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Intrusive/obsessive thoughts have taken over my life


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Not entirely sure if this is OCD but this is my life right now...

I have very frequent thoughts relating to my girlfriends sexual history, I can't bare the fact that she has had a couple of one night stands and all day everyday negative thoughts and images are on my mind and I fear it will eventually break us up. As to why I have the thoughts, I've been told its because of my childhood traumas, my dad died when I was young, mother diagnosed with breast cancer when I was in my teens and given 6 months to live(nearly 6 years later she is still going strong). I feel that because of my lack of sexual partners(due to potential physical erectile problems that I have had) is also a contributing factor. I am currently having weekly EMDR sessions but haven't had any improvements as of yet. My therapist says I'm not a very straight forward case and believes I may have buried a lot of emotion relating to what happened to my parents. I was depressed/lonely before I met my girlfriend and she is all I ever wanted, I should be really happy right now, but I'm just not. This issue has really taken over my life and I'm just pretty much always in a bad mood and wanting to cry all the time. I'm 21 and we've been together just over 6 months, I have been having the thoughts for around 3-4 months. If anyone has been through anything like this before or if anyone can just offer some advice I would appreciate it greatly - Thankyou.

About the thoughts -

Really they are just about my girlfriend. They are bad and unwanted thoughts, generally just about how I wish I could change the number of people she had slept with before we met, they are obsessive and jealous and just make me feel awful throughout the day. I get images of previous partners of hers having sex with her, obsessively thinking over what may or may not have happened between them and breaks my heart to think about but they are so intrusive I can't get them out of my head from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep again.

They just make me think so much less of her but it shouldn't. We adore each other and aside from this we have an awesome relationship but this is coming between us, it almost feels like its stopped me loving her if that makes sense. I don't really agree with the concept of one night stands and to think of my girlfriend has had some really just breaks my heart. It just isn't her - That's what I find hardest to accept.

Has anyone had experience with EMDR?

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Has anyone had experience with EMDR?

It's not a recognised treatment for OCD, I think it's used more often for PTSD.

Could I just ask what sort of a therapist are you seeing, is it someone your GP has referred you to and have you had a formal diagnosis of OCD?

Caramoole :)

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It's not a recognised treatment for OCD, I think it's used more often for PTSD.

Could I just ask what sort of a therapist are you seeing, is it someone your GP has referred you to and have you had a formal diagnosis of OCD?

Caramoole :)

I have gone privately with treatment, and found a therapist online. He is an accredited cognitive behavioural therapist who has decided that EMDR would be the better path to choose then CBT.

Does my issue sound like OCD to you?

Edited by cantstopthinkin
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Does my issue sound like OCD to you?

Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to make that diagnosis.....but it certainly could be. It could also be that there are also other life issues that need looking at first, which is perhaps the angle that your therapist is looking at.

Sadly, just because someone is a private therapist or even accredited, doesn't always mean that they are specialist in the treatment of OCD and some still get it wrong.

There may be many things that need addressing, the things that have happened in your life have probably left you feeling anxious, out of control and very stressed which of course can tip anyone into an anxiety disorder, which OCD is. The general consensus is that the cause isn't important in the treatment of OCD. With OCD we deal cognitively and behaviourally with the thoughts.....however, it could be that your main problems stem from low self-esteem and generalised anxiety.

Looking at the latter part of your post, the bad and unwanted thoughts.....they do tend to fall into the OCD category. You mention bad and unwanted thoughts, obsessively thinking, so intrusive, can't get them out of your head.....this sounds like what we call Rumination. This is where a sufferer thinks all day about a particular thing, constantly engaging in internal dialogue, debating, trying to work things out, examining past events, past conversations etc and these are accompanied by excessive anxiety and a need to try and work them out.

You cannot change what has happened in your Girlfriends past, it just is. You say you adore her and have an awesome relationship and that sounds to me as though it's something you want to continue with.

