will this anxiety ocd etc go ? (some sexual content)

[Guest sigh1]

i did its just hard to do i really cant just move on from them

[Guest legend]

i feel the thought is always going to bother me mate, what scares me alot is if i was to see a gay man and you know he loves doing things with a man that i will want to do things with him or something, maybe its the fear that makes me feel i want to ?

no but i cant do anything else i cant just let them be there and do nothing even if i tried and i have they are still there i am still feeling upset and annoyed or feeling oh maybe i am just gay then whatever i do everything is still there, even when i listen to music words like be real to yourself or something like that i get in my head oh does that or should i be real to myself and say i am gay or something? or even playing on the ps3 while i am actually playing the game the thoughts are still there even though i am playing footie or mostly just killing people on call of duty everything is there, its there when i am drinking cans outside the ground before i go inside to watch the footie they are they, they are there before i go asleep until i wake up they are probably there even when i am fully asleep i wouldnt be surprised its just too much

evil evil illness if I could take it away mate I would. but what we have to do is keep perservering and not question, debate, reassure even post, we have got to be a real hard mean son of a bitch and work at the cognitive side and accept why we get the thoughts

am I a paedophile? , I had all the symptoms you did to a degree, I contemplated suicide because of it, its evil, but what I did, and you will, is

change, and change the way you respond

According to ocd I was a paedophile. According to ocd, your "uncertain" , mine went even further ( not a contest btw)

So try, yes do try, keep trying, you will get kicked in he nuts by ocd, let it kick you, it will hurt, but I tell you what a kick in the nuts is better than suffering

from ocd for life

[Guest sigh1]

no wonder you people get annoyed or think i dont listen because of my replys i put here but its just something i cant do nothing can keep my mind off it, if i was to be having sex with a girl thoughts would come in my head, i remember an ex saying to me once ( nothing to do with sex ) cant remember what it was about but i said the thoughts gonna come back again and she said it will do if ya keep thinking like that or say that but the thing is i know the negative thought whatever it was would come back i was just stating a fact that its gonna come back, so right now while i am sitting here eating my roast if i was to go meet a girl kiss her etc or if have sex with a girl or just be in her company i know i am gonna have these thoughts and its not even happened yet

[Guest sigh1]

evil evil illness if I could take it away mate I would. but what we have to do is keep perservering and not question, debate, reassure even post, we have got to be a real hard mean son of a bitch and work at the cognitive side and accept why we get the thoughts

am I a paedophile? , I had all the symptoms you did to a degree, I contemplated suicide because of it, its evil, but what I did, and you will, is

change, and change the way you respond

According to ocd I was a paedophile. According to ocd, your "uncertain" , mine went even further ( not a contest btw)

So try, yes do try, keep trying, you will get kicked in he nuts by ocd, let it kick you, it will hurt, but I tell you what a kick in the nuts is better than suffering

from ocd for life

i will try again or keep trying

[Guest legend]

i will try again or keep trying

awful though, and understand fully how difficult it is, imagine having sex and ya best mate enters your head !! that's no way to be is it !! no, its horrid

but what we have work at is that its no good saying to partners, or others, whats happening, is that we anticpate it "may" happen , it has no representation

of what we are as humans, in fact a lot of your mates and mine it happens to them, but they don't have ocd

Bad luck I call it, but what one musnt do is try and work out a solution

the next time you have sex, my god its gunna happen, deffo; but its about the what you do as a person , to try and work out a solution that matters

most

that's where the kick in proverbials kicks in, and take it, your brave enough as it is, proof is ocd sufferers are brave, they do more in a day mentally than

a non sufferer does is a month in some cases, but the fact is, we don't have to

that's my perspective

[Guest sigh1]

when i was mastubrating before it was like i was purposely looking for a gay picture to come up to test myself again or was i just looking for it because i wanted to i stopped looking purposely though and left it but now because i was purposely looking for it i am thinking i must be gay i wouldnt of masturbated to it i just dont have a reason why i was looking for it purposely i wasnt typing in gay or anything i guess it was just testing now i have my hand in my hand wondering why i was,

i also said to myself weres the gay stuff then then straight away i said **** off so it was like i was purposely testing or something, i dont know why i am being stupid i even said what if that was a man doing that to another man etc, i just cant stop testing etc

now my head ticking away now its like i dont want a girl now but i know i do i dont wanna live like this

