Please can anyone help - I feel so bad :(

[Purplepiper7]

Thanks Roy, it's so kind of you to take time out of your night to help me. I'm sorry that you've been awakened, I hope you can get back to sleep soon. When I'm distracting myself and I can't forget about it for hours and hours until I give in and do rituals, is that because I'm still engaging with it? Like, I almost have to force myself to stop counting, but then I just think about it over and lover again and I can't stop.

[taurean]

Hello Purplepiper,

Its just a quirk of my sleeping habits that sometimes I sleep for say 3 hours, then wake up bright as a button!

It used to worry me, but now I attach no meaning to it - simply get up for a while - then when I go back to bed I fall asleep again. It doesn't bother my wife, she sleeps for Britain!!!

I think at the moment your need to give in eventually to the rituals as a comfort behaviour is understandable.

Since rituals can take up more and more time, and aren't otherwise beneficial, it is appropriate where you can to seek not to engage with them - but if at the moment, when you are struggling, you eventually feel the need to give in to those as a comfort, then i suggest you continue to seek to extend the time between the desire to use the ritual and the carrying out of it, because that will eventually wean you off them, but don't get upset if you do then carry out the ritual - as I say right now this seems understandable.

In my own experience it is sometimes best to fight hard (like to wean off the rituals) when we are actually feeling stronger.

This is an area that you can work on with your therapist when she comes on board. Remember, be completely open to her - she won't judge you - none of us are at fault for our OCD, or the particular type of it - but she should be able to pick up on what you have already learned already and provide more specific, local, help and support.

Have a lovely afternoon and evening

Roy

Edited March 23, 2014 by taurean

[lovid]

PP What Roy said is exactly right.Try to wean yourself off the rituals by extending the time between.

[Purplepiper7]

Thank you (). I've been trying to implement your advice, though I've done so with minimal success. That's what I'm doing (erm...trying to do) right now really, not that I'm doing very well as far as mental compulsions go. I was taking a test earlier, and I was so nervous that I thought myself out of the correct answer. I got an 83% on the test, and for some reason I just feel bad about it. Not in an, "I could've done better" sense, but in an, "I'm a bad person because of this" sense. I'm still not quite sure how I got from point A to point B, but the emotion is still the same (:dry:). Honestly, I anticipated feeling like this. It's the main reason that it was so difficult for me to cope with "regular" school. Schoolwork has been a huge trigger for me lately, hence why I've been avoiding going to school and homework (:blushing:). It's a shame because I really do love learning, but now everything associated with schoolwork is anxiety provoking. I'd be fine (I think) if there were no grades, because all of those numbers are objects of fear.

[lovid]

Are you managing to learn ok with the online course.It sounds like it with a score of 83%

[Purplepiper7]

Yeah I'm doing okay with it as far as learning goes I think, thanks. How are you today?

[lovid]

having a bad day today.It's at least something that you are learning while you fight this.At least all is not lost and you will get better eventually and need that education.Well done for trying so hard