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Guest Krysteena

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Guest Krysteena

i am new to this board and new to actually talking about ocd. i am a 21 year old college student. i have had religous obsessions since i was 11. i worried that my mother would get in a car accident if i didnt say enough prayers. also, after i saw the movie the exorcist when i was 13 i became petrified that the same thing was going to happen to me. i have never really gotten over that. i think that movie was extra scary to me because i was brought up catholic and the idea of the devil is real to me. then when i was 18 and away at college i went to church one night and the most horrible thing ever happened, i suddenly thought i was touching the guy next to me in such an innapropriate way. it was scary and disturbing. i didnt want that to happen. and after that i could not stop trying to figure out if i really did such a terrible thing or if it was just a thought that went through my head. after that those thoughts just kept happening over and over again and they were so horrible and i couldnt figure out if i was really doing these things or if it was just in my mind. i eventually dropped out of college and went in the hospital many times. now i finally am maybe getting slightly better, i am taking zoloft and going to college. the thoughts come and go, but they still terrify me. somtimes i worry that i dont have ocd and i am just a horrible person or maybe posessed or something terrible. does anyone else know about things like this?

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Hi Krysteena,

Sorry to hear you're going through such a bad time at the moment. I have contamination OCD so it's different from yours in a lot of ways, but the same in the awful anxiety and worry it provokes.

I know that several people on this board suffer from obsessive thoughts - perhaps similar to yours, so hopefully one of them may be able to identify further with you.

Meanwhile there are a couple of articles both by Fred Penzel, Ph.D. which may help:

"Let He Who Is Without Sin "- OCD and Religion

http://www.homestead.com/westsuffolkpsych/Sin.html

"Morbid Obsessions"

http://www.homestead.com/westsuffolkpsych/Morbid.html

Hope these may be of some help.

Take care

whitebeam

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Guest Gardener

Hi Krysteena,

I suffer from obsessive thoughts. I am a catholic and have similar worries. I find it very difficult to pray without thoughts and words coming into my mind. I would say it started about 1988 when I was saying the Rosary and I started to think terrible things about Our Lady. I even went with my parish priest to help in a soup kitchen and while we were in his car I was thinking terrible thoughts. I don't think that I can be that bad if I was trying to help others. It is just OCD trying to tell me the opposite. It worried me for a long time but now that I know about OCD I can understand that it is not me and I try to dismiss these thoughts. Don't worry you are not a bad person it is OCD. Being Catholic I can understand how you must be feeling but we need to remember that it is OCD and not us. Try not to worry too much, you sound like a caring person.

Take Care

Gardener

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Guest soodle

i have obsessional ocd too - i think its common to have horrible and grotesque sexual feelings; i have them and i always worry whether they are truthful desires, or whether they are OCD. obviously it has to be OCD - now i've heard so many other people talk about it, and so the same applies to you! its amazing how we share so many symtoms. I'm not religious, but i think the idea of being a terrible person, whether judged by god or not, is really hard and it's just something you have to ignore. I've been told OCD affects clever people so thats good! just concentrate on all the positive things goin on outside your head and it'll soon have an effect on what you're thinking!

i think its amazing that you help out voluntarily and that you're going back to college. non sufferers would have those things in their mind so try to mimick them!

i'm also young - only 18, so i can really understand what you're saying... i just think no matter how bad it is, i never let it affect my outward life and thats my saving grace!

good luck

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Guest patsy

Hi Krysteena,

First of all welcome to the board and let me send you a big hug as I know EXACTLY how you are feeling!

I am one of the people who Whitebeam is referring to. I suffer from mainly pure 'o' although I do also have other ocd symptoms. But by far the obsessive thoughts are the most debilitating. I just saw your post there as I am not able to get access to my computer as often as I would like at weekends as my son comes home from Uni and my computer is in his room. Since my son has gone to football with his dad I thought I'd take the chance to have a look on the forum. I am glad I did and that I saw your post because I was exactly like you when I saw that film only I saw it first time round. In my opinion it was a terrible film and it left me with horrendous obsessional thoughts, mainly like you that something like that could maybe happen to me.

I am also catholic and like you I think that made me feel even more upset about it. If it makes you feel any better, it is not only people with ocd who were tremendously scared by that film. My Priest at the time told me of how he had many people coming to the Church after the film as they were so terrified by it! I think that reaction was quite normal to such a horrible film but people like us with ocd can not shrug it off like other people can. I had a very good, friendly relationship with my Priest. I had to speak to him a lot to try and help me through how I was feeling about the film. It took me a while to get over it and I had several relapses but I did get over it and I have now been fine for a long time. I am sure you can get over it too. Afterall it is your ocd that is making you worry obsessively over it and making you anxious . It was only a film and if you really think about it something like that wouldn't happen to you. It is just that the thought is so scary but that's all it is, a thought!

