Sexual Orientation OCD

[Mcajshaw]

Hi everyone

I don't tend to post on here much now as I was one of the lucky ones who received excellent CBT and help and for the most part overcome my Pure O OCD intrusive thoughts, though it does come back in times of stress for me. I take 20mg Fluoxetine twice a day to help me.

However at the moment I am as low as I have been ever with a problem that has been going on for many years now. I don't know if it is entirely OCD but it is certainly a large part of it I think. It is making me very depressed, costing me hours of my life thinking and ruminating and to my mind has no resolution in sight. It goes on and on and I thought it's time I ask for advice because it has been a very private problem that has stayed in my head in many years now.

I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 31 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore.

I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself.

I have read a bit about HOCD (excuse the acronym) and much of it seems to ring true with the obsessing and anxiety I am experiencing around my personal life. I was just hoping by posting on here, someone might be able to give me some practical advice of how I can help myself and get to the bottom of this. I've some bad times with the OCD but I have never felt so low as I do with issue which gives me many dark thoughts and hours of ruminating and anxiety.

I'd love to hear about some practical steps I can take to assist me going forward. Sorry for the long post and thanks again.

[PolarBear]

As crazy as it sounds, like harder you search for an answer to the question of your sexuality, the further from the answer you will be. You have all the hallmarks of having sexual orientation obsessions.

Ruminating for hours, checking pictures on the Internet, are both compulsions and need to stop. All you are doing by doing those things is reinforcing in your mind that something is wrong with your sexuality. It's like putting a giant spotlight on the issue and making it a much bigger issue that it needs to be.

You think you need to 'do' something to get an answer but the way to a better quality of life is to leave the whole matter alone. Refuse to get drawn into long debates in your head about whether you are gay or not. Refuse to look at pictures of men to check if you like them or not. Leave all that stuff behind. Continue on with your life and when you get those thoughts about your sexuality pop into your head, acknowledge that they are there and don't react to them. Keep on going.

[Guest Azamour]

Hi. I suffer the same as you. It is tough. The last year has been really tough for me and I am also triggered by stress. I am starting to overcome it though although it had been a slow process I can gradually feel my old self coming back.

Key things for me have been. Removing the fear from the thoughts. The more I fear being gay the more strength OCD has. If you look at it. Its not that bad. Probably won't have kids and live an alternative lifestyle but will still have friends partners job etc.. This was key. Not fighting the thoughts. Leaving them settle. Even encouraging them. I think you are a coward to fear these thoughts. I leave them be. If I want to act on them I will. I choose. You similarly choose.

I know it's easier said than done and it has taken me many months to reduce the fear and anxiety. For me it is related to general confidence aswell. The more of this that I have the easier it is to fight it Or accept it.

I use lots of the techniques in brain lock. Not engaging these thoughts is key. Mindfulness meditation is also good.