HIV

[Guest hannahmaniac]

Hey everyone, I had started to ease off on the HIV fears, infact they werent really bothering me, but they have come back and I would like some advice. As you know I had unprotected sex with my ex-boyfriend, because we were both virgins and obviously didnt think we needed to use that sort of thing. The problem is, looking back there was one thing he said, basically about how to make sex better. This is scaring me, because I dont know whether he knows this from reading/talking/experience. I want to ask him whether he had slept with anyone before, even though I am 95% certain he hasnt. Everything else points to it being his first time. But I am so scared, I am waking up with shallow breathing thinking about it and I dont know what to do, if you could help, I would appreciate it, Thank you, Hannah x

[Guest NickNickNick]

If you and your bf were both virgins, there is nothing to worry about.

If you discussed this with him when you were going out, then you already know the truth. Dismiss this as OCD and move on...you cannot have HIV.

[Guest Smudger]

I agree with Nick. All that is happening here is your ocd is trying to find reasons to make you fall under its influence again. You haven't got AIDS hannah, so carry on with your life without this worry.

[Guest jt88]

hi,

this may be a trigger --------

i have not been worrying about things as much at all, i have not been washing my hands much at all, sometimes as little as 5 times a day,

but, a few things have been bothing me....

today i had my first driving lesson, and i touches papers, ie my previsional lisance, that i concider to have hiv on it.

then after touching the papers i touched the break, strering wheel,etc.......

then i noticed that the instructer had a big cut on his hand, on the palm,it was not covered by a plaster etc. he would have touched the wheel,etc, striegght afterwards,

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the secand thing is, i went to the rubbish tip that has re-cycling ect,

i concidered to have hiv on my hands, not just from the tip other things too,

i had a spot on my nose, that had a scap on it, in the car on the way to shoping after going to the tip, i knocker the scap of on touched the open wound.

now im worryied.....

any help is much apreacated

[Guest ed-209]

I started to get anxious feelings about contracting diseases from my own blood in mid July, it didn't affect me that badly at first because i wouldn't touch certain DVD's which i thought i had 'infected'. I recognise that my thoughts and fears are irrational but sometimes i can't even believe myself that they are infact irrational and i start to feel that i have contaminated myself.

The thing that triggered me to get into this state originally was that i had a nosebleed and i didn't clean up properly after myself afterwards. I then 'infected' my DVD's and CD's and thus put them in a cupboard so i didn't have to see them. This helped for a short amount of time until i started to think i had 'infected' other things such as the television remote, and this very keyboard i'm typing on now, etc. Naturally my parent's were alarmed by my strange behaviour and my father tried to help me by making me confront my fears and persuaded me to touch all the things that i thought i had 'infected'. This actually made me feel better for a short amount of time...but then after that i felt a thousand times worse.

Because i was made to confront my fear i lost all of the control i had over my condition. I was taken to the Doctors and he said that it sounded like i had Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and referred me to the area which deals with that kind of stuff. But later on that week my condition worsened and i ended having to go to A & E twice, i spent time talking to the medical staff (not entirely sure whether they were Psychiatric Nurses or Psychologists) and they said it sounded like a 'classic textbook case' of OCD. He reccomended that i be put on a dose of Clamiprimane. I eventually got to go to the Mental Health team for an asessesment a couple of weeks later and discussed my problems with them. They reccomended that i be put on the waiting list for CBT and then to be put on the Clamiprimane in the mean time.

My main fear is that i'll contract the HIV virus, i constantly have to wash my hands, my clothes, i have to bath a lot, i can't touch certain things in the house (tv remote, dvd's etc). I'm worried that when i'm outside that i might get someones HIV blood on my shoes or clothes, infect myself and then spread it to other people. Some of the time i can recognise that my thoughts are irrational. Because i have never used needles to inject myself, i'm a virgin and i haven't had a blood transfusion, and to my knowledge i've never had any direct contact with someone who has HIV. I sometimes check the floor when i'm walking to see if there are needles that i could have possibly stepped on. I don't go to toilet very often and i'm not drinking and eating a lot. I'm really struggling to cope and it put's a great strain on my family and that makes me feel guilty

I find all the rituals i'm performing incredibly tiring and stressful. I used to get relief from going to school but i know longer get this and i know dread going to school incase one of my friends contaminates me and then i spread it around the school (i know it sounds crazy!)

