will this anxiety ocd etc go ? (some sexual content)

[Guest sigh1]

Dont be Gay or Straight you don't have to be. Just be Here. Enjoy Brother Look at the sky !

......

[Guest sigh1]

This conversation isn't helping you Sigh. You don't need to look for genuine feelings or test out theories or any thing else.

You are in the grips of an OCD attack, a vicious anxiety attack and all this soul searching is making it stick on full blown alert.

You say you're a horny young man without a girlfriend but I still feel much of this stuff is a checking compulsion. Try give it a break.

I understand how painful this is right now but you have to change your response... and you can

Is it tomorrow you see your GP?

Caramoole

friday

[Guest sigh1]

but with me may getting appointment of cbt i dont like the sound of erp therapy as i feel it will brain wash ya into believing your thoughts with you having to think of the thoughts etc or accept them etc

[Guest sigh1]

even while on the ps3 got feelings as if i was getting turnt on by someones voice and it was panicking me sighhh

[Guest sigh1]

looking at my penis and saying this is for girls then to get feelings as if i am lying to myself and wanting it to be men instead, same old bull,

[Guest icallitmadness]

You're testing, checking and looking for reassurance again!

It's the monster, it's OCD.

So, can you accept that OCD is "telling" someone, or making them feel that they HAVE to switch the light on and off five times or something bad will happen? It's the same for you with the gay thing. Rationally you know you're not gay, but OCD makes you feel like you could be.

Is your appointment this week?

[Guest sigh1]

my appointment is friday yes, i dont really feel comfortable going on about masturbation etc but i have to say how it is, looking at a nice curvy girl solo clip before yet i enjoy it i feel i cant enjoy it fully for some reason maybe because of the thoughts i have had and put myself in for a number of months now,

if i scroll across a gay section and you see the thumbnail of the section is go over and over it do i like that do i want that, no its not what i want but i cant stop thinking whether i woud like it happening to me or not were as i dont want it happening to me yet its like i would act on these thoughts/urges whatever it is because its different etc,

it seems weird but something you dont want can try and make you wanna do something you dont want to do its strange its confusing, if the thoughts arnt there everything would be fine,

like a girls legs spread open i just wanna starting licking her etc, yet its like i have to think well what about a man would i do it to him were i dont want to yet it feels like i couldnt control the thought etc and do it it scares me, yet sometimes it will make me think i like it i think i dunno?

i wanna be with a girl, touch a girl as in touch her face her leg etc just a friendly touch, touch a girl sexually, kiss a girl, smell a girl, go places with a girl, i dont wanna do all them things to a man yet when i say i dont know want in my head this just isnt enough ? this just wont go away, even when i say i wanna girl etc etc wanna kiss a girl etc etc i get a feeling straight after as in it makes me think its not what i want or i am just lying to myself, or if i am enjoying looking at a girl i end up feeling depressed because its like i cant have a girl or couldnt be with a girl right now because of the way my mind is at the moment,

i am supposed to be meeting a girl sunday yet i cant feel that excitement right now about meeting her well not fully feel it, yes people may say you can have a girl if thats what you want or dont let the feelings get in the way this is all so easy to say yet for the person who is suffering they cant control these thoughts and even if ya try and control them you cannot be calm or feel the full good feeling you want because the thoughts are making you think other things,

the thoughts seem so real its like your cant accept its ocd yet you still try and question in your head,

i hope it is ocd, i am just sick to death of this i will ever be with a man i will make sure now saying that makes me nervous as in i am lying etc its just a ******* joke, i just feel this will never ever go away ever, i have had anxiety for a number of years now and it hasnt gone? so how can someone make me think it will go or get better in the future when its still here killing me ?

