VekiQantas Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) Hi all, as you already know I have huge fear to develop schiz and now it is 3 years. I have good days and bad days but I cant stop obsess with it. Such crazy thoughts pop on my mind and all are connected to paranoid type as one of the therapists told me that I can develop it at may age...I am 35 now and it started when I was 32.I visited 5 therapists in last 3 years and all said that there is no chance that I will develop it and that this us OCD I have a history of OCD : Harm, POCD, HIV, Cancer etc but this is strongest and I feel very bad Even I know that these thoughts are ******** they always come back and I am afraid that I will start to believe in them and always ask myself if you have these thoughts you are psychotic:( Majority of these thoughts started to pop on my mind after I read about schiz and its symptoms I have a son and he will have one year and after he was born thought poped on my mind....what if he is Demian.. I was so anxious after that and I said to myself yes this is it this is psychosis normal person cant have that thought.Now I cant get rid of this and I feel so bad that I want to cry as how could I think something like that about somebody that I love so much and why I cant enjoy in something so wonderful as he is:( Few days ago I got new obsession as my best friend is a Muslim and we made jokes with him ...what if he is working for Isil etc..after that I had a thought: what if it is true? what if he is working for them? I was so scared after that and I said to myself yes this is paranoia, this is paranoid thought, this is prodormal phase etc Am I going crazy?Is this prodormal phase? Edited July 27, 2015 by Ashley Please do not try and bypass swear filter. Thanks :) Link to comment
Markie1974 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I'm no expert, but, it's obvious you have OCD. Not psychosis, not schizophrenia. Plain old OCD. I have similar thoughts as you Veki. Your OCD is throwing thoughts at you , what if's. What if I'm schizo what if my son is Damien. The more that you engage and respond to these thoughts , the more real they will seem. Let the thoughts be there. Don't reason with it, don't question them , don't answer them , don't engage them, and don't try to figure them out (all of these are compulsions) The anxiety will subside , but only if you DO NOT perform mental compulsions. Link to comment
Guest Lyn77 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Yep I've had very similar. Got a thought what if I thought my daughter was the devil. I'm not even religious and don't believe in that kind of thing but I started to obsess thinking what if I have schizophrenia or psychosis. I was assessed and confirmed I had ocd on several occasions. It can seem so scary and so real. I now try to just be mindful of the thoughts and accept they are there and don't do anything in response to the intrusive thoughts. It's the rumination or trying to prove to yourself or know for certain that u don't have schizophrenia that is the problem. It would be best if you could just say OK whatever to the thought and yea who cares if I have it..do your worst. That attitude tends to stop ocd in its tracks as you loose the fear aspect. Link to comment
VekiQantas Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Hi Lyn/Markie, Thanks for the answers and support Main problem is as I start to requestion myself it seems so real after that I really think that I am going crazy Also as soon as I convince myself that it is OCD thought second one appears to prolong doubt My main concern and what prolongs my doubt is are these thoughts OCD or psychotic as all that I read about OCD is that intrusive thoughts have subject: I am pedo- what if I hurt a child, I am killer- what if I kill somebody etc and my are: what if my kid is Demian so it sounds like psychosis...ahhh I dont know what to do Link to comment
Markie1974 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 DO NOT do compulsions. That would include re question yourself , or convincing yourself it's OCD. Anything you do to try and figure out, say it can't be true , or relieve anxiety is a compulsion. It's being prolonged because you are responding to your thoughts. Link to comment
VekiQantas Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Thanks Markie...but how to stop compulsions...If I stop I think that I will start to believe in my thoughts Link to comment
Markie1974 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 The crazy feeling is the anxiety. You must sit with the anxiety and resist the compulsions. The anxiety will subside , but it will take time. Link to comment
Markie1974 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 That's OCD telling you that you may believe your thoughts. Ignore these thoughts. You can see that what you're doing is not helping. Resist the compulsions and re focus on something else. Link to comment
VekiQantas Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Thanks When I refocus I feel much better especially when I am on my job but when I am alone it is very hard to do so Link to comment
PolarBear Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 You have to trust that you are dealing with OCD and treat is as OCD. Every time you get a new, disturbing thought you need to remind yourself it's just an OCD intrusive thought and then you must try to ignore the thought to the best of your ability. You do not want to get into mind discussions with yourself about whether or not it is paranoia or schizophrenia. Just leave the thoughts alone, refocus your mind onto something else and let the thoughts go. It's not easy to do. It takes lots of practice, but it is the way forward for you. Link to comment
VekiQantas Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Hi Polar Bear, Thanks a lot for your comment I know that this is a way but it seems that it is hard for me to do it.I always repeat to myself this is OCD but at the end I catch myself like a fish...also like I said before when I manage to overpass one thought immediately second one comes to prolong doubt Link to comment
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