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Lemon

I really feel I cant cope anymore

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Feel I cant cope anymore, my husbands on steroids as part of his cancer treatment which makes him up and down, hyper one minute then low the other, I feel anxious around my son and my OCD, its not a very good mixture.

On the good side my husband has one more month of steroids then a tablet for life, hes in remission again but its non curable.

I keep thinking that someone is telling me to do bad things, when I get the thoughts like that, I then scare myself as I know its not right to think someone is telling you to do stuff and think I might have some other mental illness instead, I go though in my mind the scenario of telling my therapist my thought that someone is telling me something, my therapist would then say to me , 'well what do you think'? and then I say.' well Im not sure', then me answering him with 'not sure' is the wrong answer as I have to say,' no nobody is telling me something', don't want my therapist to think theres something more going on.

This is really driving me crazy and I cant seem to get a grip of it at all, I think Im really cracking up, my thoughts have never been like this before, they have always been a bit more straight forward like I might do something, but never someone is telling me to do something.

I hope this all makes sense, it gets very confusing, Im finding it really difficult to let go.

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Let's cut to the chase. Do you hear voices that tell you to do things and do you accept the voices as real? Try to be more honest than what you are with your therapist.

Edited by PolarBear

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No I don't hear voices, its just my thoughts..I haven't actually told my therapist, just keep going over and over with it in my mind, till its driving me crazy

I have had the fear of schizophrenia in the past

Edited by Lemon

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If you're not hearing voices then it's OCD playing ugly games

You need to work on eliminating compulsions, including not ruminating over whether you have another disorder or not. OCD is enough to have.

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**** what a load to deal with :-( I'm sorry you have so much on your plate , as if ocd if not enough on its own . Praying for some relief for you and your husband xhugsx

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Really sorry to hear this.

Been in a simalar situation. Also thought maybe I was schicsophrenic. Deep down you know you won't react to the thoughts, so it's OCD.

I opened up to my therapist, I was expecting to get sectioned (then I would of been really screwed), had even packed a bag in prep. It went really well and was confirmation it was OCD and he did not think I was in any way a threat. If your therapist is any good they will realise this, but i fully understand how worrying saying this out load is.

Take care

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Thank you everyone for your kind words.

I know deep down they are just my thoughts, but how cruel is this illness, its the cruellest thing Ive ever known, my husband even says its worse than his cancer.

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Hi Lemon,

This is a really cruel disease because it can make you feel things like They are real!

Sometimes is wished I had cancer Instead. I know this sounds so bad and I know cancer is An awful disease as Well.

But then "At least" you can think about other things, you want to enjoy life and you can do it without feeling guilty, in short: you are not a bad person, your are just someone who bad things have happened to...". That is how I want to feel, instead of feeling like I'm a bad person all the time.. Sick right ? :(

Nicki

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Hi lemon just to get it straight the thoughts, are they harm thoughts towards your son because mine is towards my youngest daughter xx

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Nicki my husband says hed rather have his cancer than my OCD, he says at least he can just go the hospital and take drugs to get better, don't get me wrong though hes been very very poorly and mentally drained by it all and very hard to cope with at times, hes had it for 7 years now, and been in and out of remission, I find it hard to cope with both, Im drained by both, but I cope with the cancer better than the OCD.

Yes fand4eva my thoughts have always been harm thoughts about my son, it always comes down to one thing always and that's my son, this time its gone in a roundabout way to get to the end thought, hes 14 now and I feel as if Im never going to be able to have a proper relationship with him because of my OCD getting in the way, funnily enough we do have a good relationship and I love him to death but I always feel OCD is in the way and the guilt I carry with me.

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Hi Lemon and fand4eva,

I am really sorry both of you have to feel like this,

I can imagine how hard this must be for you to be "scared"of your own child.

Dealing with those phedophile thoughts/Harm thoughts towards children is awful but I think it must be even worse when you actually have children yourself. Are you both taking mediciation? My doctor has told me iTS best to meet with a psychiatrist to get the real diagnosis and because there are good meds out there. But because there are so many people on this forum who are desperate, I wonder if these actually help?

How are you both dealing with this on a daily basis? Sometimes I think this is crazy and I have a good day but most of the times I feel guilty when not thinking about it: like how can you not think about this, you are disgusting , you can not have a good time...

Nicki

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I used to have peadahile thoughts but I dont anymore just the harm thoughts, but they come and go so I have a good relationship with my son but I feel the ocd gets in the way and things could be better and I hate feeling anxious towards him and wish I could be a normal mum without this.

I have tried many different antidepressant and have even tried antipychotics, but they just dont work for me, the best treatment for me has been cbt.

These thoughts are part of the illness and trying to pay them no attention is key, 15 years ago when I first had them I really couldnt cope at all, I suppose you learn to live with them to some degree, I still panic when I get a new way around thinking but I do have good days now, before it was just a constant thing.

take care

Edited by Lemon

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Hi nicki yes I've been on meds 11 years and was diagnosed with post natal depression after my second daughter, then had harm thoughts was diagnosed with ocd, the thoughts basically dissappeared up until April of this year and then they started again for no reason I'm getting cbt but it's early days, it's horrible having the thoughts feel so guilty and a bad person/mum xx

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