[Guest sigh1]

i mean people will think i dont listen yet if i am saying no i dont wanna be gay no i dont fancy this man no i dont wanna touch a penis etc etc yet when i am saying no i dont i get a feeling like it is what i want or when i say i dont want to its like i am lying? what am i supposed to do ? its hard just to ignore it so you have to go on and on and on yes sometimes it may do nothing going on and on about it but leaving it is like accepting the thought is right

what am i supposed to do ? its like theres nothing i can do its like something is wanting me to just ruin my life by doing things i dont want to do yet it also feels like with me wanting a girl is not what i want? i cant win either way

Edited August 20, 2013 by sigh1

[gingerbreadgirl]

hi sigh,

the anxiety will go but you have to really try to follow the advice that people have given you here. the anxiety will never go if you keep going over and over it. you're keeping the anxiety alive mate. you need to work hard at letting it go or it will never leave you alone.

[Guest sigh1]

sick of having doubts about things i want and like and feeling like its not what i want, i suppose people are sick of me going on too but this is how i can get it out, every time i see a male its automatic now for me to think i may like him or if ya just look and without thinking a man has good lucks its a automatic thought as if i like that man yet i say i dont yet it feels like i am lying ... sometimes i am ignoring them but i cant all the time, people may say its ok to think a man has good lucks for me its not ok it just isnt

[Guest icallitmadness]

hi sigh,

the anxiety will go but you have to really try to follow the advice that people have given you here. the anxiety will never go if you keep going over and over it. you're keeping the anxiety alive mate. you need to work hard at letting it go or it will never leave you alone.

gingerbread girl is right. hopefully once you've had your appointment and things get underway regarding treatment it will help. But you have to know there is no magic fix, you can't cure OCD. So until you really start to try working on what people are suggesting here you're facing an uphill struggle. I don't mean to be harsh because I know how hard it is - we all do - but you have to start helping yourself.

[Guest sigh1]

yep it is hard, when i see a male on tv i get nervous its like do i like him etc, i dont say oh yes hes gorgeous like i do when i see a girl i like, yet this makes it hard for me to get with a girl once that opportunity comes i always remember reading something its not nice to lead a girl on to then brake her heart when you say you gay now that worrys me incase that happens to me....

when i go over in my head like no i dont want men no i dont a man touching me etc why do i go over it? or why do i stop then start again? has anyone ever done that before?

cant be happy for some reason, i always feel well is it because i am gay ? would i be happy with a man? yet i wont nor would i wanna try and find out, i just wanna be with a girl and have no thoughts in my mind that will try and ruin things,

how will i be able to live with things like this in my head forever?

will medication help? the right medication?

what about this ERP therapy noone has ever replied back about it, its like you have to agree with thoughts and act as if you are the thoughts yet this is scary to think about as i feel it will brainwash ya and because ya acting on these thoughts and agreeing its all going to be in your head that you say such and such and will then become such and such?

when i look at a man on tv or whatever without saying anything i know whats going to come, if a man has good lucks so what good on him, yet with me saying this and trying to not feel nervous with the thoughts its hard, its just like its automatic thoughts, if i say no i dont want that etc some reason my mind is trying to make me want that? is that ocd?

[Guest sigh1]

also still whenever thinking of girls or watching girls on the internet or me with girls cant help but think would i like that with a man and it just spoils everything .....

[Guest icallitmadness]

It would probably be best to discuss ERP with a doctor and/or therapist and then decide if you want it.

The thing is, whatever anyone writes on here you seem to ignore and go back to the same questions. I know it's the OCD that is worrying you and you're trying to understand it, but it's like until you hear what you want to hear you're ignoring anything else. Maybe speaking to someone in person who can answer your questions immediately and explain things in more depth will help. But I would say unless you're open minded about how to deal with this you might find it a lot harder.

I really hope this doesn't sound mean, that's not how I am trying to be, I am actually concerned that you get the right help and make progress because I really do know how hard it is, we all do. But please try and really hear what they say tomorrow.