If I can get over it Krysteena I'm sure you can as I can tell you I had an extremely bad reaction to it. Now that I can talk about it shows you that it can be ok if you just try and treat it as an ocd thought when the thought comes.

You are not a horrible person, you must be a sensitive person to be so worried about this. Horrible people don't tend to worry about things like that.

I was the same age as you when I saw the film the first time round and I have been fine for many years.

Hope you feel a wee bit better now that you know you are not the only one who felt like that. I had to reply to you to let you know that you are not alone and I know how bad the feeling is. It's great you have managed to get yourself back into college. Stick in there and don't let it get you down.

Loads of love

Patsy x

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Guest Krysteena

i just want to thank you all for your replies. wow, in this forum, i actually feel like having obsessional thoughts is "normal". i wish i had found this place years ago. its amazing how you think the things in your head are so foreign and bizarre and youre the only one and then you come to a board like this and realize there are so many others out there with practically the exact same thing. it seems so scientific or something. anyhow, im about to go to sleep, and i have a feeling i will sleep well, all youre comments have given me some much needed peace of mind. this is the most helpful site have come across yet. thanks again. :blushing:

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Guest Toffee

Hi Krysteena,

I think my OCD may have started when I was 7 or 8. When I was at church and had to pray to forgive my sins the word sex was in my head annoying me. Krysteena your not alone. Their are millions of people in the world just like you. You sound like a sensitive and kind person who's suffering with OCD. It can and will get better.

Good luck,

Declan

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Guest Hypnosinc

I was interested by the fact that at least three writers referred to their Catholic upbringing. It may not appear terribly significant in the rest of UK, but obviously here in N. Ireland religion is a major issue. I have been struck by the numbers of Catholics here who are sufferers.

I have a couple of theories which I'd like to toss around, without raising any hackles I hope. Catholicism puts a greater emphasis on Guilt than most other religions, and as we know guilt plays a large part in obsessive ruminations. I wouldn't like anyone to think that I'm drawing any conclusions about the religion you were brought up in, as, let me stress, there is nothing to suggest that Catholics are more susceptible than other religions, or even non-believers. But that leads to my second point, - that I have found Catholics are more willing to enter into therapy. And I wonder if that is because of the nature of the confessional, which has many similarities with therapy. Now, perhaps it's because of that, that I notice the significance in the numbers of Catholics with OCD.

I'd be interested to hear other people's views, although perhaps this ought to be a separate thread. And let me repeat I am not raising a religious debate here, rather more concerning how our religious belief systems may contribute towards certain symptoms.

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Guest vicki

Hello,

I was brought up as catholic, although not especially strictly. I don't go to church anymore, but my OCD (although minor compared to other people who have posted on here), revolves around praying and guilt.

I used to have to say a prayer over and over in my head until it sounded 'right', and if I didn't then something awful would happen to one of my family or friends (an accident or illness).

Thankfully, I don't do this as much now, but at the moment I seem to live ina constant state of guilt. Guilt if I don't see certain friends enough, guilt if I go out with my friends and leave my boyfriend in on his own, guilt that I'm not being a 'good' enough person. I seem to be constantly giving myself a hard time!!

Anway, I know this isn't exactly what you were talking about but I thought it was relevant to Sinclairs comments.

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Guest patsy

Hi Sinclair,

I do agree with what you have said as I feel it has been the case with me. For example, I think I put a lot more importance on that film. Possibly had I not been Catholic it may not have affected me so badly but even more so, possibly had I not been a Catholic with ocd, perhaps I would not have been so badly affected. Although, looking back I had ocd symptoms from a very early age, it never really quite manifested itself in me until I watched the film. Even then I didn't really know what was wrong with me.

I do think as a Catholic I had a stricter upbringing in the sense of what was right and what was wrong. I daren't miss mass because that was something I had been brought up that I had to do. If I did miss it then I felt extremely guilty!

I can't really comment though on the confessional side of things as I do not suffer ocd where I feel I have to confess. I suffer mainly from pure 'o' but I do have some checking and contamination issues as well. I can say that I never put too much imoportance on confession anyway as I felt if I hadn't done anything really bad then I didnt't feel the need to confess. However at that time I hadn't so many obsessional thoughts, they were still to come! Had it been now then I might feel I had to confess the thoughts in the confessional box but my religion has lapsed somewhat recently over the years so I wouldn't think about going to confession now anyway.

I have over the years thought that my religion could have contributed to the way I feel and sometimes when I have thought about going back, I change my mind just in case it makes me worse. Now I only go to mass if there is something special going on for my family and i kind of have to go.

I hope you can make some sense of what I have said as it is quite hard to explain how I feel about it all.

Patsy x

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Guest patsy

Thanks Whitebeam, I had a quick look at that link as I am just going out. It looks interesting and I've saved it to have a better look after :thumbup: .

