Can't stop Googling!

[Cub]

Hi everyone

I want to ask some advice on this one, as it's a toughie.

When I'm upset (which is often at the moment) I find myself googling what's on my mind and I'm trying to stop. I do it for a lot of stuff, as if to put my mind at rest and I don't know if it's a compulsion that's part of OCD or else more of a 'natural' compulsion. I really don't like doing it, I feel so guilty and I just want to trust my instincts.

Right now, I think my morals are on an all time overload because of my OCD. I'm trying to think of things that will make me happy but I fear being horrible, being close-minded, being a hypocrite in what I choose. It's been on my mind at work the last few days and I feel very stressed out and tense all the time. Nothing really helps; I sleep a lot, but I find myself feeling tired a lot and I can't stop thinking. I don't know if that's a sign that I need to change but the thinking just won't stop. Is that a sign I need to change in some ways?

I'd greatly appreciate some advice on this one as I feel very ashamed and very tired from the brain overload.

C x

[Guest Erik197834]

Googling is the thing that messed me up. So try to stop googling, or do it

as little as possible. I know it is like a addiction.

[Guest legend]

cant stop are 2 words that aren't true, you can

[Guest Em123]

Once youve stopped for a few times.. It gets easier.. So get through them few times first. Or when you feel the urge in your head go 'no' then go do something.. It may help to make you realise that you dont need to google

[SuperInfinity]

I would say googling is more addiction than OCD. It would only be OCD if... I don't know... for example if you HAD to check every result on the first page or something like that. There's no way that everything that people do a lot of when they know they shouldn't is OCD.

[Cub]

Some sound advice there; I think Googling is rather a waste of my time, so I'm going to try not to. Plus, it gets me upset afresh. I don't know if that's cowardly, but I'll try to stop.

And Super Infinity; I think that's actually a really good point. Perhaps it is an addiction. I will keep that in mind, so thanks for pointing that out.

C x

[mdlbrightchild]

Cub, i was told by my therapist that googling is most definitely a compulsion.

There is one way to know - do you do because you feel anxious and you think you will find something to make you feel better? Thats a compulsion. It doesnt matter what the fear is or how you google or anything, if you are doing it to ease your anxiety, its a compulsion. This is what bothers me about the understanding of OCD. People think your rituals have to look like classic OCD, when often, and especially with Pure O, they dont. There is no touching, counting, etc. At the end of the day though, its treated the same way.

Its only an addiction if you get pleasure out of it, which it doesnt sound like you do. People enjoy their habits if they are addicted, people with OCD are immensely bothered by their actions but do them in order to relieve anxiety.

Hope that helps.

[Cub]

Hi everyone

Wanted to thank you for your support over the last few days. Unfortunately last night was terrible; I couldn't stop crying and was on the verge of either emailing my vicar, texting my brother's girlfriend, or else thinking of calling Samaritans again.

I had a good night's sleep but spent today feeling a bit puffy. I still get suicidal thoughts even if it's something I would never do. I'm now trying to distract myself and try and go easier on myself - and try not to do a flaming compulsion. Online research is a difficult one for me because it brings up all these various viewpoints and I wonder if someone else is right and if I need to listen. I don't know that if I don't google, I'm burying my head in the sand; if I need to improve. I just don't know who to listen to.

I keep turning to my religion for reassurance; praying, 'letting go and letting God' and I realised how hard I was pushing myself and it was hurting myself. Not good at all. So, I did my best to try not to think too much today; I just can't shake off the fear that I'm going to hell and whenever someone mentions death, that's where my mind starts thinking, that when I die, I won't be forgiven.

C x

[Guest Erik197834]

Be Nice to yourself. You are a good person. X

[Cub]

Thankyou Erik, that's very sweet. :hug: Unfortunately my guilt is still lingering, but I'm trying to do things I like and that make me happy. I'm trying not to be too strict on myself because I know that will do more harm than good. Many thanks for your kind words.