[Guest sigh1]

i am listening i do take things in that get said to me on here its just hard, was listening to a song and someone comments about some man rappers name sucks big dick, so i repeated that in my head about 4 times and in my head it was like i was saying would i do that or just thinking about it i dunno why ? and i dismiss it and say no, when i was writing something in my job log before listening to music without even having to go over in my head about unwanted thoughts i am saying NOO NOO because i know whats there in my head with me saying NO i guess is making it worse but i dont wanna say yes because i am agreeing with the thought then and also scared that i become something i dont want to be, even with some words in the music i was listening to was getting my penis ( wasnt the word penis but i am trying to be respectful on the forum ) was getting my penis sucked obviously the rapper saying it was on about getting it sucked by a girl but me i have to ask myself would i want my penis sucked on a couch by a man and i get a feeling in my stomach now i hope and want this feeling to be a scared feeling its like a sudden turn feeling in my stomach i cant explain properly but i could then think in my head i may be mistaken it for a good feeling ? same thing in another song penis sucked by 4 different women, i had to think would i want my penis sucked by 4 different men yet my attention goes down to my penis as if i like it i get a feeling down there or FEELS like i get a feeling down there it could be a scared feeling like you get in you anus when you get scared ie when people say nearly **** my self etc, so then i put my arm on my pc desk and put my head down just because its like oh here we go again i dont wanna be thinking oh what about if it was a man etc,

one question i havent asked before can ocd make you like things you dont want to like? and can it make you feel turnt on or pleasure out of things you dont like? i am just wondering about that maybe i shouldnt because if it happened to me its gonna panic me obviously but anyway ...

kissing a girl being with a girl doing things with a girl or basically just being with a girl is what i want which i have stated more than once yet these thoughts are gonna stop be from enjoying this make me feel uncomfortable and make me think i am lying and wanna be with a man, yet if i think about being with a man to fight these unwanted thoughts ocd whatever the hell it is if i deeply think about it and going through things its gonna seem like i wanna think about it and try and make me like these kind of things

i do feel its a bit harsh when people are saying oh your not listening etc or thinking i am not listening yet you should know if you have had unwanted thoughts ocd thoughts thoughts that wanna force ya to do things ya dont want to do force ya to do things ya know ya dont want and force ya to make ya feel like you like the thoughts you should know that its is quite hard and you cant just stop like that, i have been suffering with this BULL for awhile now with no medication really just something i take of a night which does absolutely nothing i have nothing in the day to help me were as others may have medication helping them through the day and something that works of a night, i have to listen to things on my phone to help me sleep like air conditoners etc etc yet my mind is still ticking away i am still going through things in my mind getting stressed out etc i thought going to bed was to go asleep and not fight to sleep in other words its hard for me to sleep i can lie in bed for about 2 hours or so and still not feel tired even though i am tired

[Guest icallitmadness]

i am listening i do take things in that get said to me on here its just hard, was listening to a song and someone comments about some man rappers name sucks big dick, so i repeated that in my head about 4 times and in my head it was like i was saying would i do that or just thinking about it i dunno why ? and i dismiss it and say no, when i was writing something in my job log before listening to music without even having to go over in my head about unwanted thoughts i am saying NOO NOO because i know whats there in my head with me saying NO i guess is making it worse but i dont wanna say yes because i am agreeing with the thought then and also scared that i become something i dont want to be, even with some words in the music i was listening to was getting my penis ( wasnt the word penis but i am trying to be respectful on the forum ) was getting my penis sucked obviously the rapper saying it was on about getting it sucked by a girl but me i have to ask myself would i want my penis sucked on a couch by a man and i get a feeling in my stomach now i hope and want this feeling to be a scared feeling its like a sudden turn feeling in my stomach i cant explain properly but i could then think in my head i may be mistaken it for a good feeling ? same thing in another song penis sucked by 4 different women, i had to think would i want my penis sucked by 4 different men yet my attention goes down to my penis as if i like it i get a feeling down there or FEELS like i get a feeling down there it could be a scared feeling like you get in you anus when you get scared ie when people say nearly **** my self etc, so then i put my arm on my pc desk and put my head down just because its like oh here we go again i dont wanna be thinking oh what about if it was a man etc,

one question i havent asked before can ocd make you like things you dont want to like? and can it make you feel turnt on or pleasure out of things you dont like? i am just wondering about that maybe i shouldnt because if it happened to me its gonna panic me obviously but anyway ...

