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Will I ever get through this?

i don't know if it's because I'm pregnant again and hormones are all over the place but I'm still struggling with pocd.

 

its been really bad over the last few days, with pocd thoughts that I want my partner to harm my daughter is disgusting ways and it feels so real and then I'll have thoughts of both of us doing stuff to her and it's driving me nuts.

one particular thought which is bothering me the most is like, thoughts of saying or asking something and saying it out loud. This happened earlier and it was 'Let's r**e (daughters name)' and it freaked me out and it keeps coming into my head that I want to say that or ask stuff like that! 

 

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Finding, when are you going to take the bull by the horns and start doing something about your OCD instead of coming here sporadically to complain about your latest obsession? Aren't you tired of all this?

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Yes of course I am tired of this Polar! Do you really think I enjoy feel on edge nearly every day?

i come on here for support, not horrible comments. You make me feel worse than I already I am!

i just need advice and help, yes occasionally maybe I do look for reassurance but so what? If it helps who cares?

i feel as though I'm a terrible person and I feel as though I now can't have sex as when I orgasm the thought/image of my daughter comes into my head and it feels like I'm orgasming over her as my eyes roll back etc. Surely this is just the orgasming not the thoughts?

im so confused and hating life. If o wasn't pregnant I wouldn't be here.

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No I don't think you enjoy your situation. No one enjoys the onslaught of OCD. But I do think you need to get real with the disorder that is profoundly affecting your life. 

If you want this to end or at least get significantly better you must change what you are doing. You must change. 

Coming here to vent is fine but if all you do is vent and seek reassurance you are not helping yourself to beat the bully that is OCD. 

You have been given loads of advice over a long period of time. But it's up to you to put that advice into practice and actually do the work necessary. If you don't you'll just remain stuck, being pummeled by the disorder you have.

I want you to start recovering. I want your pain to end. But all the advice we give on the forum won't work if you don't take it on and really try to do the work.

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I do appreciate your advice and yes I've been on here for a long time now and we'll tbh, things must change. I can't keep living like this so I'm gonna try, I've said it before, it's helped I guess as it doesn't bother me much for long periods of time but then boom, out of no where it's back again

I didn't feel like this last week, I didn't struggle with intrusive thoughts during sex, it's the last few days but I will be strong again and beat it.

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That's what I like to see. You're tough. We all are. Only tough people can live lives with this horrendous disorder.

Now right off the bat you can start a subtle shift in your thinking. There's several things you can start telling yourself that are going to help you immensely on the road to recovery. You should say them to yourself often so they become part of your natural thinking.

1. I have OCD and all the bad thoughts I get are OCD.

2. Yes, OCD can make me feel like I want what the thoughts are about but it's a lie.

3. I am stronger than my OCD and I won't let it sneak up and bite me.

Try those three to start. Because they're all true and right.

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I've been trying to put your advice into action all day and it's helped a little but I'm still struggling. I know it's gonna take time just like Rome wasn't built in a day but the intrusive thoughts are swirling around in my mind and sometimes I don't really realise.

im afraid that I don't have ocd polar and it's scaring me. Pocd Thoughts of asking my partner to harm my daughter and then thoughts of him saying no and then me saying I want him to and that because he loves me he would and it's driving me nuts ugh. These don't seem like ocd thoughts, they feel as though they're a conversation I want to happen?? They wouldn't be classed as thoughts..

i am trying to change the way I think but it's hard 

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Yeah I hear ya. Who has conversations in their head except a pedophile, right? I know. Those kind of thoughts started for me when I was 15 and didn't stop for three and a half decades. I would have awful conversations with myself, almost playing out a role. I know exactly what you're going through. I learned that a bit of it was obsessions but most of it was compulsions.

Most of what's going on in your mind when it comes to these thoughts is a compulsion. And that means you can control it and even stop it. Yeah, it takes a lot of work and it's frustrating. But it sure is nice when you can stop and the thoughts start bugging you less.

It's all OCD. 

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Thank you for replying so quick.

its nice also to hear someone else has been through the same thing.

I understand thoughts of asking him but then thinking of his reply and then my reply to his reply don't seem like thoughts, it's so confusing and I didn't know ocd could take on this sort of form? OCD certainly does work in mysterious ways and in any way possible to make the sufferer panic and freak out.

 

I appreciate you taking the time to reply so quick so thank you.

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You're welcome.

And yes, compulsions can lead you to having conversations in your head... In your case two sides of a conversation. It's enough to drive you batty but it's all normal in an OCD world.

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