C x

[Guest Erik197834]

I can make you happy

[Guest Lily_12]

One thing my therapist told me to do when I got stuck on checking (for example, my door when I was leaving) was to move out of the area as quickly as possible before I found myself caught in the cycle of repeating. Sometimes, I'd get around the corner and still want to go check again, but most of the time the urge to check had vanished before I got to the bus stop. Maybe you could put some physical space between you and your computer? Make it difficult for you to get to the computer somehow? Go outdoors and take a walk when you want to look something up?

[njb]

Hi All,

If I am honest I loath how I give in to the internet and it is compulsive reassurance seeking but I never ever ever come away feeling better. I am bound by it as I feel it is both exposure and taking action but it is not. You will only ever find your fear and never find the good even where it stares you in the face.

It is almost like we are searching for 100% proof of what we fear as even with as good as 100% proof we are not our worst fears we persist. I have OCD and Health Anxiety (if they differ), but I am certain my need to research is more like the latter. It is as if the HA fuels the OCD or vice versa or am I dealing with just one thing !

Cub - try try try not to google.

x

[taurean]

Hi everyone,

I think if we view the googling as a compulsive ritual, then what's the CBT, and The four Steps, approach to addressing compulsive rituals?, it' s exposure and response prevention.

With Jeffrey Schwarz in The four Steps - the full book, "Brainlock" his approach is more specifically geared to delay - keep delaying more and more the desire to apply your ritual, do that in a graded hierarchy.

I would think like Jeffrey, and as you withdraw from the googling you need to fill that void with happy fulfilling activities that get you your life back and help you challenge OCD

[Cub]

Thankyou everyone

I agree, Googling and online researching makes everything worse. There have been a lot of tears in the last few days and I've just not been kind to myself at all. I've been pretty lonely; too much time spent on the computer, I'm afraid. I wish I could open up to my parents more but they've had enough to worry about what with my Mum's cancer, so I'm keeping this to myself for now.

I will try and keep everything you've all said in mind; thankyou so much.

C x

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Cub

So sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I know stuff like this doesn't really help, but I'm going to say it anyway: every time you write on this forum you come across as such a lovely and kind person, you have no need to feel bad about yourself at all. I really hope you manage to find a way to find peace with yourself.

With regards to googling, I think like many things it can be a compulsion depending on why you're doing it. For example, I had (and still do to an extent) a massive fear about being arrested: I used to compulsively google things like crime stats, sentencing guidelines and stuff in an attempt to make myself feel better (i'm sure you can imagine how successful that was! ) In my opinion that was a compulsion. However, sometimes I go through periods of obsessively googling things just for fun, using facebook, and so on - this is more like an addiction. So I guess it depends on why you're doing it, the pattern, is it an attempt to reduce anxiety, and so on. I guess if it does seem like a compulsion you should try and do ERP and avoid googling (although easier said than done! )

GBG x

[taurean]

Hi gingerbreadbgirl.

you have summed up the position of many of us so eloquently, well done.

[gingerbreadgirl]

thank you! glad my ramblings made sense :-) x

[Cub]

Hi Gingerbread girl - like taurean said, you summed it up perfectly, thankyou.

Thankyou also, for saying such lovely things. I'd like to find peace with myself and I think I'm already trying; I'm really going to try not to google now. You're right in that I am seeking ways to reduce my anxiety, but this googling just doesn't do me any good. I just want to be the person that I want to be, you know? But every time I look up something I just come across all these religious viewpoints - as my OCD is religious based - and they just upset me terribly. Yes, I'm a Christian, but there's a lot of ultra-Conservative views out there and they are really not any good for me, because it's not a set of beliefs I follow for myself. Last night I wound up in tears and it took me ages to drift off.

The trouble is, it's a bit of a moral dilemma mixed up with OCD; it's old stuff, coming back to bite me, that I wasn't too sure about last time. My psychiatrist told me not to worry about it, but I can't help it. I'm trying not to be too rigid, but I don't know exactly what I should do and the OCD isn't helping. But the first thing is to stop the googling, because it's just proving upsetting.

C x