It doesn't feel like OCD

[Eric Dave]

I feel gay and not hocd. I am getting intense groinals every day which are unwanted but my groin is reacting sexually and I feel inteseity in my chest/stomach which I dunno is good or bad.

I had considered going to my GP and going to a ocd therapist but I feel like there is no point. I am ashamed and embarassed of the thoughts and dont want anyone to know even a doc or thereapist.

I feel like I would be wasting my time and money treating it as ocd. I didnt mind the skype therapy sessions with Dr Phillipson because nobdy there knew me and I knew it would be kept private.

Also I like having the slim possibility its actually hocd being kept open. I am scared that if I go to 'a real ocd specialist' I will be told I dont have ocd and I'm gay. Im scared of what I will discover about myself and finally having it 100% confirmed Im gay.

EVERY SINGLE DAY I GET REACTIONS TO MEN. TODAY I SAW A GUY AND INSTANTLY FELT ATTRACTED AND GOT A GROINAL. I have been thinking about it all day now and I'm down again.

I just dont see how its ocd.

[Caramoole]

I'm not sure what you feel is going to be added to another thread Eric and don't see the benefit of it starting again. It's detrimental.

You should get yourself to a GP and ask for a referral to an OCD Specialist. I don't know if you're in the UK or not, if you were perhaps PM Ashley and see what he can recommend. Then if you start some effective treatment the forum may be more useful in helping you move forward. From what I've seen you describe many times about your work with Philipson was that you simply took on exposures, it was incomplete.

I am ashamed and embarassed of the thoughts and dont want anyone to know even a doc or thereapist.

I can understand the embarrassment but you're no different than anyone else here and tbh the Therapist wouldn't give a toss. You are the one with the problem about being Gay, they don't. Besides which they're bound by confidentiality so in essence you're saying you'd rather live like this on a daily basis rather than feeling embarrassed in a therapy session.

Think about it Eric

[Caramoole]

I should just add......I am leaving this thread for the moment so that you can discuss the therapy aspect but if it simply reverts into you following the same line as before I will lock it again sadly.

[PolarBear]

I'm not sure what the point of another thread is. Sometimes Eric I think you come here trying to convince us you're gay. It's certainly not going to work in my case and I don't see any others buying into that concept either.

[Eric Dave]

If you experienced what I have/am you would come to the conclusion you were gay too.

[Caramoole]

If you look at the stats for the forum you will see that we have 7,353 Members and over half a million posts. Do you honestly think that you are the only one who suffers or suffers worse than others? Your problems, doubts and fears are not unique but most of those people (although struggling) are trying to do something about it. Until you do your suffering will continue.

Seek proper help and properly attempt self-help Eric

[Eric Dave]

The therapsit will see right through me. Im a faker. He'll tell me I'm gay.

I've seen people on forums with hocd and they recovered after a year or some months. I am either gay and unresponsive to treatment (i.e phillipson) or way worse than they are.

I dont see too many people questioning if they have ocd here.

I have another fear that those on here telling me its ocd do so because if I turn out to actually be gay then they too might turn out to be what they fear and so its in their interest to keep telling me its ocd.

I dont know what to believe

[Caramoole]

I've seen people on forums with hocd and they recovered after a year or some months. I am either gay and unresponsive to treatment (i.e phillipson) or way worse than they are.

There is a fourth option......and that is that they've done something about it. They've heeded the advice and slowly and steadily tried to implement it. As yet Eric, you haven't and sadly, that means you won't get any better for now. As I've said several times, even your therapy with Philipson wasn't carried out properly. Yes, you carried out exposures but thats all you really did, you exposed yourself and endured the agony for the course of the exercise.

You carry out compulsions all day, every day and sadly that ensures your agony. It's a no brainer Eric.

You sadden me greatly because I know how extremely distressing this is for you.....but we're at a bit of an impasse because only you can choose to take a different path and until such time, there's not much anyone can do to help

[PolarBear]

You are wrong. Many people on the forum have doubts they are dealing with OCD. I deal with them every day.

We are certainly at an impasse. We've been there for a long time. Eric, you do everything you can to convince yourself and us that you're gay. But it won't work because you're not. The inner turmoil you feel will not go away.

[Ashley]

The therapsit will see right through me. Im a faker. He'll tell me I'm gay.

I've seen people on forums with hocd and they recovered after a year or some months. I am either gay and unresponsive to treatment (i.e phillipson) or way worse than they are.

I dont see too many people questioning if they have ocd here.

I have another fear that those on here telling me its ocd do so because if I turn out to actually be gay then they too might turn out to be what they fear and so its in their interest to keep telling me its ocd.

