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sigh1

will this anxiety ocd etc go ? (some sexual content)

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Guest legend

get help from a doctor or something

based off of the advice we have given ?

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I'm gay, completely and 100% gay and always have been. But occasionally, I get thoughts about men; sometimes I even get off on that. But it doesn't change my orientation, they're just random thoughts that everyone has. All men and women have thoughts about men and women from time to time, but it doesn't change their orientation. The difference between you and me is that I don't let my random thoughts affect me. If I had a thought about a man and thought 'what does it mean? Am I straight? Is my relationship over?' and started going and over it, checking, asking, testing.. then I would probably start to panic like you, to doubt myself, to question reality, and so on. But I don't - I just shrug the thoughts off as meaningless mental guff. This is what you need to learn to do, step by step, very slowly at first - but the first step is to try and stop engaging with the thoughts to the degree you are right now. There isn't anybody who can help you if you won't try and help yourself. It can be done, and you can get past this, but you need to change the way you're dealing with this, or at least try.

that last bit annoys me i have tried but its not lasted long, i can tell most people have not read my first big post today, also you say you get off at the thought of men ? the difference is i dont wanna get off on a gay thought, but i must get off on the thought if i get erect or its ocd making get off i dont know, i cant just shrug it off the way you can obviously something like that bothers me more than what it bothers you and i dont understand when you say i let it bother me ? i dont say oh ok i want that thought to bother me, it automatically does bother me

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based off of the advice we have given ?

my head is blank right now mate i cant think about things much to be honest but i guess i should say ok when you next get that thought say yes i do want to have sex with that horse, try and not let the thought bother you etc

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Guest legend

I'm gay, completely and 100% gay and always have been. But occasionally, I get thoughts about men; sometimes I even get off on that. But it doesn't change my orientation, they're just random thoughts that everyone has. All men and women have thoughts about men and women from time to time, but it doesn't change their orientation. The difference between you and me is that I don't let my random thoughts affect me. If I had a thought about a man and thought 'what does it mean? Am I straight? Is my relationship over?' and started going and over it, checking, asking, testing.. then I would probably start to panic like you, to doubt myself, to question reality, and so on. But I don't - I just shrug the thoughts off as meaningless mental guff. This is what you need to learn to do, step by step, very slowly at first - but the first step is to try and stop engaging with the thoughts to the degree you are right now. There isn't anybody who can help you if you won't try and help yourself. It can be done, and you can get past this, but you need to change the way you're dealing with this, or at least try.

what we call grey area of thinking, rather than being in a black and white blinkered vision, caused through anxiety fear and doubt, we see the whole

picture, where when you are in the grips of ocd, we see everything totally different

to get to grey area, you have to change the way you respond to the ocd ,and sit with the uncertainty and anxiety

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Guest legend

my head is blank right now mate i cant think about things much to be honest but i guess i should say ok when you next get that thought say yes i do want to have sex with that horse, try and not let the thought bother you etc

ok. but what if I decide to google it ,and test myself. is that a good way of seeing if im into beastality ?

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that last bit annoys me i have tried but its not lasted long, i can tell most people have not read my first big post today, also you say you get off at the thought of men ? the difference is i dont wanna get off on a gay thought, but i must get off on the thought if i get erect or its ocd making get off i dont know, i cant just shrug it off the way you can obviously something like that bothers me more than what it bothers you and i dont understand when you say i let it bother me ? i dont say oh ok i want that thought to bother me, it automatically does bother me

I apologise Sigh I shouldn't have said you weren't trying, I didn't really mean that. My point is that we all have random thoughts and fantasies but the key is to just shrug them off. When I say you let it bother you I mean the OCD makes you let it bother you - I know you're not doing it on purpose, none of us would want that kind of distress and I totally get that! But you need to just gently let the thoughts come and go without trying to figure out what they all mean. We all get random thoughts. I know how you feel because I have OCD too (as we all do) and I have been in a state of despair over various things, just not this particular thing.

