'Innocent people don't confess...'

[Saz]

It's ok stuck that's why I came back onto this thread yesterday as I said it wasn't fair on you x

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

Saz I more than anyone know what your going through. But are you any closer to knowing now?!

[PolarBear]

Saz I more than anyone know what your going through. But are you any closer to knowing now?!

You're still stuck on knowing. I've told you over and over you have to give up that need to know if you hope to move forward.

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

Polar I was just trying to make the point that saz is no closer to her answer than she was when this post started

[gingerbreadgirl]

Polar I was just trying to make the point that saz is no closer to her answer than she was when this post started

i get what you mean, Stuck - and you make a really good point x

[PolarBear]

Polar I was just trying to make the point that saz is no closer to her answer than she was when this post started

Oh I get it. Sorry. My mistake. I took your post the wrong way. Apologies.

[Franklin12]

Saz is there any way you could try to take some baby steps in this? Try to get the hang of not doing compulsions but for minor things - the things that help maintain bad mental habits but don't cause us the same intense misery as the big themes? So next time that you worry you have eg said something to someone that afterwards you think what if they were offended, practice thinking maybe they were offended and then refuse to ruminate any further. Get used to what it feels like to feel uncomfortable with that without trying to work out if it's likely to come true, or texting to check they're bit cross with you etc. Try to practice every time any incident like this happens. Get used to letting feelings of anxiety, doubt, guilt etc be there without doing anything about it. Maybe when you see that stopping compulsions works for the small things, you can work your way up to trying with your false memory.

It's a bit like you have a scab on your arm and you keep picking it so it won't heal. You really want it to heal but you keep getting a terribly strong urge to pick it that you can't resist. So you pick it and it keeps oozing. And then it scabs and you pick it again. But in your case you keep wondering why it won't stop oozing. What you need to focus on instead is how you can stop yourself from picking it.

[Saz]

I could try franklin, thank you.

I'm starting to feel quite anxious/sad/worried just now but it's because I'm going away for 3 nights to eastern Europe tomorrow. It's the first time me and my partner have been away on our own since we have been together (nearly 5 years) but I'm feeling really guilty on my kids My little boy doesn't want me to go and I feel absolutely terrible and sad about this because I think he's right and I shouldn't be leaving them. Not that I'm leaving them on their own as they are staying with my parents and my partners parents. Would this be a good time to practice what you have said or am I a really bad mum? Do I rise above the horrible anxiety and guilt feeling?

My partners dad booked it for his 30th you see and I do think we need a little break but I'm going to miss them so much. Am I over reacting? Plus don't forget my mum had a brain hemorrhage in November.

Sorry I've gone a bit off topic, believe me I'm still worrying about my false memory but now this too. X

[PolarBear]

Come on Saz. Parents are allowed to act like adults once in a while and get away. Kids adjust to new situations usually pretty quickly.

[Saz]

I know,I know!

I think it's because I'm not used to going away without them. My little boy said something odd yesterday about what if the plane crashes and we don't make it!!!! I'm not worried about that I'm worried about my little boy worrying and thinking that way! How guilty do I feel now. I wonder if some people are born worriers...him and his sister are pretty bright and (as I used to do when I was little) will pick up a newspaper and read what's going on so they have probably seen stuff about planes etc.

Just want to have a nice time x

[Saz]

Morning.

I've woke up early. I tried not to post but I caved in. I flet quite anxious yesterday and being on the plane made me think about the last time I was on a plane - which was when I flew back from Cyprus after that wedding. I tried to carry on as normal yesterday and I did have a nice evening once we landed but sadly I was plagued by thoughts surrounding this 'false memory'. I mainly kept thinking of when I was on that plane home, how anxious and very worried I was that I had done something terrible. I remember at the time I hadn't yet thought of what it exactly it was but I remember feeling so ill through worry that I couldn't eat or function properly. I really don't want this to go on any longer.

