bruces Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Ok so have have many issues including ocd traits like the inability to tighten nuts and bolts and leave them alone and also obsessing about the past things I've done conversations I've had but there's other things,I left my last job to supposed run my dads business but that went wrong as I never showed any interest,one minute I hate the job next minute I think I should have given it my all,in the daytimes I feel like I'm going completely insane and I pray to die then in the evenings I chill out and think I could sort myself out then it's back to auicidal thoughts in the morning my emotions are so up and down all the time,half the time I don't know whats right and whats wrong I don't think I'm bipolar as I never feel happy it's always a low mood I just don't know what to do alls I know is I can't live my life like this Link to comment
bruces Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 I can't make decisions and when I do I regret the choice I've made,I don't know what sexuality I am,I don't know anything about myself I cannot live this life Link to comment
Guest nervous Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 (edited) Hi Bruce, I also have trouble with making decisions even over simple things like filling in a form with my name and address. I have been working on it by making small decisions and then just living with the consequences. One time I had to mail an important form recently and I was convinced that something I would do go wrong, I chose to mail it express because it was urgent. I managed to get the address correct but forgot to put the form in the envelope. it arrived at the location and they called to ask why I sent an empty envelope. So I had to mail another envelope, this time with the form and also pay for the express again because by now it was really late. I felt pretty upset at my mistake but just pushed forward and lived with my mistake. It is really hard to live with it and the thoughts that I might make a mistake attack me a lot lately, it is like as my contamination OCD gets better this gets worse. but I just keep going and try not to stop. sorry, that its not a better answer than that. Edited June 10, 2015 by nervous Link to comment
bruces Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 I can't live like this I have no life I get no peace unless I'm asleep I'm so desperately unhappy I know I'm losing my mind I can't bear the thinking Link to comment
PolarBear Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I guarantee if you keep on doing what you're doing you'll stay stuck where you are. Link to comment
bruces Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 I don't know my own mind I'm convinced I'm going insane there's no other explanation I don't know who I am Link to comment
PolarBear Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 bruces, you have been at this for years. You post and post and post and it's all about how miserable you are, how you can't cope, how your life is terrible. You are typically handed platitudes. There there, bruces, there there. You come back and post some more. It's not working for you. You keep doing the same thing, over and over again, and expect a different result. You're not going to get it. You are most likely (my opinion) deeply depressed and you're dealing with OCD. You need intensive help to get you on the road to recovery. You likely need a full meds review. And, above all else, you have to start making changes to what you are doing... because it ain't working for you. You have been given advice over time and I have yet to see you take it, make it a part of who you are and really try. I know it's hard to make a change but there isn't a darn thing anyone here can do for you if you're not willing to take the risk and try changing. Link to comment
ACE Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Bruces when someone is feeling the way you're it's natural to think what is wrong with me because you're very unwell& quite unstable,most what you've described appears Severe Major depression,OCD,Anxiety but I'm no expert of course & not diagnosing you of course.You really seriously need to urgent see your GP ort another GP & demand to see someone else you haven't seen before as a new specialist,seriously look into being admitted to hospital because this is so serious& urgent :original: . Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 My CPN has discharged me basically saying there is no more help available,he's saying I'm not depressed due to the fact I can function and go out and do other things and the fact the tablets don't work prove there is no chemical imbalance?!! Is that fact? Link to comment
Guest Tricia Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry to say this, but your CPN is not fit to be in the job. My mother was in a very deep depression for seven years and yet still looked after a family. Many people with depression 'function' but if they are overwhelmed with despair and hopelessness then of course they are depressed. The fact that medication has not alleviated your problems means nothing! It doesn't help everyone with OCD and it doesn't always help depression, either. But, Bruces, you know my view on what might, and that is a complete change of diet - and no alcohol. No guarantees, even then, but you stand more chance of the depression lifting if your body and mind have the right balance of nutrients. You also need to ask your GP for another referral. Your CPN has done nothing for you and you need specialist help. P.S. I know I am probably boring everyone over this, too, but how much sunlight do you get? A lack of vitamin D can cause depression as well as many other problems. It's my big failing and I am trying to rectify it. Edited June 11, 2015 by Tricia Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I know it's pointless me coming on here and moaning it does neither me or anybody else any good but I'm just so dissapointed in every aspect of my life I dislike where I live next door to my parents the houses need lots of work doing people say it's nice but I don't see it I just see the bits which are broken I don't really like my job it's boring and I have nothing much to do all our vehicles are clapped out and old I get so jealous of people I see in nice cars and houses which I'll never afford I hate the sight of myself with my psoriasis and excessive sweating my shirts are wet through all the time,I never used to be so shallow and I know that's what it is,it's a bad attitude to take I know and everybody tells me but I can't seem to help it regardless,I'll never afford the things I want or to look the way I want I'm just so terribly uninterested in everything Link to comment