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what we call grey area of thinking, rather than being in a black and white blinkered vision, caused through anxiety fear and doubt, we see the whole

picture, where when you are in the grips of ocd, we see everything totally different

to get to grey area, you have to change the way you respond to the ocd ,and sit with the uncertainty and anxiety

ye but to me that feels like that i am happy with it, even this erp therapy or whatever its called you have to do or say things but that will make me believe i am the thoughts

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for the past few days with me forcing gay thoughts in my head and going through them i have a good few times got an erection, but also sometimes i havent, sometimes it feels real sometimes i know its not what i want, mainly when horny it feels worse because its like i would let anything touch me i suppose, its got to the stage were i dont care but i do a little bit but the thoughts are not stressing me out much its like i have gave up or it could be seen as i know am gay or bi whatever,



when i ask myself things its like if i say ye or no nothing will be better, whatever answer i give feels like i dont really know its like i am that confused i dont know what i want and dont want,



if i am speaking to girls its like its for reassurance or its or i get thoughts in my head like its not what i want



if i think about girls like getting in relationships with them etc i feel down guilty and like i would just be leading them on to were its got to the stage i am actually scared of ever getting serious with a girl now because this stuff is drilled into my head so much now its ruined my life



i sit/lay there thinking about my past gay experiences and saying would i want him etc sucking my etc again sometimes saying no feels i dont sometimes saying no feels i am lying, sometimes i get erections, sometimes i dont, i think of different camera angles like from behind the man while hes sucking me seeing the back of his head going up and down



i literally am just punishing myself i think, now i dont even know whats what and whats wrong, right now i dont care about anything especially life again if everything turns out that i am gay or bi i will be dead or be in a mental home because i will not be living my way like that




the gay thoughts i put myself in do feel good which is not nice to agree but it does yet i dont want the thoughts to feel good, i dont wanna get erections sometimes, i dont wanna have the thoughts at all yet saying that it feels like i want the gay thoughts to happen and like i like them etc but then theres times sometimes straight after them feeling good i think of them again because i go over and over they then feel like i dont want them to happen and feel like i dont like them



everything is a mess, i even had a quick masturbate the thoughts got me erect and i masturbated saying is this really what i want while i am masturbating and had the thoughts in my head only lasted a few seconds, after that i knew it wasnt what i wanted to do but i did it but wasnt stressing about it its got to the stage were whats the point in reacting to it now as its never goin to go away,



i believe i will never ever be better and will be like this for however long i live, i dont want the thoughts yet sometimes it feels like i do, when the thoughts do feel like i wanna do them it feels like i have gave in but i say no its not what i want, if i was to let the gay thoughts be real i know i would regret them,




i just dont know anything anymore, i dont know if this is even ocd or i am actually just gay or bi, but i want girls so people may think am bi but i wont live as a bi i dont wanna like men or do anything with me AT ALL!!!!!!! i just wanna be straight or keep being straight all i want is girls yet i feel like i would want a man doing something to me, everything is confusing yet people will still say oh just ignore the thoughts were its absolutely impossible to do, may not be for you people but for me it is,




all i want is my mind to be at rest with gay things and my gay experiences in the past i want it all to go i wanna be with a girl i want everything to do with a girl, but that just dont feel like that will ever happen again, which absolutely bothers me so much to the point i actually dont wanna live so with me saying i dont wanna live how can people possibly think i am gay or bi? or think i am in denial? if i was gay or bi i wouldnt wanna girl at all i would want men i would be having ocd or anxiety whatever it is over straight stuff not gay stuff, all that seems to be on my mind is men men men men men like people from my past its like i cant have girls on my mind because i need this sorting out, but how do you seriously think i am able to ignore these thoughts or accept these thoughts and go on about my life normal, the thoughts bother me so much and seem real so how is it possible for me to say oh ok then yes i do want him sucking my etc or oh ok thats a stupid thought its not real ignore it, i have tried all this even if its for 1 minute 5 minutes etc i have still tried yet people think i dont listen or dont try i do try i do listen i have tried but its failed,




even on random times if i get a yoghurt and the thoughts are in my head as i am walking back upstairs i am stabbing myself in the stomach with a spoon a few times, i have actually punched myself hard in the stomach a few times, its either am in denial or its ocd yet i am unable to decide whats what,



if the time ever comes and i get thoughts in my head like i want a man to suck my etc what if i got hard at that moment actually didnt want to do it and walked away ? how does that label me? if i got hard does that mean i am gay? but if i walked away does that make me straight? see thats confusing, i actually feel i may have something worse than this anxiety or ocd because i literally do not feel normal,



guess what happened few days ago saw a little young lad about 12 or whatever and guess what happened pictured him sucking my etc absolutely great isnt it, but ye wait lets hang on lets just ignore that like it never happend or even better lets agree with it to try and make the thought go away,



i am being sarcastic yes but in others words i cant or the things suggested to do dont work for me, if i was to die i wouldnt have this bother, also anxiety ocd does not go away your thoughts do not go away they get easier yes thing is they dont go away and thats what bothers me the thoughts are always there so they are always gonna ruin my life, everyone if they even read this will think oh this is just ocd or anxiety talking but literally its not its me speaking about my anxiety and ocd or whatever it is,




also because i got erections over the thoughts more or less means i am gay doesnt it? like i said above if a man wanted to suck my etc and i felt like i did but walked away how does that label me? gay because i felt like i did? but not gay because i walked away? people can say well no ya not gay because ya didnt let it happen, but if i felt i wanted him to then whats the answer to that? ocd or just in denial and didnt let it happen?




