Help with relationship based OCD?

[Guest phoenix]

Ok, this is a long story but please bear with me as I badly need help.

7 years ago i got into a relationship, i loved her dearly and was very happy, however one year later she cheated on me and left me, i was crushed.

7 months or so after that beak up i met my current partner, she is incredible, so supportive and understanding of my condition and we are happy together and have been together now for just over 6 years

about a year ago i reconnected with some old friends, one of whom is my ex. we have become best friends now and the small circle of friends we have are so tight.

however, now and again my feelings for my ex would flare up, she hasnt been with anyone at all in about 4 years, but any time i hear of her even being chatted up i get very anxious and pains in my chest. for the most part however we are able to be very close friends, my partner and her have become good friends and al is well it seems

recently however things have gotten out of control, i cannot stop thinking about her, we have had talks where she has been very patient and told me clearly yet not harshly that we would never be together again no matter wat the circumstances were. yet i still cannot seem to close the book fully. my partner knows about all this and is so supportive. i find my mind forcing intrusive thoughts on me, the ones that seem to hurt most are the idea of her with someone else, and memories of me and her of a sexual nature. i do not understand this, i have the most amazing supportive girl ever and yet i still feel this about an ex who cheated and left me so many years ago?? these thoughts and the nature of them have me hating myself, considering myself a freak and at times the sexual based obsessions make me really hate myself especiallyl. it has gotten to the point now where i am bein taken into a suicide crisis centre tomorrow.

i guess what im hoping to find here is some clarity, an explanation, support, advice, anything

[legalseagull]

Hi, I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I guess the simple explanation is that you have OCD. It's making you have the intrusive thoughts and then it's making you analyse and ruminate on them. Everyone has strange and inappropriate thoughts; whether they have OCD or not. You need to accept the thoughts as OCD. You don't need to do anything with the thoughts - don't explain them, don't analyse them, don't feel bad about them. I know that's easy to say but difficult to do. I really hope you can get the help you need at the crisis centre.