I seem to delusionally think I can change other peoples' minds.

[Guest RoSothian]

Whenever I give an idea, and other people disagree, I go ALL the way to try and change their mind. It has never worked and never will, yet I can't get this through my thick skull. I obsess over every disagreement, and spend hours on Reddit doing nothing but arguing and getting downvoted. Somebody will disagree with this topic, I just know it, and if they reply I'll spend the next 15 minutes making an argument for something I hardly care about.

I need Ollie Weeks from The Mist in my life. "Leave it alone, David. You can't convince some people there's a fire even when their hair is burning. Denial is a powerful thing."

[Symps07]

Why is it so important that you are right?

What is the reasoning behind your obsession to make your case?

Does it come from a need for people to see things you way? A fear of being wrong? or something else?

[Guest]

I understand this. It feels like you are being devalued as a person when somebody objects to an opinion that is quite close to your heart, thus close to your identity and character. It feels like a rejection of you and an attack on your self esteem and status. No wonder you want to fight back and go full on keyboard warrior. But at the end of the day, nobody is attacking your character or poking you with a stick for a reaction, the jarring emotions come from poor self esteem. I don't know how you can shake this off totally but observing your own anger in a spectator mode defuses the situation. Hope you make progress in this. It's difficult and energy draining!!

[Lacko'zeds]

I understand what you're saying, but I'm not a psychologist who can drum up appropriate answers, though I have been around longer than most, if not all, in these forums. I can tell you that whenever I make a statement, there will always be someone who disagrees with it. You and I differ in that, other than a momentary display of contempt for their stupidity, I will give them zero amount of discussion time. I really don't care what people think about my opinions, because their opinions, like mine, are nothing more than opinions. Who cares? Next week there will be something else! We could, of course, differ in another respect - depends on whether there's a possibility that your ideas could be wrong.

[snowbear]

''You can't convince some people there's a fire even when their hair is burning. Denial is a powerful thing."

Your choice of quote is interesting because it reveals something about your thought processes which you may not have considered.

The quote assumes that if a person can't be brought around to your way of thinking then it means they are in denial, because there's an absolute certainty you're assessment of the situation is correct and that no other possibility exists.

This kind of inflexible thinking is a learned thinking behaviour. You can overcome it by practising a more flexible thinking style.

Try this exercise:

How many alternative explanations can you think of why the person being told their hair is on fire might disagree with you and say that it isn't on fire?

Have a go, RoSothian.

Anyone else who wants to try it can post here too. Let's see how many alternatives we can find as individuals and as a group.

Inflexible thinking is known to be more common among people with OCD than in people without OCD.

I have a theory that those in recovery are likely to find this exercise easier than those who are in still in the grip of their OCD.

Any takers on the exercise? :original:

Edited April 8, 2016 by snowbear

[taurean]

My sister, a fellow OCD sufferer, can be pretty inflexible in her thinking and I think I now can see why thank you folks.

After knowing me for 67 years she STILL is in denial about certain things she wants me to do or believe, even though I have never, and am not going to, change my position.

I never really understood why she would take this irrational approach, until just now

[Guest]

How many alternative explanations can you think of why the person being told their hair is on fire might disagree with you and say that it isn't on fire?

They might not experience the pain and not smell the smoke (very disabled )

They might not trust people in general and suspect you are joking with them as this is what they're used to

Their hair might be long and the fire might not be on the top of their head, so they will be unaware of it being on fire

They might be preoccupied with something else and thus have an attention deficit when it comes to the idea of there being a fire

They might have obsessions about their hair being on fire and once it is actually on fire, they won't believe it because they believe it is just the obsession again

[taurean]

One of my first experiences of OCD was the powerful delusional thought, for a whole evening,that I had sprayed my hair with paint and not hairspray.

I KNEW the thought was wrong and irrational, but it just stayed and churned over and over in my mind.

I think in the snowy scenario, she might think you are winding her up!

Or, for those first few seconds until she smelled the burning or felt pain, she would think you irrationally deluded!

N.b.I truly believe I am in Costa Coffee posting this whilst drinking a nice decaf skinny latte :coffee: Now I am doubting that :original:

[Franklin12]

It may only appear to the observer that the person's hair is on fire. The flames may actually be from a BBQ behind the person's head. The person is aware of the BBQ flames, and has already been falsely told by another observer that their hair is on fire but after establishing the facts now knows that it really isn't.

[snowbear]

Excellent stuff peeps, keep 'em coming.

[Guest doris]

very interesting thread--neat insights.

I used to have to argue my point all the time--to the point of mental and physical exhaustion. But I noticed that the effects on me were detrimental. I know some people actually enjoy a good debate because it helps them sort out their own thoughts, but this was rarely the case with me.

now I try more and more to keep my mouth shut unless in a good engaging discussion that actually feels fruitful.it is hard at times and I'm not always successful.

and also I have come to appreciate that yes, maybe, just maybe, those who don't agree with me aren't delusional after all! :original:

It may only appear to the observer that the person's hair is on fire. The flames may actually be from a BBQ behind the person's head. The person is aware of the BBQ flames, and has already been falsely told by another observer that their hair is on fire but after establishing the facts now knows that it really isn't.

I like this one a lot.

another explanation is the person is actually a magician good at the illusion of making it look like their hair is on fire. they like to do the trick and get everyone all upset about their hair being on fire, meanwhile they are laughing very hard to themselves.

How many alternative explanations can you think of why the person being told their hair is on fire might disagree with you and say that it isn't on fire?

They might have obsessions about their hair being on fire and once it is actually on fire, they won't believe it because they believe it is just the obsession again

lol!

[Lynz]

Your choice of quote is interesting because it reveals something about your thought processes which you may not have considered.

The quote assumes that if a person can't be brought around to your way of thinking then it means they are in denial, because there's an absolute certainty you're assessment of the situation is correct and that no other possibility exists.

This kind of inflexible thinking is a learned thinking behaviour. You can overcome it by practising a more flexible thinking style.

Try this exercise:

How many alternative explanations can you think of why the person being told their hair is on fire might disagree with you and say that it isn't on fire?

Have a go, RoSothian.

Anyone else who wants to try it can post here too. Let's see how many alternatives we can find as individuals and as a group.

Inflexible thinking is known to be more common among people with OCD than in people without OCD.

I have a theory that those in recovery are likely to find this exercise easier than those who are in still in the grip of their OCD.

Any takers on the exercise? :original:

This is quite interesting...

Off the top of my head (no pun intended there), I can think of a few reasons why...

1) The fire could be one of those fake fires that they use in films where it produces no heat, and so the person won't realise their hair is on fire because they can't feel it.

2) Maybe they have a neurological condition where they have no sensation in the nerve endings on their scalp and so they can't feel it.

3) It's an optical illusion, like the fire could be behind them, making it look like their hair is on fire but it's not, and it's you who has got it wrong.

[taurean]

They are at a birthday party, and it just so happens from the position you are sitting, slightly raised up,it appears that the girl's hair is on fire,when in fact behind her from your field of view is the birthday cake with its lit candles.

So she feels no hurt and smells no burning hair, because it's all just an optical illusion :laugh:

Edited April 8, 2016 by taurean

[Guest]

Maybe the person is a flaming red head!!!

[taurean]

Maybe the person is a flaming red head!!!

Very droll - you must be "fired up"

:laugh:

[Guest]

Ha! Yes- I should be asleep!!!!