Patsy x

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I was interested by the fact that at least three writers referred to their Catholic upbringing. It may not appear terribly significant in the rest of UK, but obviously here in N. Ireland religion is a major issue.  I have been struck by the numbers of Catholics here who are sufferers.

I have a couple of theories which I'd like to toss around, without raising any hackles I hope.    Catholicism puts a greater emphasis on Guilt than most other religions, and as we know guilt plays a large part in obsessive ruminations. I wouldn't like anyone to think that  I'm drawing any conclusions about the religion you were brought up in, as, let me stress,  there is nothing to suggest that Catholics are more susceptible than other religions, or even non-believers. But that leads to my second point,  - that I have found Catholics are more willing to enter into therapy.  And I wonder if that is because of the nature of the confessional, which has many similarities with therapy. Now, perhaps it's because of that, that I notice the significance in the numbers of Catholics with OCD.

I'd be interested to hear other people's views, although perhaps this ought to be a separate thread. And let me repeat I am not raising a religious debate here, rather more concerning how our religious belief systems may contribute towards certain symptoms.

Hi Sinclair,

You have hit on a subject that I want to do more research on, religion and OCD.

I have actually asked someone to start looking into this and with your permission I will ask them to contact yourself to discuss your theories.

Also, if anyone else would like to contribue to the article / research or help collate the information etc please get in touch.

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  • 9 months later...
Hi Krysteena,

I suffer from obsessive thoughts.  I am a catholic and have similar worries.  I find it very difficult to pray without thoughts and words coming into my mind.  I would say it started about 1988 when I was saying the Rosary and I started to think terrible things about Our Lady.  I even went with my parish priest to help in a soup kitchen and while we were in his car I was thinking terrible thoughts.  I don't think that I can be that bad if I was trying to help others.  It is just OCD trying to tell me the opposite.  It worried me for a long time but now that I know about OCD I can understand that it is not me and I try to dismiss these thoughts.  Don't worry you are not a bad person it is OCD.  Being Catholic I can understand how you must be feeling but we need to remember that it is OCD and not us.   Try not to worry too much,  you sound like a caring person.

Take Care

Gardener

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Dear Gardener,

I am working on a ch. 4 science documentary about ocd. We are running a 2 week residential treatment programme which will combine cognitive behavioural therapy and exposure therapy. It is being devised by Prof Paul Salkovskis who is generally regarded as one of the most successful therapists for treating OCD. We have had lots of positive responses so far but would really like to include a person who suffers from intrusive thoughts as it's generally the least known about form of OCD and possibly one of the more traumatic as (as I'm sure you know) there's no escape from your own head. I completly understand if you find it too hard to talk about your thoughts to me but I'd would be interested to get in touch with you, just via email if you like. I hope I haven't offended you by sending this message

Vicky

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Hello Krysteena,

My name is Saffa...my goodness..I had to reply to your thread because I could have written much of what you said. I am a muslim, from the Shia branch which I guess in soe ways has some similarities with Catholicism (please excuse my spelling). I have had many types of OCD, a few to do with my religion and religious practices, for example If i get a bad thought about someone I keep praying to God to protect them over and over and over!! My worst problem is sexual thoughts regarding my son and kids!! I too just go over things over and over again to see was it a thought or reality!! Like tonight I was in the super market, and I went in to an empty aisle to get some cream crakers and then I got really worried that I had done something wrong!! THE AISLE WAS EMPTY!!!

The worst thoughts revolve around my son...I keep wandering how is it that I am trying to be commited to my religion and the ideals it sets forth and that I may have done something bad to my boy!!...I too am concious of evil etc and the devil.

I feel like I have messed up and no amount of praying for forgivness will ever do...I know this is me and not what my relgion teaches however I feel like I have ruined everything.....like when you have a beautiful clean white sheet and get it stained!! I feel stained!! does this rambling make any sense what so ever?

I get worried just walking past my sons bedroom when he sleeos at night. When it is late at night I am torn between checking on him to make sure he is covered and warm and not going in because of the thoughts!! I normally go in but usually constantly mutter religous prayers the whole while and still feel anxious!!

Anyway Just to let you know that your are not alone!!!

Saffa

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Guest Brainstrain

Hi Sinclair

I have thought about this link before too. I wasn't baptised as a catholic but I did go to a catholic school right from primary through to sixth form and I do agree that this may have had some effect on me as there is a strong culture of guilt. I mean if you look at it, just the fact that Jesus supposedly died for us so that we could live and go to heaven is drummed into you all the time is enough to make you feel guilty just for your existence nevermind anything else that you might do !

I used to do the constant praying when I was little, I literally had to name everyone in my family and ask God to look after them and make sure they woke up in the morning, and then I used to have to go over it and make sure I hadn't left anyone out. Although it turned out that at two people who I did pray about who were suffering from cancer at the time both died so I think that's when my faith in the whole prayer thing stopped!

brainstrain :thumbup:

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