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new to this site and really need some help


Guest sarahanne14

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Guest sarahanne14

Hello to everyone, I am new to all this so I apologise if I seem a little unsure of what I'm doing! My son is 10 years old and I am pretty sure he is suffering with OCD. We have had an initial assessment with CAMHS and have been waiting for just over three months for an app with CBT. Although he doesn't seem to display a lot of physical signs ( compulsions) he is a terrible worrier. The worries are around security and door being locked, gates being locked and when he seems to be more anxious he worries about bad things happening to himself and me. I am a single parent and I have been really struggling with bedtimes. We had started putting a film he knows inside out on in bed and he falls asleep watching it, he says it helps his head be quite. The lady at CAMHS advised I don't let him do this as it wont help him sleep!! I have tried everything I can think of over the last five years, sleep and bedtime has always been a problem. Last night is was gone 1am before he settled and I had to take him into school late. He tells me he is thinking about his day and checking that he has done everything and then worrying about things that are coming up. He doesn't like his teacher very much (neither do I ) she is very strict and he is scared of her which hasn't helped this last few weeks. I believe he has been suffering with this since he was very young but its been a multitude of things happening all at the same time that made me start to think maybe it was more than him just being a sensitive child. Or as people kept telling me he was needy and needed to toughen up! which really hasn't been helpful. Because I don't know for sure and haven't yet been told its definitely OCD I am really unsure what to do. Do I need a diagnosis? how do I get one? Sorry its a bit of a long post but I feel so isolated and do not know where to turn. Its affecting work and family life because I am so tired and do not know what I am doing :sleep: Thank you in advance for letting me get some of it off my chest :original:

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I just wanted to say hi sarah :original: and apologise for taking a short while to reply to you.

I was saying to another mum in the same position as you last week, I might not be the best person to advise you about your son, I've had OCD since I was a child but I don't have any firsthand experience looking after a son or daughter with the condition, but I'll try to help if I can - hopefully someone else might 'chip' in soon though and be able to also offer you some guidance, fingers crossed.

The NHS cogs are notoriously slow unfortunately, but I'm glad your son's on his way to hopefully receiving a formal diagnosis for OCD, it certainly sounds from what you've described like OCD to me, possibly it's affecting him more in terms of mental compulsions rather than as you say outward physical signs.

This might be where my lack of parenting experience comes to the fore, but I can't really understand tbh with you why if watching the film is the only thing that helps your son to sleep why that's a bad idea, I know it's usually not ideal, but under the circumstances with what you're all going through it seems a little draconian to me to withdraw it if it's helping him, just my personal opinion - perhaps there's a logic I'm unaware of though.

It's tricky to know what best to suggest in terms of helping your son now with what he's experiencing and his not being able to sleep, others might disagree with me here, but for the time being I just wonder if you could use a capsule time technique where we allow a certain amount of time to go over and face the thoughts, but once that time's up we stop - that wouldn't count as complying with its demands.

It's much too early to even begin thinking about saying it's a CBT technique as such, but maybe it could be used quite subtly w/o making it sound too scary and would help your son when feels he has to check things and think about the day ahead earlier in the evening before bedtime.

Maybe you could sit down quietly in the evenings at a set time each day and say that you're organising your own day ahead, would he like to join you thinking about his day to come too, his worries etc and once the 15 minutes or so are up, you could possibly tell him that now we're organised we can leave those thoughts behind and concentrate on the present, it might just be enough to help him feel calmer and more settled before bedtime.

I don't think that would constitute supporting the OCD and might help him feel more rested and relaxed, just a possibility.

I know from reading other families experiences how hard it is to juggle work, family life and a family member with OCD, I'm not surprised you're exhausted, but I think if you could do what you're already doing by being here and posting and maybe learn about the disorder, how it works etc, it might help, not just your son, but I think also once we know what we're dealing with some of the fear and anxiety go too.

We do have quite a bit of info on the main OCD-UK homepage, but a couple of articles that might be helpful are available HERE also something geared towards children HERE but it might be better to have a read through yourself but hold-off showing it to your son until you have a firm diagnosis and another one's available HERE

I hope that might help a bit, but I think the best advice always comes from people who've walked the same road as us, so hopefully a mum or dad caring for a son or daughter with OCD will also reply.

Hal :original:

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Hi Sarah,

I really feel for you and your little boy. It must be so difficult to have to deal with this as a child.

Hal has given some good pointers and I'm sure our other members who are parents of children with OCD will be able to offer some support.

I would also like to point you in the direction of some of the books that are available for children, explaining OCD at a childs level. There are also books available for parents of children with OCD. You can find them by following this link http://www.ocdshop.com/index.php?cPath=1&osCsid=95dcd93a79f6926cc369b2166b4e22d9

Caramoole :)

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Guest sarahanne14

Thank you so much for you responses and links. I shall be sure to have a good look at those. I will definitely try setting a time for us to talk/ think about what has happened that day and what's to come the next day that sounds like a really good idea. I have thought about setting up a home/school book just to try to keep his teacher in the loop as to how he has been regarding sleep which I thought may help with him worrying about getting into trouble for not concentrating or being tired. His teacher unfortunately is quite unsympathetic but I feel she hasn't had any experience with this kind of thing. I shall keep using this site to see if any other parents/carers have advice to share. I think the hardest part has been feeling so alone with it all so thank you again

Sarah :original:

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Hi Sarah,

It's a shame your son's teacher isn't more sympathetic isn't it, it makes you wonder sometimes why some people go into teaching - a lack of school support's also something that again came up a week or so ago with another parent helping their child.

Although there is greater awareness than there once was, there's still a way to go unfortunately - maybe along with keeping a log it might help to have a word with his teacher and give her a print-off of some of the articles about what OCD is and how it can affect children, if she really isn't receptive at all I'd be tempted to get the headmaster on side, it isn't fair for no allowances to be made.

What's really important is you're addressing the problem now, one of OCD-UK's management committee originally came to the charity for support and advice to help her son, who from memory I think was around the same sort of age as your son is now and he's doing really well after accessing the right support - the sooner OCD's tackled the better the outcome :original:

Let us know how you get on with CAMHS and it goes w/o saying if you hit any problems I'm sure Ashley, the charity's Chief Exec would be happy to help at any time.

Hal :original:

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Guest sarahanne14

Thank you Hal, its always a comfort to hear that with the right support my boy can get through this and come out the other side. I have printed off your booklets and also requested a meeting with the head teacher and his class teacher to see how we can help him through his last year at primary. I am determined not to be brushed off :p I shall keep you posted :original: Thanks again xx

Sarah :thankyousign:

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