If that's the case, you have to learn how to deal with the obsessive and intrusive thoughts. The first is to recognise them for what they are, obsessive, intrusive and unwanted thoughts. You have to label them as that and then resist the urge to engage in internal debate...know what they are and stop trying to work them out. You also have to resist the urge to question your Girlfriend about her past, about her ex's, about any details of that past. You have to resist seeking reassurance about you versus past partners and all those other type of doubts and fears.

You say that the thoughts started only about 3 or 4 months ago, does this coincide with the start of a steady relationship with her?

You need to do some soul searching and be honest with yourself.......are these thoughts excessive?

Caramoole :)

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Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to make that diagnosis.....but it certainly could be. It could also be that there are also other life issues that need looking at first, which is perhaps the angle that your therapist is looking at.

Sadly, just because someone is a private therapist or even accredited, doesn't always mean that they are specialist in the treatment of OCD and some still get it wrong.

There may be many things that need addressing, the things that have happened in your life have probably left you feeling anxious, out of control and very stressed which of course can tip anyone into an anxiety disorder, which OCD is. The general consensus is that the cause isn't important in the treatment of OCD. With OCD we deal cognitively and behaviourally with the thoughts.....however, it could be that your main problems stem from low self-esteem and generalised anxiety.

Looking at the latter part of your post, the bad and unwanted thoughts.....they do tend to fall into the OCD category. You mention bad and unwanted thoughts, obsessively thinking, so intrusive, can't get them out of your head.....this sounds like what we call Rumination. This is where a sufferer thinks all day about a particular thing, constantly engaging in internal dialogue, debating, trying to work things out, examining past events, past conversations etc and these are accompanied by excessive anxiety and a need to try and work them out.

You cannot change what has happened in your Girlfriends past, it just is. You say you adore her and have an awesome relationship and that sounds to me as though it's something you want to continue with.

If that's the case, you have to learn how to deal with the obsessive and intrusive thoughts. The first is to recognise them for what they are, obsessive, intrusive and unwanted thoughts. You have to label them as that and then resist the urge to engage in internal debate...know what they are and stop trying to work them out. You also have to resist the urge to question your Girlfriend about her past, about her ex's, about any details of that past. You have to resist seeking reassurance about you versus past partners and all those other type of doubts and fears.

You say that the thoughts started only about 3 or 4 months ago, does this coincide with the start of a steady relationship with her?

You need to do some soul searching and be honest with yourself.......are these thoughts excessive?

Caramoole :)

Rumination sounds exactly what I am going through right now. I try to stop myself doing it but find it almost impossible. Sometimes the thoughts are just bearable but a lot of the time all I want to do is cry because they are so exhausting.

The thoughts appeared to start when I went away to work abroad, being in a different country to her seemed to start things off and the thoughts just got excessive and out of control since then, getting worse and worse.

I purchased the book 'Breaking free from OCD' but not sure what I can do in the mean time to try and feel better.

:(

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Guest Gale1982

Dude, I've had the same thing with past girlfriends. Even more so with the ones I cared about most. Also, I've had girlfriends who've had the same thoughts about my past relationships. OCD or not, I think its quite a common thing in between two people, especially where insecurity might dwell. Again, like you, I've let these thoughts consume me to the point where I start to view my partner differently and I totally understand where you're coming from. I guess it's one of these abandonment issues, traumas in childhood relating to the sudden loss of family members or friends... but there's not really a whole lot you can do about that. There is, however, a whole lot you can do from this moment on.

However insecure you might feel and however these obsessive thoughts might plague you, remember this; you're the man she chooses to be with. You're the one who makes her happy and you're the one she loves. You cant change the past, remember that and take care of each other. Hope that helps.