I feel like i'm the only person out there that feels like this. I'm so glad that i've found a forum where i can talk about my problems.

Thanks

[Guest ScottOCDid]

Hi ed-209. Welcome to the forums .

I eventually got to go to the Mental Health team for an asessesment a couple of weeks later and discussed my problems with them. They reccomended that i be put on the waiting list for CBT and then to be put on the Clamiprimane in the mean time.

That's good at least that you're getting your situation addressed. I know you're not feeling great but you're taking the right steps towards getting better. Don't be afraid to discuss the performance of the meds you've been prescribed with your doc.

I don't go to toilet very often and i'm not drinking and eating a lot.

Definitely worth discussing this, too, if you haven't been able to so far.

I feel like i'm the only person out there that feels like this. I'm so glad that i've found a forum where i can talk about my problems.

Well, you're certainly not alone in having these worries. I hope that the boards offer you the support and encouragement to help you fight back against the OCD.

Good luck,

Scott

[Guest mynemesis]

You know, though, doesnt anyone get scared about how they would cope if they're fears came true, thats what I'm experiencing right now, Han x

Hannah

I get that all the time! My fear is cancer not HIV...but the OCD doesnt care! it makes it feel as though I was dying everytime.

I have had many a panic attack because of this....convincing myself im gonna get cancer.....and ruminating over what i would do/feel/etc if I did.

I feel your pain....damn this OCD!

Paula

[Guest rob]

yeah im allways wondering what im gonna do when the day of reckoning comes its like every time i shake hands ive caught aids hep c or any other killer virus out there

[Guest rob]

when does a small cut become safe?i work in the glass trade so i am always getting little cuts on my hands so until they are completely gone about aweek cannot shake hands with anyone if ido its afull on panic attack and severe depression for days thinking i may have caught aids or hep c i do always put a plaster on but when is it safe to take off ? can anyone help?

[Guest Smudger]

when does a small cut become safe?i work in the glass trade so i am always getting little cuts on my hands so until they are completely gone about aweek cannot shake hands with anyone if ido its afull on panic attack and severe depression for days thinking i may have caught aids or hep c i do always put a plaster on but when is it safe to take off ? can anyone help?

When the cut has stopped bleeding, and has started to scab over (basically, when the blood dries and forms a seal-or basically, if there's nothing coming out, then nothing's getting in!) it's safe. Even before then you'd have to immerse the cut in a significant amount of fluid containing the HIV virus to even be remotely at risk-so unless you make a habit of cutting yourself and then submerging the wound in buckets of other peoples blood, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

[Guest rob]

thanks smudger that has eased my fears a little but u know them little paper cuts or sort of slits u get on the palm of ur hand that dont bleed? is it they dont go deep enough?they look open for ages but dont bleed even when u sort of part it they can sting a bit too are they safe? id look a bit of a walley with plasters all over the palms of my hands and they dont stick too well there.

[Guest Smudger]

thanks smudger that has eased my fears a little but u know them little paper cuts or sort of slits u get on the palm of ur hand that dont bleed? is it they dont go deep enough?they look open for ages but dont bleed even when u sort of part it they can sting a bit too are they safe? id look a bit of a walley with plasters all over the palms of my hands and they dont stick too well there.

Rob, they are absolutely safe mate. Like I said, if it's not bleeding, it's not open, and it takes a hell of a lot for the virus to pass on anyway-what you're talking about is impossible, so please relax!

[Guest ed-209]

I'm really worried that i might be able to give myself HIV by masturbating, what if i had someones HIV blood on my hand or on my boxers and then it mixed? I'm really worried now

[Guest NickNickNick]

I'm really worried that i might be able to give myself HIV by masturbating, what if i had someones HIV blood on my hand or on my boxers and then it mixed? I'm really worried now

Can't get HIV that way...blood on your boxers, hands, or not. The fluid has to go inside.