kissing a girl being with a girl doing things with a girl or basically just being with a girl is what i want which i have stated more than once yet these thoughts are gonna stop be from enjoying this make me feel uncomfortable and make me think i am lying and wanna be with a man, yet if i think about being with a man to fight these unwanted thoughts ocd whatever the hell it is if i deeply think about it and going through things its gonna seem like i wanna think about it and try and make me like these kind of things

i do feel its a bit harsh when people are saying oh your not listening etc or thinking i am not listening yet you should know if you have had unwanted thoughts ocd thoughts thoughts that wanna force ya to do things ya dont want to do force ya to do things ya know ya dont want and force ya to make ya feel like you like the thoughts you should know that its is quite hard and you cant just stop like that, i have been suffering with this BULL for awhile now with no medication really just something i take of a night which does absolutely nothing i have nothing in the day to help me were as others may have medication helping them through the day and something that works of a night, i have to listen to things on my phone to help me sleep like air conditoners etc etc yet my mind is still ticking away i am still going through things in my mind getting stressed out etc i thought going to bed was to go asleep and not fight to sleep in other words its hard for me to sleep i can lie in bed for about 2 hours or so and still not feel tired even though i am tired

This is absolutely true, but you have to stop analysing it. If every time I tried to hold a knife I quizzed myself about whether I really did want to stab someone, and if I am therefore a psychopath even though I don't want to stab anyone, or what about just cutting them, and am I dangerous - no, I know I am not because it's the OCD making me feel that way. I know I will never do any of those things, or even want to do those things, but my thoughts tell me I might. It's horrible, i endure them being there, but I know I am not and will not be a dangerous psycho. THat's the difference.

[Guest sigh1]

yes but what scares me is acting on the thoughts what if i was to act on the thoughts or what is all this is true and i am gay, what if i so wanna suck penis have penis in my anus etc yet its not what i want ? it doesnt even make sense, so do you get feelings like you may act on the thoughts and may want to act on them? but dont ?

[Guest sigh1]

just like the thoughts of touching kids harming kids like i read before, some people are quick to say if you get thoughts of gay stuff oh your gay but hardly anyone would say yes your a peado because you have them thoughts etc it cant be one way for someone then different for another surely

[Guest icallitmadness]

Yeah of course. If I am holding a knife, especially a really sharp one I feel like "oh I could just stab so-and-so" but it's like a separate, stronger part of me says "don't be ridiculous you will never do that" and there's never any danger of it. OCD is irrational, but your own responses are rational (that's the only positive with OCD)

[Guest sigh1]

i would rather suffer with ocd harming someone instead of gay thoughts,

i have before today a few times actually done a gun shape with my fingers and pointed it and said bang gay thoughts die, also before with my pen put it inbetween my fingers so it was sticking out and thinking of punching the thought with the pen going straight into the head to kill it .... weird

[Guest icallitmadness]

I think maybe what's confused the issue is people have asked, innocently, if you wanted to question your sexuality - perhaps thinking you might be in denial rather than have OCD. But you're right no one questions other types of thoughts that way. So ignore that (I think it was meant harmlessly, but anyway) having certain thoughts or feelings that are OCD are the exact opposite of who and what you are. That's what makes it so unpleasant and difficult to handle

[Guest icallitmadness]

i would rather suffer with ocd harming someone instead of gay thoughts,

i have before today a few times actually done a gun shape with my fingers and pointed it and said bang gay thoughts die, also before with my pen put it inbetween my fingers so it was sticking out and thinking of punching the thought with the pen going straight into the head to kill it .... weird

Well i would rather suffer gay thoughts. Would you really rather think you have murderer potential than being homosexual?!

[Guest sigh1]

Well i would rather suffer gay thoughts. Would you really rather think you have murderer potential than being homosexual?!

probably yes

also on the reply before your last you think i am in denial?

Edited August 22, 2013 by sigh1

[gingerbreadgirl]

wait, you think being gay is worse than being a potential murderer?

[Guest sigh1]

wait, you think being gay is worse than being a potential murderer?

being gay? so people think i am gay even though i have posted loads of replies about never wanting to be with a man and would rather die etc?

and maybe saying yes was a bit over the top but i dunno

Edited August 22, 2013 by sigh1