kika22 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I don't know how to explain this but I'm just gonna jump right in anyway. Today I was with my dad when he had to stop at the gas station, while he's out there he sees someone he knows and starts talking to him. I get annoyed because I'm supposed to be somewhere. They finish talking and my dad walks back. I zone out for a minute. I look out the window and I can see him, it looked like he was bent down doing something. I hear a truck start to drive by and he's driving quite fast past us. As this happens, in my head, it's like I instantly remember I'm annoyed with my dad and then I think to myself that whether or not my dad is about to get hit by the truck, that I don't care, let it happen. Usually I can tell when thoughts like that are ocd cuz it feels like I'm zoned out or something, but this was my real thought. My dad was in no real danger, he wasn't in the way of the truck. But what if I didn't know that when I had the thought? The reason this scares me so much is because it was really me. I know in my heart I would never want any harm coming to my dad. I love him too much. I didn't think. So now I just feel sick.. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 It was an intrusive thought. Treat it as such. Watch your ruminating. Link to comment
kika22 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 I just can't seem to get passed this. Because it was really my thought and I really felt that way. I'm having a harder time than I usually do just scratching it off as ocd. Link to comment
Guest Charlotte Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Do you know who gets intrusive thoughts? Everyone. The problem is not the thoughts but our reaction to them. By thinking that having a thought makes us an evil person, we fall into the cycle of OCD fear. Remember this - if it feels like OCD, it probably is! You will never stop asking yourself what if unless you allow yourself to live with the doubt. Have you had any treatment? Lottie Link to comment
kika22 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 I have seen a therapist before. It helped but it cost me $20 a visit and I didn't have a job at the time and I was moving. I went in antidepressants earlier this year which was supposed to help anxiety and cod symptoms but I didn't really notice much difference. I don't know, I guess it's just been one of those rough weeks with me and ocd. Had another instance this morning, being in the car with my mom. I get anxious at intersections. I saw a car coming and our car was moving forward and during moments like these I get anxious. I feel like I have to say something or if not then we could get in an accident. Also during these moments my thoughts like to make me think of reasons why I'd want something bad to happen to whomever in in the car with. Then of conscious mind I decide not to say anything so that may happen. I just hate myself so much, why do I give in so much? And I'm of a conscious mind when it happens, it's truly me and I feel like a monster. Link to comment
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