[Guest sigh1]

battering myself now saying why did i purposely look for a gay picture i only looked for a few seconds but still i looked i shouldnt have to do this for testing i shouldnt have to test now going over everything but will try and stop

[Hal]

You're being tied in knots sigh, you were purposefully looking for the image to as you say test yourself again, that decision was being driven by the OCD wasn't it, you then did the right thing by refusing to go along with its demands by not checking and then the thought popped up that you were only looking because you might be gay - completely overlooking that testing yourself in the first place was fuelled by the OCD.

Don't try and unpick the knot, it isn't important and doesn't need to be untied, relabel all the strands as OCD and try to refocus.

We all make mistakes along the way, there's not one person here who hasn't fallen for its tricks at one time or another, the important thing sigh is you've recognised you were testing yourself - a couple of weeks ago you wouldn't have realised that, you're making progress.

I know it doesn't feel that way at the moment, but you are - please stop beating yourself up for one mistake, as I say we've all been there at one time or another and will be again unfortunately, move on from it, draw a line under what's happened and start off where you left off.

You're making progress sigh, that's all that matters, it's a rocky road, one on which we all stumble, but you're on the right one.

Hal :original:

[Caramoole]

battering myself now saying why did i purposely look for a gay picture i only looked for a few seconds but still i looked i shouldnt have to do this for testing i shouldnt have to test now going over everything but will try and stop

When you get this strong urge to test, to check.....Wait. Delay that overwhelming urge.

.

Make a pact with yourself that you won't check for 15 minutes. We can all survive 15 minutes. You won't die, you won't go mad, you won't explode.

So when that urge hits....have a plan, go play a computer game or have a bath, whatever....but don't do any sort of check, wait.

When you get to 15 minutes you might find you can cope a bit longer...so hang in there for another 5 minutes.

Put in a delay between the urge to check and checking.

Do some practise every day

Caramoole

[Guest sigh1]

thanks both, i feel weird like the thoughts are there trying to come in but they arnt coming in but i have said do i want to do that and said no and left it as that and said i want girls and left it as that i am trying to not do it,

[Guest sigh1]

You're being tied in knots sigh, you were purposefully looking for the image to as you say test yourself again, that decision was being driven by the OCD wasn't it, you then did the right thing by refusing to go along with its demands by not checking and then the thought popped up that you were only looking because you might be gay - completely overlooking that testing yourself in the first place was fuelled by the OCD.

Don't try and unpick the knot, it isn't important and doesn't need to be untied, relabel all the strands as OCD and try to refocus.

We all make mistakes along the way, there's not one person here who hasn't fallen for its tricks at one time or another, the important thing sigh is you've recognised you were testing yourself - a couple of weeks ago you wouldn't have realised that, you're making progress.

I know it doesn't feel that way at the moment, but you are - please stop beating yourself up for one mistake, as I say we've all been there at one time or another and will be again unfortunately, move on from it, draw a line under what's happened and start off where you left off.

You're making progress sigh, that's all that matters, it's a rocky road, one on which we all stumble, but you're on the right one.

Hal :original:

i hope i was testing myself

[Guest sigh1]

just had a thought from the gay experience in the past and it felt like i was getting aroused by it which i was but i didnt want to nor do i want to so i panic a bit inside i just must be gay musnt i? i want girls and it just seems like i cant have them mainly because of the thoughts but also i wouldnt want to while i have these thoughts, i feel all tight and horrible inside saying this now i basically dont wanna live at all simple as that, thoughts are arousing me sometimes so obviously i must be gay or bi whatever ya wanna call it so i dont wanna live, i cant have girls feeling like this, i feel i would act on the thoughts in the future too or couldnt be able to say no and let it happen, i cant carry on with this its all too much i get aroused by some gay thought yet i dont want to but when i think of past girl experiences its great its what i want etc, thing is the gay ***** makes me aroused sometimes and i cant deal with that because its wrong in my eyes it arouses me or because i liked it years back it probably is making me feeling i am aroused by it still testicles moving etc feels like my penis will start growing etc it didnt but if i kept going on with it it probably would of

i dunno whats gonna happen for my future i just cant go on like this i couldnt live a gay or bi man thats just not me i would rather die and if that doesnt sound nice to anyone i dont really care you do what you wanna do ye but i dont wanna do that i dont want this yet i feel like i would and do want to but i just dont and i dont wanna live simple as