I dont know what to believe

I have just seen this thread and I think we have reached the end of the road with our forum relationship Eric. Absolutely nothing is changed from your post today to last year, and the point of the forum is we help people move forward, but they have to help themselves first. All of these posts you have received, you are not listening. Their time is better spent helping other people perhaps. I don't believe our forum is for you until you can reach the point where you can say "I have OCD, I need help dealing with it.".

I will PM you with alternative support methods for the charity.

[Eric Dave]

thats great news. Ask reasonable questions and they are ignored, unanswered and told they are compulsions

[gingerbreadgirl]

Ask reasonable questions and they are ignored, unanswered and told they are compulsions

I think that's a bit unfair to all the people who have spent a great deal of time trying to help you, Eric.

Unfortunately we can only help with OCD, and you have told us countless times you are adamant it isn't OCD. So where do we go from here?

[PolarBear]

You are the one who has time and time again ignored us, Eric. You come to an OCD forum. We try to help you with your OCD but you ignore what you are told and just repeat what you've always said, that this is not OCD and that you're gay. We've given you real solutions to your problems but you refuse to listen.

We can't help you.

Edited September 22, 2015 by PolarBear

[Eric Dave]

Well I see teenagers who are obviously gay being told on forums that they have hocd. How am I supposed to take peoples word its ocd when there is people telling people who are distressed over discovering they are gay but hoping its ocd being told its ocd?

I read this:

"The first thing I will say is that by having OCD and having false fears of being gay does not mean you are not in fact gay. Cases have existed where the person in distress has suffered from genuine ocd about this fear to the point that it has prevented them from accepting their true orientation. Being treated for ocd will not guarantee you are not of homosexual orientation and the treatment for ocd (CBT with ERP) will, in the end, result in the acceptance of your homosexuality if you are in fact homosexual. Second of all, it is very unlikely for the OCD sufferer to experience arousal to homosexual stimulus and erotica. Typically, the OCD sufferer will be aroused by erotica of the orientation they identify with and not be aroused by erotica of the orientation they fear being but still remain uncertain of their orientation. This uncertainty can drive an ocd sufferer to the ends of their sanity to try and find an answer."

What are poeples thoughts on this?

If the thread gets deleted I suspect there is a cover up and that pocd and hocd people are telling each other its ocd when its not to reassure themselves. Saying asking is a compulsion is nonsense. People want to hide the truth.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Nobody on here can tell you whether you're gay or straight.

what we can help you to do is support you in recovering from OCD.

If you don't want that why are you on an OCD forum?

What are you hoping we will say?

I suspect there is a cover up

honestly, Eric, you seem to think everyone here full of malicious intent wanting to deceive you - really we all know you're gay but we want to pretend you're not to comfort ourselves.

Really??

[Ashley]

If the thread gets deleted I suspect there is a cover up and that pocd and hocd people are telling each other its ocd when its not to reassure themselves. Saying asking is a compulsion is nonsense. People want to hide the truth.

Eric, Eric, Eric.

I am sorry to do this, but I have tried to be patient, but I truly feel allowing this to continue is not helping you, it is hindering your progress, so if you are not prepared to take positive action to help yourself, I will, even if it is not popular.

Before I close the thread, to answer your last post.

One.. There is no such thing as HOCD, it's not a medical term, there is just OCD! The H part is not the problem, the OCD part is the problem. Your failure to grasp this is perhaps why you are still struggling.

Two.. You are again asking the same question you have asked time and time again. I hoped my words of last night might have encouraged you to review all your post topics to see where we are coming from.

Three.. If you don't see why asking the same question over and over again is a reassurance seeking compulsion then again it is proof that you don't understand how OCD works yet.

Four.. Cover up / hide the truth. This is clearly the wrong forum for you. You're posting the same question hundreds of times is not helping you, you are no more educated about OCD now than you were two years ago and that's maybe our fault for allowing you to keep posting the same question. I am locking this thread, I encourage you to go through all your previous threads (via this link) and focus on what the good people of this forum have said to you and the fact they have given you some amazing advice, you need to read it and learn from it before you can move on I feel.

Five.. The text you have quoted is not very well written, but it is proof that you are simply seeking evidence to disprove the OCD. Re most of your posts of the last year.

[Caramoole]

Five.. The text you have quoted is not very well written, but it is proof that you are simply seeking evidence to disprove the OCD. Re most of your posts of the last year.

It most certainly isn't!!

Probably because it's written by a Forum Member on Empty Closets, not an OCD specialist, or health professional or even OCD sufferer. Someone whose interest is in helping people come to terms with "Coming Out" not someone with an in-depth knowledge of OCD.

When you're ready to move forward Eric, we're here