[Guest hannahmaniac]

Hey everyone, I was wondering if anyone can help me. The other day in a drunken game, I kissed (I am embarrased of this game now btw) a gay guy. I feel terribly awful, I'm not saying anything against gay people, but this is important as a factor of my anxiety. Now I know you cant catch HIV from kissing, but he nibbled my lip and I am worried he might have cut it although there was no pain or bleeding. But either way am I right that any saliva getting into a wound wouldnt nessacarily mean you catch anything? I'm bit confused, is it only if both of you have sores/are bleeding? No I'm freaking out, what if he had a sore I didnt see? Can someone help me and calm me down? Thank you, Hannah x

[Guest ed-209]

I've never had sex, never gone further than kissing a girl. I've never used any drugs or needles on myself, i've never had a blood transfusion. Yet i still worry about catching HIV, i'm so worried that i might have got it and then if i get a girlfriend in the future then i won't be able to kiss her. I need some help and reassurance. Do i have anything to worry about?

Thanks in advance

[Tez]

Hi there Hannah.

I empathise with how you low you must be feeling. When you have a 'burst' of OCD anxiety like that it totally makes you feel like the bottom is falling out of your world, especially if you have had a relatively good period prior to that. In the long run it would be counter-productive for you to seek reassurance on an OCD issue, so I shall try to stick to the facts that you requested. Let us assume that your friend is HIV positive. Of course, as you rightly acknowledge, this is an unreasonable extrapolation based on his sexuality. Whilst the majority of British-born persons living with HIV in the UK are gay and bisexual men in major cities, it is not true that the majority of urban gay guys are people living with HIV. The overwhelming majority of gay men do not and never will have HIV and the major health issues that affect them will be exactly the same as the issues that affect you and I (including OCD!).

I do some voluntary work with people affected by HIV, and in all the literature and scientific studies, there are no documented cases (so far as I am aware) of people seroconverting to HIV positive status from a kiss. HIV is a nasty illness, but in reality a very vulernable virus that cannot live outside the human body for any length of time, and it is present in saliva only in extremely small and often unmeasurable quantities. The human mouth is water-tight and impenetrable exactly to minimise picking up viruses. Cold sores, mouth ulcers and bleeding gums (from, for example, gingivitis) can provide a theoretical vector for transmission of HIV, but for example, in all the millions of cases of oral sex that take place every year, only a handful in the whole wide world over the past 25 years have ever resulted in HIV transmission, and we're dealing there with the exchange of reproductive fluids that contain HIV in thousands of times greater quantities than in mouth saliva.

In short, the odds are billions upon billions to one against you ever even coming against the virus. And then there's several million to one further odds against transmission taking place due to the unviable nature of most HIV in saliva. And even then, the nature of HIV medications in this day in age mean that HIV is an unpleasant, but manageable condition and most HIV service providers anticipate people becoming infected now will be able to live a 'normal' life span comparable to HIV negative people. Seriously, I think it far more likely that Aliens will invade tonight than you becoming positive. (And don't laugh, because at times during my struggles with OCD I have had terrible intrusive bouts with fears surrounding ghosts, aliens and other such phenomena! Proof that our obsessions will attach themselves to any vulernable part of our minds).

I really hope that this has helped in some small way. I am really sorry if it has come across as a bit clinical, but I wouldn't want to undo all the good advice of OCD-UK by inadvertently feeding the OCD any 'reassurance' that it craves. If you are in CBT it might be worth looking to push yourself to confront the OCD by kissing your friend again (so long as he doesn't mind of course!) and showing your illness that you won't get anything other than a cold from a simple kiss. Please keep posting and keep us informed how you are doing.

Lots of kind wishes for a peaceful day.

Tez

[Guest Worriedwell]

Hi all,

Started CBT today and only done initial session of going through my issues.