Edited September 16, 2013 by sigh1

[Guest sigh1]

and this arousal cant be ocd because i have had this before but not as strong as this i have actually masturbated over the gay past years back too after it happened but i wont do it again, but how can it be ocd ? nothing makes sense i want girls not men or maybe i do want men or just want men doing things to me but cant accept it maybe thats because i dont wanna accept it nor do i want to do it, theres something wrong with me things that are wrong in my eyes i feel i get off on it or something, just something is not right

Edited September 16, 2013 by sigh1

[Guest sigh1]

now i go over the thoughts and say no to them and its kinda like ok theres nothing major making me going over it as much but i still go over it, thing is i was getting aroused by 1 of the thoughts which has killed me so like i say its hard for me to just ignore this and move on i cant do it

now i am saying i want girls and now its a shocked feeling inside me making me feel i dont when it is i wouldnt think twice about going over to a girl and kissing her or something yet that can make me feel like oh i dont really mean it its just to fight off the real thoughts of me being gay, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz **** off sorry for swearing i am just fed up

Edited September 16, 2013 by sigh1

[Guest sigh1]

i got out the shower one day and laid on the bed letting the air dry me, my ex came in and said oh i then she opened my towel ---- this is a feeling and thought i WANT and LOVE

another one i was on the playstation my ex puts her hand up my shorts as i am playing she then pulls it out a------- thats another thought i LOVE yet i get feelings or thoughts in my head like its not because my own mind noone elses MY OWN MIND things its a big game to mess around

i got a lad out of class one day in school he walked on he knew were he was going ( underneath the staircase ) so i was meeting him there, soon as i got there he unzipped my pants and sucked it, this is what i DONT WANT yet it makes me feel aroused this is what i cant understand this is what kills me this is what i dont want ever ever ever ever yet it feels like i cant forget it or something

if i was to see a gay man who talks like a girl walks like a girl loves the penis in his mouth and anus i feel i would get urges or some sort wanting him to do something to me just because he loves penis, why? i dont want to yet i get urges like i want to or will feel aroused and want to etc but i dont want this ? i just cant win here, everything is messed up so above is basically whats going on in my head if i was to do something gay i know i would regret it straight away yet because i know this and know its wrong IN MY EYES makes the urge or something whatever it is makes me wanna do it or if it got to that stage would make me feel like i want to do it when i dont, i cant even say deep down because saying that now makes me feel like its a complete lie

so wrong things feel right and right feels wrong, wrong things feel like they wanna give me a buzz but normal and right things are just nothing or make me feel like i dont want to,

i wanna go to bed with a girl NOT a man but saying that makes it feel a lie, i wanna wake up with a girl NOT a man but this feels like a lie, i wanna hold a girls hand NOT mans hand again this feels like a lie i dont even have to think about if its a lie or not i know its gonna feel like a lie because this anxiety is too strong and completely messed my head up, i wanna put the cover over a girl when shes cold at night NOT a man as if, i wanna hold a girl NOT a man i wanna smell a girl kiss a girl do naughty things with a girl go out to places with a girl etc etc not a man yet it feels like its a man i want to do or want to do aswell this is unbelieveable actually nearly made me laugh/smile but i am very far from happy or even wanna laugh or smile so thats even messed up nearly smiling or laughing when i clearly am in no mood or state of mind to feel happy with these sick thoughts like i said if anyone is taking offence to this i really dont care and i dont mean it in a bad way i just dont care if you wanna be gay and do whatever thats up to you noone should stop ya thing is its wrong in my eyes thats all yet again that will feel like a lie again

great isnt it

[Guest legend]

still looking for certainty mate

how about we try not to look for it and resist posting you fears as an eg ?

