Medications

[bruces]

I think everybody would be better off without me I'm just a burden and I'm no use to anybody.

[Guest MrsF]

Afternoon Bruces, what are you going to do today to distract yourself? Your depression is talking again not you. You are not a burden you are depressed. Have you had your meds assessment through? Once your depression is under control CBT could really help with the checking but you need the depression sorting out first. Have you been working today?

[bruces]

I got a letter today saying I have an appointment on the 24th but it's only with 2 phsychiatric nurses so I doubt they can alter my meds

[bruces]

Yes he knows but I kind of force him to check and he gives in,I worry if I've tightened something or tightened it enough or too much there's just so many variables with it

[Guest MrsF]

I'm glad you have got your appt. Once the nurses know how you have been feeling if they can't help i'm sure they will be able to get you help quickly.

[bruces]

I don't know how they are going to be able to help me,can't see how I can change I don't think I have the willpower

[ACE]

bruces please try not to feel bad you have no willpower obviously right now because depression has clearly sucked and is sucking all your energy out.But when you get better that willpower will come in,right now you're understandably so low and feeling empty as hell but none is your fault ok.The big plus&positive is you have your appointment to see the psych nurses so you must tell them everything&no doubt they'll get you on to a specialist in no time.It seems clear you need a review of your meds&maybe well most likely a change the sooner the better then bang they can hopefully kick in for you in no time.

Hopefully you can get on to the right meds in no time I know the time for them to kick in well it can take a bit,but in no time as the days pass the doses can clearly be increased and you can see the changes also in a matter of time as well.You can clearly see right now due to your mind being so clouded by depression&OCD that it seems impossible to get better&change and that's so understandable of course I know that feeling.But you'll get there and when your depression improves then you'll be able to work on your OCD&CBT no doubt much better as right now it's no doubt so hard to do :original:.

[bruces]

I honestly don't see a way out of this I think this is who I am and be better off not being here

[bruces]

Does anybody ever get better from this?

[ACE]

No bruces it's not true you're better off being here trust me ok :original: .Yes indeed they do get better I can vouch for that not so long ago all I wanted to do also was disappear from this planet being in complete misery 24/7 and it was like that for years on end.Non stop crying,terrible OCD&BDD and of course anxiety.I was as close as ever to going that many times I don't know hang I didn't to be honest.It's still not easy but certainly no way as bad as it was for me.

What I want to do is share things here for you in the hope it may inspire you perhaps I know it's hard as hell my friend :original: .what was happening with me while I was at my worst was with the OCD i couldn't stop obsessively writing no matter what it was about I would write it you name it even the minor things I'd take out a paper from my wallet write the date&write exactly what I was thinking for e.g I'm at the bus stop&can see a very pretty girl lovely nose,then it could be a matter of minutes even seconds late&bang I'd write again even on my phone as a draft the same message.I'd be places and everyone seemed happy and I was so wrecked on the inside all I could feel was please take me away from this hell it never ever ended.

The constant overanalyzing,the counting,the ruminating,the checking you name it there was never any end in sight no matter what i tried to do.Even after so many years of endless treatment and virtually exhausting everything I got on to a combination of meds which I'm now on and it seemingly has helped so much.Like you even at my work it was misery no respite the terrible OCD constant writing,so bad looking in the mirror at work,seeing attractive people the rotten depression&anxiety no rest at all.I could recall for e.g havin g my Dr's appointment but I had to go to this coffee shop before my appointment and if I didn't I'd have terrible anxiety so many times I'd rush badly to go there&then bang go on to see my Dr you know how it is with OCD.

I can tell you so much more and how I've been able to improve with my life is you like? :original: .Bruces i want you to please hold on ok you'll have your appointment very soon and please tell them everything ok you must do that,if you want any help absolutely with anything I'll help you no matter what it is ok?Please just ask if I can help I'm more than happy to ok my friend :original: .

[bruces]

I can't wait till the referral and all I'm going to get is the usual tick box questions I don't think they can help me I'm doomed :(

[bruces]

God I wish my life would be just taken away I long not to be here anymore

[Guest MrsF]

bruces, you have got to keep plodding on until your appt. Never mind tick boxes talk to the nurses and tell them exactly how you are feeling and tell them you want help. They are being paid to help you. You are not doomed. People do get better from this and so can you. Once people have got better they leave the forums because they don't need the support. Like you I'd had OCD for over 20 years before I did my CBT and after CBT I did 7 years with my OCD under control. Trouble is life can throw you a few hard things to deal with and thats what caused my relapse but I'm digging deep and coming out the other end. You aren't seeing the positives that there are. If checking wasn't an issue you would enjoy your job. The fact that you have had CBT in the past and its helped you with contamination. Please try and be positive. Once your depression has been tackled everything will seem different. You could have CBT specifically for your checking. bruces there is always hope. x

[lovid]

Keep hanging on until the CBT starts Bruces.You need someone who will help you tackle this head on.They will start a hierarchy list to stop you from checking everything but just a little at a time .They will get you take what you will see as slight risks to reduce and eventually eliminate the checking.If the busses aren't safe to go us drivers won't drive them so don't worry about any of that.

[bruces]

Had such a bad day today the worst for a long time does this ever end?

[ACE]

Dear bruces I'm so sorry the way you're feeling I totally know where you're coming from.None of this is your fault ok It's hard to see things in any such optimism right now I know my friend.The referral isn't too far away but understanding how severely depressed you're can you please get to speak to the hospital right now if possible&tell them that you're in such a bad state my friend?.if you like I can help you with anything ok? I really want to help you get better I know&you will because not so long ago I was where you're right now ok :original: .

[Guest MrsF]

bruces, I hope you have a much better day today x

[bruces]

The last time I had meeting with the nurses they just just had a chat to me for 20 mins and that was it they didn't actually do anything she offered to come round my house once a week to see if I was looking after myself and that was all they could offer.

[lovid]

The treatment we can get varies enormously.You should be getting CBT to challenge yourself to take little risks everyday and to build on a hierarchy ladder.What has been the problem in particular today?

[ACE]

bruces as I'm sure as helpful as the nurses are&are trying to be you need to clearly see a specialist?psychiatrist asap that's it to have your meds reviewed.As lov said CBT is always helpful even if you can't understndably do it right now as I know when you're severely depressed CBT is pretty much impossible to follow but will get you in good stead when you're feeling better&you can use it all when you feel up to it.Can you speed up anyway at all possible to see the specialist as it's what you neede immediately? :original: .

[bruces]

I have the appointment with the nurses so I don't really know what else to do I think people have to go through them to get to a phsychiatrist that's maybe how the system works I don't know I did tell the gp I wanted to see a specialist not a nurse.

[bruces]

I really feel I'm doomed

[Guest MrsF]

Why are you feeling doomed?

[bruces]

Just the future my job etc because I have such low confidence I don't know what I'm going to do I'm useless and good for nothing,I wish something would just take me away

[Guest MrsF]

Bruces, you have to wait for your appt - not long now. Stop worrying about the future just throw yourself into getting your depression sorted. Once your depression is under control work and OCD can be tackled. You are not useless its your depression talking. I know what it involves doing your job somebody who was useless could never do it. Please be strong until your appt. Bruces do you have any hobbies or interests? Is there anything you could distract yourself with until yr appt?