Edited February 19, 2016 by Saz

[Guest]

I remember at the time I hadn't yet thought of what it exactly it was but I remember feeling so ill through worry

This is total evidence that this is a false memory Sarah! It should have been fresh in your head had it just happened. Instead, your mind fabricated it over time due to the 'misinformation effect' - The inaccuracy of long-term memory is enhanced by the misinformation effect, which occurs when misleading information is incorporated into one's memory after an event. The things we learn after an event can interfere or alter our original memories of the event itself, which experts refer to as the misinformation effect

Personality traits

Introverts are more likely to have lower confidence in their memory and are more likely to accept misinformation.^[5][11] Individual personality characteristics, including empathy, absorption and self-monitoring, have also been linked to greater susceptibility.^{[8] <------- This is definitely you!!!}

You really need to refocus away from this issue and ride out the anxiety, that's what gets you every time and then you do a compulsion xx

[Saz]

Thank you orwell.

I don't want you to get into trouble for 'reassuring' me. Even though I didn't think it straight away I did think it pretty soon afterwards and because I had been drinking, I'm worried it was just a delayed memory. I also done something very silly and took myself to a clinic because I was worried if something terrible had happened I might have passed something on/got something etc (NOT THAT I HAVE EVER HAD ANYTHING). So in that respect I probably made the situation a whole lot worse for myself and much more real like (if it was only a false memory). I actually can't believe the state I've got myself into - a complete tangled mess.

Hope everyone is doing ok. I've not asked for a while. Thinking of you all x

[Saz]

Does it sound much less like false memory now? x

[taurean]

Does your question constitute another compulsion, keeping you connected to the intrusion?

Saz leave the intrusions and connections be - refocus into the present moment.

To get better we must all stop compulsing and connecting.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Does it sound much less like false memory now? x

...Really, Saz?

[PolarBear]

Does it sound much less like false memory now? x

You say you're trying but this shows that you are still going over it in your head. You're still trying to figure things out. You're still looking at the thoughts from different angles, trying to figure out if they're memories or not. You're doing all the wrong things.

[Saz]

I was just replying to orwell and then I got a little worried as I thought what I wrote made it sound like it was real x

[gingerbreadgirl]

I got a little worried as I thought what I wrote made it sound like it was real x

Maybe it did. Maybe it is real. You have to understand this key point Saz: you have got to settle for uncertainty. You have got to settle for not knowing for sure, maybe not ever.

[Guest]

GBG is 100% right. You are in much too deep to ever get certainty. The probability is low, negligible that it happened but this knowledge will never help you. You really need to embrace uncertainty because it is the only positive option left to you. you can't push it away or analyse your way out of it. You need to get used to feeling uncertain and not let the feeling frighten you any more. It won't frighten you if you relabel it as a symptom and allow it to be there Saz X

[Saz]

At the risk of getting the thread closed I just don't understand how I'm supposed to carry on happy as Larry. No need to tell me what the alternative is, I know already.

[taurean]

I was just replying to orwell and then I got a little worried as I thought what I wrote made it sound like it was real x

And when you get such an intrrusion, what must you do?

[gingerbreadgirl]

I just don't understand how I'm supposed to carry on happy as Larry.

You won't be happy as larry, of course you won't - it will be painful, terrifying even. No one is denying that - we all understand your pain, as unfair as it is. But it will be a hell of a lot better than this endless limbo. And eventually, you'll wake up one day and realise you're not bothered by it anymore.

[taurean]

You won't be happy as larry, of course you won't - it will be painful, terrifying even. No one is denying that - we all understand your pain, as unfair as it is. But it will be a hell of a lot better than this endless limbo. And eventually, you'll wake up one day and realise you're not bothered by it anymore.

We all have to face off the intrusions, in whatever way they manifest themselves.

[Caramoole]

At the risk of getting the thread closed I just don't understand how I'm supposed to carry on happy as Larry. No need to tell me what the alternative is, I know already.

Firstly Saz, we rarely, rarely close a thread and if we do, it's not done for the fun of it or to be awkward, it's for a reason!

But back to your statement, given everything that's been written, that's been suggested... what are you wanting from the thread, what are you hoping people will say?