[Guest Idiot1979]

Hi Sigh,

The fact that you're on a website seeking help, re-assurance, and are researching this stuff tells me you're almost certainly OCD and not gay.

There's a great clinical quote - "look at how hard a person is fighting the thoughts. That is a clue to whether it's OCD". This is not me saying it or me telling you in it. It's in medical journals. Resistance to the thoughts (as in not liking them, and fighting them) is the hallmark of OCD, and particularly sexual OCD.

The irony is (stating the obvious), this won't comfort you, or help you, because the OCD won't allow it. This list, again, is from a clinical/medical journal, and is used by therapists to diagnose. I hope it helps to calm you down. As in truth, if you were gay, it would be very obvious to you. There would be no debate.

1: People with Sexual OCD occupy their mind with the thought. It's on their mind all the time. If you were actually gay, or a cross dress, or a pedophile (just listing the common OCD themes) it wouldn't occupy your mind much at all. It wouldn't bother you that much.

2: People with Sexual Obsessions and OCD are anxious and distressed by the thoughts. If you actually were gay, you'd find the thoughts fun and enjoyable. Although you would then possibly feel guilty for having so much fun (it doesn't seem like you're having too much fun!)

3: People usually only ever come for help, online or with therapists, if they're OCD.

4: The more OCD you are, the harder you fight the thoughts. Gay have the thoughts as they enjoy them. People with OCD only have them to check they're properly (in their mind) horrified.

5: People with OCD do masterbuate to gay thoughts, or try to. But very rarely, if at all. If you were gay, you'd do it all the time, enjoy it, and look forward to it. Think how often you have actually masterbuated to men (if at all), compared to women..................It will probably be 1-2 times for men, and thousands of time for women. That's the logic. But OCD people aren't logical

6: Being gay, or say a Psychopath, or a Pedophile is ego-syntonic (look it up). That means that they accept it naturally, and it's often their perfect self image. It's how they want to see themselves.

People with OCD are the opposite, they're eco-dystonic. This means that they hate the thoughts, and how it makes them look.

7: People with OCD avoid trigger situations, and it makes them distressed. Actual gay people enjoy the trigger situations

I hope this helps. I realize (through my experience) that OCD basically makes you ignore everyone, and not listen to anyone. But this is all the clinical/medical things they use to diagnose people. I suspect if you try and diagnose yourself, you'll find it very hard to say you are actually Gay

Edited September 16, 2013 by Idiot1979

[Guest sigh1]

thanks for replying both dont wanna just say nothing incase people think i am ignorant or something

Edited September 16, 2013 by sigh1

[Guest Idiot1979]

i would rather suffer with ocd harming someone instead of gay thoughts,

i have before today a few times actually done a gun shape with my fingers and pointed it and said bang gay thoughts die, also before with my pen put it inbetween my fingers so it was sticking out and thinking of punching the thought with the pen going straight into the head to kill it .... weird

OCD is personal.

Whatever your personal fear is, that's what you obsess about.

The thing you are most scared of being is gay. So OCD latches on to it.

[Guest Idiot1979]

thanks for replying both dont wanna just say nothing incase people think i am ignorant or something

If OCD were easy, sites like this would not exist.

The very fact you're on a website, asking millions of questions, and pouring your heart out, suggests you're almost certainly OCD.

If you were gay, it would all make sense to you. You would not immediately like it, but there would be no debate in your mind.

The anxiety is probably coming as, you know gay people don't always like being gay and even hate it. So you think, you're the same, potentially.

The important thing you're missing though, is gay people always know. They may keep it secret, and live a hetrosexual life sometimes, but they always know.

They're never trying to work it out. They're never arguing it with themselves. They're never anxious about the fact that they could be gay. They just know they are, from a young age, and deal with it in their own way.

Straight people have natural, human responses to all sorts of things - why? Because the act of sex, to some extent, turns them on.

