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A little mixed up


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Hi all

Wanted to check in and report.

I'm feeling a little uncertain about everything and feeling very tired all the time; things just seem a little up in the air.

As we know I tend to focus on my feelings a lot but right now I'm feeling a real sense of ennui about my life and a sense that something is missing. I had an odd day at work today after two days off; I tend to feel like I just can't relax properly anymore and it worries me because I can't stop worrying about worrying! I just can't switch off, even though I know it's OCD that's making me feel like this. I feel very lonely on the inside, I guess and am really struggling. I just feel like a failure who is going from one psychologist and counsellor to another; I can't quite reach the root of the problem because I can't stop feeling worried and sad all the time. I don't know how to be happy because I just feel very 'on alert' in myself. I can't find a lot of joy or escapism in my life and feel very isolated and alone in the world. I can't entertain myself properly. The antidepressants make me feel better, but also numb and uncreative. I know I need to do things that make me happy, but I'm used to worrying too much now. I don't know how to relax. 

Anyway, yes. That's where I'm at. 

C x

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Hi Cub,

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough patch at the moment. Being unable to relax is something I get with my OCD - it feels like I should always be worrying about something - my brain just doesn't want to take a break. OCD is a terribly isolating condition. I remember going to the OCD conference last year, and up on the screen was something like... 'OCD can be a lonely place. Say hello to the person next to you, as they're probably going through a similar experience'. That moved me so much, as I think it was the first time I really realised how isolated I felt with my OCD. I wonder if there are any OCD support groups near where you live? That could be something to look into?

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Thanks for the kind reply Torsa. Sadly, rough patches are my life right now and it's a bit upsetting. Like you, I feel I should be worrying about something and feel a bit deflated if I feel something's been solved, because worrying is my default mood. I've never been to an OCD conference, but I'd like to go to one; it might help.

I'm sorry that you've been feeling isolated; do you find being here helps a bit? I feel I'm going around in circles right now and it's difficult to keep going. I did consider an OCD support group but I was actually worried it would make my condition worse. I know. :S

Keep going and don't give up!

C x

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