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Does it upset you when people act suspicious of you?


Guest ADD

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I was shopping and browsing at a makeup store and looking for different makeup and testers etc. The sales ladies were helpful and friendly and asking me lots of questions about myself etc. Then I was trying to grab something out of the back of a stock which was difficult to reach and one comes up to me and asks if I'd like a hand and that the drawer pulls out. So she pulls it out and it's slightly unorganized and one of the boxes of a lip colour was open and empty sitting on top of others. So she immediately goes "I'm going to need to check your bags." I go, "That has nothing to do with me, but ok." So I go over and show her and take every little thing out of my bag which was a bit of mess with lots of stuff and my phone and computer and power cords. She could see it wasn't in there, not even any makeup in it. So she goes, "I'm going to have to ask you take your jacket off also and check the pockets." So I take it off and I empty all the pockets taking everything out and show her that there was only headphones and credit cards and cash in my pockets, putting them inside out. She still wasn't totally satisfied, so she said lay in on the table so I can pat down the pockets. So I did and they were flat, nothing in them. Then STILL not satisfied after seeing everything on me, she goes "If you want to just pop it back in the box, I promise I won't say anything." WHAT? I just showed her everything. I told her I showed you everything, you see everything I have, I didn't take anything, maybe it is over there and had fallen out of the box or something. So she goes "I had just checked over there and it isn't there, it is missing so you must have it." I said "let me see then". So I watch her walk back over and open the drawer again and it's sitting quit plainly on top of some other box and she picks it up and I ask "isn't that it?" She just goes "yeah" and then comes back over with it to the counter and some other one putting it back in it's box and doesn't even apologise or acknowledge that she was wrong. Then she goes "Do you want to buy either one of these today?" I said, no not anymore! What nerve, treating a customer like that and then when wrong not even apologise and expect them to still want to shop there. I left and still felt bad and violated. Even questioning that she still thought bad of me cause I didn't buy it. I wasn't even sure if I was going to in the first place, I never had a chance to even look at it before that happened! I'd never do anything like that! I'm not some teenager! I don't know, it was difficult to shake after I left, being treated like I'm bad and did something I wouldn't ever do and then not even apologised to.

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Thanks BlondeMermaid. I know I didn't do anything wrong and don't have doubts of that, though I guess it's just something that I am very sensitive about, being distrusted or blamed for things and care too much about what people think. So her going from treating me so nice and asking me about where I'm from and my job and so helpful to suddenly turning and treating me like I was evil and being so convinced that she was right about it continually doubting the evidence in front of her, that all really hurt my feelings and made me feel so offended. If she had at least apologized after and acknowledged that she was wrong it would of made me feel better though she didn't. I guess I also have this paranoia and fear of being distrusted or accused of things like that, which is why everytime I shop at the grocery store and go to the self checkout I always print the receipt even though I don't need it for myself. I'm just paranoid about not having proof of those things and if I have some food or things I bought in my bag and have to go back to get something else I fear if they were to ask to look in my bag and I didn't have the receipt for what I bought earlier what they might think. Even if they would say they believe me it'd still bother me cause I'd have doubt that they didn't believe me as they have no proof to believe me. So I always save and carry all these receipts in my bag for the things I keep in it just in case. I often feel paranoid like sales people are suspicious of me when they try to be helpful and attentive or when they look at me. It's not a major issue or anything, though cause of those fears it made it more traumatic. Still recovering.

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Hey ADD - i would feel violated too. What a horrible experience. And to not apologise - i think that's disgusting. I know they have their job to protect their stock but to deal with the public like that, and you hadn't even been guilty. I would have made a complaint about the way i had been treated, and if she had done it in front of other people in the shop, i would have pointed out her rude, second rate, inadequate techniques out loud right there to her/the manager right there in the shop. But then i am feeling very angry today. However, you dont go in a shop to be abused - you are a lovely individual who does not need to be treated like a thief just in case you might have been.

Just put it down to her general incompetancy and laugh to yourself. Merry Christmas to her too :xmas_rolleyes: Take care ADD you are a good 'un - BL

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Guest Shannon

Hope you are feeling o.k now, ADD. I know what you mean about feeling traumatised/sensitive about situations like this. Although ultimately I am quite a confident person, any confrontation or similar events to the one you experienced really upsets me. Most people would probably feel a bit upset but they move on quickly, however I tend to dwell on things and run them over and over in my mind. I also feel incredibly wounded if people are unkind or nasty and if it regards my family, it is much, much worse and really hurts. The same applies to news stories, I have so much empathy for the affected that I can't stop thinking about it and get really emotional x

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Thanks guys. I'm doing a lot better today, though yeh I'm sensitive like that to even the slightest dissaproval or even perceived dissaproval from people so it was difficult. I have social anxiety issues so I get hurt easily. Even though I feel pretty confident most of the time and feel fine being alone and am not even that self conscious, as soon as people stop being the usual friendly and approving and show any type of dissaproval or questioning of me I fall apart and lose all my confidence temporarily.

Even though a lot of things make me feel angry, I wasn't even angry during or afterwards, just sad and hurt. I know logically she was only trying to do her job and she jumped to the wrong assumption based on something she saw and she doesn't even know me, just a stranger so how would she know I'm not that type of person. Though she could had first taken a look in the drawer to see if it had fallen out of the box or maybe someone opened it to look at the color and didn't put it back, and she would had seen it right away. Instead of instantily jumping to the worst assumption based on what customer was closest to that drawer without even first seeing if there was another explanation. I didn't even really care when she asked to look in my bag cause I have nothing to hide and thought that cooperating and showing her I had nothing to hide would make her feel better. It was when it didn't and when she still accused me even after a full search that got to me, and then not apologizing as if even after finding the truth she still didn't believe me like a "ok maybe you didn't but I know you wanted to" type of attitude or something. I thought maybe she was just too embarrassed about being wrong to admit it after. Didn't make me feel better though. Logic doesn't change feelings a lot of the time.

Anyways, I'll get over it. It was only 1 person. Most people are very nice and friendly here. It was my first bad experience from someone since I've gotten here. Even the occasional encounters I've had with police here have been pleasant and non intimidating as they were all super friendly and nice unlike the ones back in America.

Thanks for the support guys! Means a lot. :-)

Edited by ADD
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