Guest Tricia Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) Diet can help psoriasis (as can the sun). Sweating could also be down to your body being intolerant to something you eat (or drink!) or stress, of course. The thing is, as many of us have said, when you are as depressed as this, you can rarely see any glimmer of hope. It's why you need to push for a referral to someone else and don't take no for an answer. Again, this is a mammoth task when very depressed. I do realize that. P.S. I watched a repeated documentary, last night, where two twin doctors tried an experiment. One had 3 units a night of alcohol and the other binged 21 units once a week. They were assessed before and after. The twin who drank 3 units daily came off better, but surprisingly, after only a month, his liver was also suffering the effects. 3 units is very little. My husband has 4 a night... Edited June 11, 2015 by Tricia Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I've completely lost interst in everything,everuthing in life has just become a choir the tt races which are on at the moment used to excite me now I can't even be bothered to watch them Link to comment
Guest Tricia Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Because you are in a very deep depression, but with help it can lift... Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I was a lot better a few years ago in my previous job I had interest and got satisfaction from things now everything just feels so completely pointless Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I'd. Give anything to be back there Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 Another odd thing is I can no longer taste food I can feel the texture but no taste Link to comment
whitebeam Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry PB but I don't feel the early part comment is very helpful to bruces - he already feels bad enough - he is looking for help. I know you take a more strict line than most people and - it may be 'correct' in terms of OCD - ie reassurance doesn't help....but bruces is looking for help and support, not further criticism. I don't want you to feel offended - i know what and why you're taking your line and it is obviously best intentioned but - and this is only my opinion - it could be couched a little more gently. Edited June 11, 2015 by whitebeam Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I feel so inferior to other people in every aspect Link to comment
ACE Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 My CPN has discharged me basically saying there is no more help available,he's saying I'm not depressed due to the fact I can function and go out and do other things and the fact the tablets don't work prove there is no chemical imbalance?!! Is that fact? Bruces you're clearly depressed,affected majorly by debilitating depression,OCD&Anxiety it's all clear for all to see here & I'm sure none of us have met you in person.Just by what you tell us tells us everything, because you're trying to get out is good but that doesn't mean a person isn't depressed at all.By saying tablets don't work I don't think that can be said because you just haven't found the right medications for you even though you may've tried so many medications out there.Please don't feel bad about coming on here you shouldn't be,I know& understand how tough it is for you, I think you need tyo seriously see another specialist as mentioned& also see if you can get admitted to hospital & they'll see as clear as the light of day how you're feeling let it all out tell them everything, even you crying you have to do this no shame at all in doing this ok my friend? :original: . Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 In so tired of everything Link to comment
Guest nervous Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Bruce, I have to agree with the others you are clearly depressed as well as your ocd. The fact that you medication didn't help you is no sign of your condition, I went through many types before I finally found something that worked for me. OCD is hard enough to beat on its own but when combined with depression it makes the sufferer see no point in trying. Which is very difficult. People without depression will usually be resistant to therapy and even scared of it but people with depression will usually not even attempt what they need to do. I have been in a terrible place myself and I have come back from it, have faith in yourself. I know it's hard. Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 There's a million different thoughts going through my head I either want to be gone now or I want to start my life over again with no problems I don't feel I want anything inbetween my life has been robbed from me Link to comment
Caramoole Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Depression is clearly the major issue here, rather than OCD and I'm not happy that a CPN is qualified to make the sort of diagnosis/recommendations that she is doing. You need treating for the depression first and that means going back to your GP or Psychiatrist. It may also help to try one of the forums for depression, (I understand Hal checked some out for you) They may be able to help more on the depression side with some practical advice Link to comment
bruces Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I go on another site that is depression specific,my CPN does seem very clued up on the matter and when he comes I feel a little better for half an hour then it wears off,I've felt this way for approx 26 years it's robbed me of my identity,it's who I am,it defines me alls I think of is my depression ocd and skin problems,it's ingrained in me I know of nothing else now it's so sad Link to comment
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