i think its just the fact that my etc is getting sucked that makes me get the erection but then again the gay thoughts have a man in obviously so i know its a man doing it, i also feel i get off on the thought because i really dont want it to happen or i know its not what i want but because its not what i want i feel like doing it just because its not what i want so getting off on something you dont wanna do could be the answer but that again makes me messed up in the head maybe i am just a freak,




end of the day i want girls and only girls, that is what i want but which is killing me now is what i am gonna say now, we all want to be a millionaire but we arnt, so with me wanting girls and only girls may be something i cant have just like i cant be a millionaire, now that really hurts me right now i have goosebumps, i just cant believe this has happened to me


that was my big post for anyone that has not saw and are just reading from the latest page

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I apologise Sigh I shouldn't have said you weren't trying, I didn't really mean that. My point is that we all have random thoughts and fantasies but the key is to just shrug them off. When I say you let it bother you I mean the OCD makes you let it bother you - I know you're not doing it on purpose, none of us would want that kind of distress and I totally get that! But you need to just gently let the thoughts come and go without trying to figure out what they all mean. We all get random thoughts. I know how you feel because I have OCD too (as we all do) and I have been in a state of despair over various things, just not this particular thing.

i actually think of the thoughts and bring them on myself, i could be just punishing myself i dunno but i do actually bring the thoughts on my i start to stare and say do i want this would i want this etc

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Guest legend

ye but to me that feels like that i am happy with it, even this erp therapy or whatever its called you have to do or say things but that will make me believe i am the thoughts

well lets say your way isn't working at the moment, in fact its to the point of sucidial ideation.

so where do you want to be ? better and see the thoughts for what they are , or spend the next 20 years suffering ?

cbt works, its not a case of there you go , 5 sessions, its a prolonged step by step way

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Guest legend

if i dont reply for a few minutes its because i am getting a bath

reply with positivity not reassurance seeking buddy. it doesn't work

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well lets say your way isn't working at the moment, in fact its to the point of sucidial ideation.

so where do you want to be ? better and see the thoughts for what they are , or spend the next 20 years suffering ?

cbt works, its not a case of there you go , 5 sessions, its a prolonged step by step way

see the thoughts for what they are? i dont want to see the gay things as true

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Guest legend

see the thoughts for what they are? i dont want to see the gay things as true

ok that's a positive would you say ?

So if you get an urge to seek clarity, what do you think is the best thing to do. ?

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ok that's a positive would you say ?

So if you get an urge to seek clarity, what do you think is the best thing to do. ?

well i dont know what the best thing to do but i guess you think the best thing to do is ignore it or something? i dont know

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my appoint is for the 30th of this month i phoned up today,

still getting erections to gay thoughts putting myself in gay situations it feels like i am enjoying it so i guess i am enjoying the thoughts i am getting erect and i even gave in and masturbated to it very quick, i guess i am gay after all then ? or bi ?

reading up about why i get erect about unwanted thoughts etc, why should i accept the thoughts in my head ? when its only gonna make things worse, yes avoiding thoughts or whatever makes them worse aswell but i am actually putting myself through the thoughts i am forcing them on me and i am getting hard by them ? yet i wanna die wanna hit myself i actually punched myself in the head about 4 times on each side together, i feel like punching myself in the stomach i wanna hurt myself i dont wanna live etc, is this because i am in denial ?

why accept the thought of being gay ? its only gonna make me believe that i am actually gay or some to my senses that i was gay all along? i just dont see the point in this?

i am lost, i am a freak, i am getting off on gay thoughts which i dont want why? i must wanna be gay or i must be gay if i am getting erect about gay thoughts, so when i say i dont wanna be gay and hit myself it must mean i am in denial musnt it ?

and this isnt reassurance i actually need answers as i am so confused here as i dont know what i am or who i am

Edited by sigh1

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just hit myself loads in the stomach and i am crunching my body as its hurting obviously as i type as the thought i got in my head which made me erect felt like i was liking it, so i lashed out, i must like it if i am feeling like i do, so hitting myself because i am in denial am i ?

i just wanna curl up and cry to be honest

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