HOCD fears

[Mcajshaw]

Hi everyone

I don't tend to post on here much now as I was one of the lucky ones who received excellent CBT and help and for the most part overcome my Pure O OCD intrusive thoughts, though it does come back in times of stress for me. I take 20mg Fluoxetine twice a day to help me.

However at the moment I am as low as I have been ever with a problem that has been going on for many years now. I don't know if it is entirely OCD but it is certainly a large part of it I think. It is making me very depressed, costing me hours of my life thinking and ruminating and to my mind has no resolution in sight. It goes on and on and I thought it's time I ask for advice because it has been a very private problem that has stayed in my head in many years now.

I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 31 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore.

I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself.

I have read a bit about HOCD and much of it seems to ring true with the obsessing and anxiety I am experiencing around my personal life. I was just hoping by posting on here, someone might be able to give me some practical advice of how I can help myself and get to the bottom of this. I've some bad times with the OCD but I have never felt so low as I do with issue which gives me many dark thoughts and hours of ruminating and anxiety. Sorry for the long post, and perhaps somebody kind enough can offer some help going forward :-)

[PolarBear]

You could certainly be dealing with OCD. One of the tip offs is that you ruminate endlessly about your sexuality and check your reaction to pictures of men. Both of those are compulsive behaviors.

When you perform compulsions you give attention to obsessions. You inadvertently strengthen the obsessions, confirming that something is wrong and guaranteeing they will come back stronger in the future.

The path forward for you should be to identify the compulsions you carry out and resist them. Turn off the rumination in your head. You should have figured out by now that all that ruminating only keeps you right where you are. It does no good. Also stop looking at pictures of men with the intent of checking to see what your reaction is.

The best thing you can do is leave this all alone by avoiding compulsions.

[Guest Azamour]

Hi. I suffer similar to you. I have suffered from HOCD for many years now on and off. Like you it comes back at me at times of stress and has been quite active for the last year.

Lots of people suffer from this as it can be very hard to call. I have found lately that accepting the possibility that I might be has released a lot of the pressure. It is the build up of pressure and the obsessive thoughts that are the problem. I don't usually notice guys until I have bouts of OCD. For me removing the stigma in my mind about it means less pressure. If you have gay thoughts. It's not really a big deal. Let them sit. Don't fight them and move to think about something else. Just cause you have them doesn't mean you want to act on them and even if you do. That's fine too. It's the pressure created in your head that's the problem.

Not having successful relationships with girls doesn't mean anything. PeopLe jump to the homo conclusion these days cause it's like the Hollywood story or the easiest way that people can define something. Don't buy this ********!!! I suffered the exact same as you.

[Mcajshaw]

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful replies guys - appreciated :-D