that he's acknowledged that he needs to get help. But be warned, you have a long road ahead, and there will be some very tough times that you'll need to deal with together. I hope in time that he (and I) will learn how to better cope with this thing!

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Thanks for all the kind helpful replies and thread hi-jack? A couple of days off work has really helped me start to get my head back together again so I'm going to try to start a fresh tomorrow and see what happens. Thanks again everyone

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