Straight sex, turns you on. But straight sex involves a penis, and thrusting, and sucking, and licking. So there's crossover in your mind. And everyones.

What's the difference between straight you and your equally straight friends - you obsess about this quirk of human nature, and they don't.

And the more you obsess, the strong it feels.

The only way to win, is to not obsess. Calm down. Accept this is how the world is, and how people are.

Edited September 16, 2013 by Idiot1979

[Guest legend]

If OCD were easy, sites like this would not exist.

The very fact you're on a website, asking millions of questions, and pouring your heart out, suggests you're almost certainly OCD.

If you were gay, it would all make sense to you. You would not immediately like it, but there would be no debate in your mind.

The anxiety is probably coming as, you know gay people don't always like being gay and even hate it. So you think, you're the same, potentially.

The important thing you're missing though, is gay people always know. They may keep it secret, and live a hetrosexual life sometimes, but they always know.

They're never trying to work it out. They're never arguing it with themselves. They're never anxious about the fact that they could be gay. They just know they are, from a young age, and deal with it in their own way.

Straight people have natural, human responses to all sorts of things - why? Because the act of sex, to some extent, turns them on.

Straight sex, turns you on. But straight sex involves a penis, and thrusting, and sucking, and licking. So there's crossover in your mind. And everyones.

What's the difference between straight you and your equally straight friends - you obsess about this quirk of human nature, and they don't.

And the more you obsess, the strong it feels.

The only way to win, is to not obsess. Calm down. Accept this is how the world is, and how people are.

yep but what if

[Guest sigh1]

If OCD were easy, sites like this would not exist.

The very fact you're on a website, asking millions of questions, and pouring your heart out, suggests you're almost certainly OCD.

If you were gay, it would all make sense to you. You would not immediately like it, but there would be no debate in your mind.

The anxiety is probably coming as, you know gay people don't always like being gay and even hate it. So you think, you're the same, potentially.

The important thing you're missing though, is gay people always know. They may keep it secret, and live a hetrosexual life sometimes, but they always know.

They're never trying to work it out. They're never arguing it with themselves. They're never anxious about the fact that they could be gay. They just know they are, from a young age, and deal with it in their own way.

Straight people have natural, human responses to all sorts of things - why? Because the act of sex, to some extent, turns them on.

Straight sex, turns you on. But straight sex involves a penis, and thrusting, and sucking, and licking. So there's crossover in your mind. And everyones.

What's the difference between straight you and your equally straight friends - you obsess about this quirk of human nature, and they don't.

And the more you obsess, the strong it feels.

The only way to win, is to not obsess. Calm down. Accept this is how the world is, and how people are.

the first thing in bold, i could be that not liking it yet nor do i want to, yet me saying i dont want to could be me not accepting it or something?

the second thing in bold, what if thats me ? i end up saying sometimes what if i am gay or maybe i am gay ?

yet i am worried about all this, every male i see on tv or whatever its like i like him or do i like him etc, when i see a girl its a frightening now and i dunno why its like its something i cant have which i want yet i think well why would i feel frightened when i see them now? its what i want, yet i always think i could just be saying i want girls but not really wanting them? when i see men its straight away oh do i like him would i kiss him etc etc and theres already the answer in my head all the time well answers i say no and theres something there saying i do or just making me feel like i do

[Guest sigh1]

i feel a physically hurt feeling on my body like aching its hard to explain thats how i feel right now, when i think of me having these such thoughts i just feel like crying and upset i am not happy with the thoughts i dont feel happy but that could be me not making myself happy with them? like i said i want girls but why do i feel scared seeing them now or just upset its like i cant like them or something

[Guest Nikki79]

Can I just I am alot like Saz regarding acceptance of OCD and I am suffering on and off for over twelve years. Its such a tough thing to do

[Guest sigh1]

i am depressed right now and down face feels all hot dont seem to care about anything, speaking to a girl and just thought of her, touching myself not masturbating though, but then i said or a mans **** but didnt touch myself with that thought gonna go and lie in bed and go asleep soon and listen to my air conditioner sounds but will be waking up to the same old