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Dude, I've had the same thing with past girlfriends. Even more so with the ones I cared about most. Also, I've had girlfriends who've had the same thoughts about my past relationships. OCD or not, I think its quite a common thing in between two people, especially where insecurity might dwell. Again, like you, I've let these thoughts consume me to the point where I start to view my partner differently and I totally understand where you're coming from. I guess it's one of these abandonment issues, traumas in childhood relating to the sudden loss of family members or friends... but there's not really a whole lot you can do about that. There is, however, a whole lot you can do from this moment on.

However insecure you might feel and however these obsessive thoughts might plague you, remember this; you're the man she chooses to be with. You're the one who makes her happy and you're the one she loves. You cant change the past, remember that and take care of each other. Hope that helps.

Thanks for your post... How did you overcome the issues in the end? I think it's because I care about her so much as to why the thoughts are so frequent and intense.

I keep telling myself those things but unfortunately it doesn't stop the images of her having sex with other people and it doesn't stop me from thinking badly of her.

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Guest Gale1982

I never did overcome it, the relationships ended. But I wasn't aware I had OCD at the time. I guess if I'd known back then that it came from irrational brain spasms, I could have at least put it into perspective and tried to tackle it all more pro-actively. Have you spoken to her about this? I guess you probably haven't. I sure as **** never did. Maybe you've got a really close friend you can talk to about how you feel? Like I said, a lot of people have these feelings and thoughts {obviously not to the extent that someone with ocd might have}, but the point of discussing this with a mate over a pint might help to normalise what your thinking; at least ease the burden of this "terrible idea" that you're obviously beening eaten away at from the inside.

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Guest Gale1982

Lastly, OCD and things of that nature, are largely anxiety based conditions. Removing as much of it as you can really does, in my experience, go a long way in helping to reduce obsessive thinking. Take a look at your relationship and think of ways you could go about improving it. Not massive changes but little small things that can help bring you closer together. I think if you're lucky enough to be in a relationship then it really is worth going the extra mile from time to time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you haven't been doing that, I just thank that further strengthening of something that has a positive effect in your life can only be a good thing. Just relax, stay calm and try not to be so hard on yourselves.

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I never did overcome it, the relationships ended. But I wasn't aware I had OCD at the time. I guess if I'd known back then that it came from irrational brain spasms, I could have at least put it into perspective and tried to tackle it all more pro-actively. Have you spoken to her about this? I guess you probably haven't. I sure as **** never did. Maybe you've got a really close friend you can talk to about how you feel? Like I said, a lot of people have these feelings and thoughts {obviously not to the extent that someone with ocd might have}, but the point of discussing this with a mate over a pint might help to normalise what your thinking; at least ease the burden of this "terrible idea" that you're obviously beening eaten away at from the inside.

I had no choice but to speak to her about it because there is no way I can hide how crappy I feel all the time. I went to the doctors who said that a therapist can't change the way I think about things so it's up to me to get over it and move on. Not really sure how to feel about that. The last thing I want is to finish with her.

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Guest Gale1982

I guess the doctor's right. You have to ask your self whats more important. You can either live with the past or you cant. The fact that you've been to see a doctor and that your on here trying to find answers suggests that you're not ready to give up just yet. If you don't mind me asking, what did your girlfriend say when you spoke to her about it?

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I guess the doctor's right. You have to ask your self whats more important. You can either live with the past or you cant. The fact that you've been to see a doctor and that your on here trying to find answers suggests that you're not ready to give up just yet. If you don't mind me asking, what did your girlfriend say when you spoke to her about it?

I want to accept the past but my mind isn't letting me. I am seeing my therapist this evening and will talk things over with him. My girlfriend is very supportive and patient with me which is great, I'm constantly bringing it up and I really don't deserve her, she puts up with so much from me but still wants to be with me just as much as when we met. I want to accept her past but I can't when I have these thoughts and images all day everyday. This sucks :(

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Guest Gale1982

I know it does, dude. Sounds like you've got a very understand girlfriend and a lot of support around you. You're clearly doing everything you can to make positive changes. Your heart's in the right place, just got to get your head there too. I hope your session goes well tonight, everything will be ok.

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