'Innocent people don't confess...'

[gingerbreadgirl]

hang in there Saz, ride it out, use it as an opportunity to do some exposure x

[Saz]

Yes I will gbg..well I will try ?x

[gingerbreadgirl]

you can do this. Be strong x

[gingerbreadgirl]

Have you done any exposure today Saz? x

[Saz]

Hiya

I done a little last night when I forced myself to continue reading an article about something specific to my 'false memory'. I didn't know it was going to trigger me at first but as I read on it was clear it was going to and quite badly but I got through it with minimal reaction to it (apart from initially).

I have done some today in work. We were chatting about a certain subject and even though I felt a little like a fraud I joined in the convo and soildered on. I'm sure there was something else too because I remember thinking I can report that exposure exercise back to you guys here...but it's slipped my mind. If I remember I will tell you.

How are you? X

[gingerbreadgirl]

sounds like you're doing really well Saz - keep going x

[Saz]

Thanks you. x

[Guest]

Sounds like you have really taken the bull by the horns Saz well done you!!!!

[Saz]

Thanks orwell. Hope your ok too

One of the hardest exposures is when I get the thought about me being my 2 oldest children's only surviving parent (due to their dad passing away 2 and a half years ago) I absolutely come over with complete fear. I get the the thought that one day they will have to know the truth about how their dad took his own life and then I imagine my false memory is true and then they literally will have no parents. Exposure wise for this I feel like I'm just pushing the thought away and not 'dealing' with it as I should - probably because the thought is so unbearable to me. Should I be saying yes these thoughts are true and yes this could happen? I find it so difficult and don't want to lie to you that I'm doing better than I am...although I have been doing good with other thoughts and exposure exercise. This is a really tough one as I'm sure you understand x

[Guest]

Say to it, 'whatever'. 'meh' , 'it may happen', 'who knows', 'ocd, you can't fool me', 'so what, i'm going to do such and such now instead' - take the indifference option. It will have the same affect overall ie you're not giving into the compulsion. It's an easier route to take than ramping the anxiety up further. It will nag away at you and that is GOOD. Don't respond to it with analysis or any other compulsion. You may feel like you are pushing the thought away, but you aren't. Trust me on this

Also, the thought 'what if I'm pushing the thought away' - is another obsession ! So just go yeah whatever meh to that as well xxx

Edited April 14, 2016 by Orwell1984

[gingerbreadgirl]

Thanks orwell. Hope your ok too

One of the hardest exposures is when I get the thought about me being my 2 oldest children's only surviving parent (due to their dad passing away 2 and a half years ago) I absolutely come over with complete fear. I get the the thought that one day they will have to know the truth about how their dad took his own life and then I imagine my false memory is true and then they literally will have no parents. Exposure wise for this I feel like I'm just pushing the thought away and not 'dealing' with it as I should - probably because the thought is so unbearable to me. Should I be saying yes these thoughts are true and yes this could happen? I find it so difficult and don't want to lie to you that I'm doing better than I am...although I have been doing good with other thoughts and exposure exercise. This is a really tough one as I'm sure you understand x

It is so difficult and troubling and you have my every sympathy I think you are being really strong.

I think you should bring on the exposure with this. Make yourself deliberately uncomfortable and anxious. You WANT to make yourself anxious and uncomfortable. The more you deliberately bring on the anxiety, the more you are telling your brain that it doesn't need to respond, it's a false alarm.

You can do this x

[Guest]

Both methods work so don't worry about 'which is the right choice'. Either way or a mixture of both and you're winning

[gingerbreadgirl]

Both methods work so don't worry about 'which is the right choice'. Either way or a mixture of both and you're winning

yes definitely

[Saz]

Thank you x

[Saz]

I hope nobody mind me posting something positive here as its not ocd related but I bet your sick of me moaning on all the while...I just completed a 5k parkrun with my 2 eldest and I done it without stopping once! I'm so chuffed! Add to that my little munchkins who are only 7 and 10 finished way ahead of me again! I actually got told off because my youngest came near the front and because I was a way behind him as he should have an adult with him lol!! I had to apologise lol so now u need to recruit someone I know who can keep up with him ? x

[Binxy]

Congrats Saz. Awesome job!

[Saz]

And here comes the anxiety now...I'm worried my little boy has damaged himself internally, like put pressure on his heart. How would I know? He seems fine but I feel like a bad parent now and can feel me worrying about this all day...any advice? Am I right to be worried? X

Thanks binxy x

Edited April 16, 2016 by Saz

[taurean]

So what do you already know about how to deal with this Saz?

[Saz]

Hi Roy I know what to do but it's that old chestnut of do I actually have genuine reason to be worried. Just stopped myself from googling 'should a 7 year old be running 5k?' Not that my little girl is that much older either. I guess I have to ride the anxiety out. x

P.s. They both wanted to do it, they asked me if they could do it when they heard about it and it's much better than being stuck on a games console. ..just feel it's a bit too much maybe...even though their is no age restriction - just under 11"s need an adult to run - which I did - they just ran ahead. Keep looking at him and asking if he's ok - I'll try stop that now x

Edited April 16, 2016 by Saz

[taurean]

Well done Saz.

[gingerbreadgirl]

good job Saz x

[Saz]

Always feel worse on the weekends. I stopped worrying about my little boy by the way but just feel a bit down again. It's all so draining.

Went for dinner today and I've given up meat for now, I'm not saying I'm a vegetarian or anything, I've just cut it out for the time being as I don't really eat too much of it. At dinner my partner and his dad I felt were mocking me a bit, nothing major but it was annoying and I felt like I showed that it annoyed me and now I feel like I ruined dinner or something. My partner told me I shouldn't of been offended but I was because they were going 'are there any vegan dishes for you' and just going on about it..I guess you had to be there. I feel though like am I too oversensitive? I never seem to know these days if I'm overeacting or if my feelings are justified. How do you know?

Also I just tried to do a mini exposure on something so sad that I seen but I've ended up crying and feeling terrible and heartbroken...This is rubbish!

Sorry guys..hope your all not too bad.x

[Saz]

I've just come to bed really upset now. That exposure didn't go well at all and I can't stop thinking about the people involved, I've really took on their feeling and emotions. Just wish I could switch off x

[taurean]

I think you are on an emotional "hair trigger" and the combination of that, plus giving meaning to the intrusions, causes all the distress.

There is a combination of emotional responses - no 1 looks very much like a cognitive thinking distortion. They were just being playful, but you've given a whole new - negative - meaning to that.

I know how you feel re number 2. I tried a major exposure in the week but it didn't go well and I ended up very upset. It was a distressing news item, and one right at the top of my severity of triggers.

But I have simply taken on board that I wasn't really feeling resilient enough to take that one on at the time - feeling too emotionally unstable - hence I didn't cope with it.

But it is certainly anyway normal to have to repeat the most distressing exposures for a few times, before their impact fades and anxiety reduces - so we should both adopt a philosophical attitude, and defer that exposure until we feel more ready to cope.

Edited April 17, 2016 by taurean

[Saz]

Thanks Roy, thanks for getting back. I'll take your advice on board. Feel guilty about the dinner situation

Hope your ok and had a nice weekend x