Thought may have been improving slightly but gums have got worse and really scared that HIV will find way into my bloodstream through my receeding gums.

Think this may well be my bodies way of coping with my trying to destroy OCD through CBT but it's making

me worse than ever, please help me!!!!

[Guest Soldiering on]

There's worse things in the world than getting HIV....

And far easier things to happen.

You might get struck by lightning... it's far more likely.

So why don't you tell the malfunctioning little chaotic thoughts what I think of them!!!

Your mind will win out, it controls that faulty part, it's just that you have to remind it how. I'm having a blinder against OCD at the moment, mainly because I've struggled so much that I've finally found that part of my mind that knows it's not worth the time of day!!! You can too..

Just know that you're one of thousands who obsess over HIV, thousands who are unlucky enough for their OCD to have latched onto it.

But it's not that big a deal and if you can beat this irrational fear, then you can beat anyhting....

j

[Guest emmalou]

i sometimes think we have to get worse before we get better and if you are having tratment for your ocd ocd wont like it so it will try its hardest to fight you but remember your in control and the fact your getting help proves it good luck

[Guest Worriedwell]

Thanks guys.

I know you are right and I even know that you can live near enough normal lifespan with HIV meds nowadays. Just can't shake the little blighter. It's so distressing being anxious all the time and such hard work.

Can't complain cos at least on CBT route and although it has taken time I know some are still waiting.

All the best to all.

[Guest jt88]

HI,

Before you read this, if you have the fear of HIV you might not want to read this.

when i was walking across the road today, when i got across to the other side my friend said to me " you just stepped on a condom"

IT was used.

Also, i was wearing baggy jeans that probabily would of touched it,

when i got home i didnt get time to wash my hands, and touched the rim of the tolet seat before washing my hands, also i managed to touch things in the kitchen, food, cutlery, etc.

i got changed, but then a member of my family had to wash my cloths, and picked up these jeans and touched the shoes, my jeans also touched their clothing too, so i worryied that it might of got on the their cloths as well. also they ate stright after handling my cloths, :help:

Thank you....

[Guest harmony]

Would like to share something I learn at work today, I work within the NHS and we have been warned about a HOAX E-MAIL!!!!! that’s doing the rounds regarding HIV infected sharps/ needles in public areas and people becoming infected. The main body of the e-mail remains the same internationally but the area is changed to fit accordingly with geography/ area.

If you receive an e-mail talking about HIV infected sharps/needles in public areas and people becoming infected THIS E-MAIL IS HOAX, FAKE AND MALICIOUS

I have avoid the content of the e-mail to avoid additional distress or triggers.

Should I post this in the general forum or the body of the e-mail?

Take care

Alan

[Tez]

Hi there Harmony. I work in the voluntary sector and we also received the fake e-mail that you mention. Apparently it is a classic urban myth and has even been reported in Fortean Times - the journal of strange phenomena. My local HIV charity tells me that such similar chain mails have been doing the rounds since the early days of the AIDS health crisis in the early 1980's. It is, as you say, purely malicious and clinically inaccurate, becuase HIV does not live outside the human body for any length of time. It dies very quickly. All the e-mail has done is to increase general anxiety and to increase stigma and discrimination against people living with HIV, which was probably the intention. If you receive it, delete and advise the sender that it is a cruel hoax.

Cheers

Tez

[Guest Worriedwell]

*******BEWARE BIG TRIGGER****** Don't read if HIV OCD Sufferer

Please give me advice. Fed up that can't speak to anyone. I know HIV is inactivated by saliva and peoples gums don't bleed for long but scared that people will spit blood into my mouth when they talk to me which will get into my blood stream and give me HIV. Scared as I know people rub gums into their mouths to get the drug into their blood stream quicker so surely must be possible. Going crazy over this, this is really stressing me out to the point where now want to be recluse, quit work and opt out of society. What kind of life can I have if can't ever speak to anyone? Also worried that if I do get it that way will give it to all the people I love and care about it. My gums are very receeded from smoking.