Feeling very anxious again (don't think it ever really stops)

[Guest tigerlady]

I hope things get easier for you, soon.

I believe in you.

Sounds trite, but I do.

[Caramoole]

3 hours ago, Saz said:

perhaps it's a bit of both

It can be, and very probably is.  The first problem (the real relationships problems) I'd put on the back-burner for now...unless it was something reallydire or dangerous.  The second, the Relationship type OCD, you need to be working at the rumination side of things and resisting that compulsion to think and work it out for half the day.

You guys are expecting a new baby soon and you (in particular) need to get into calmer waters to deal with that and enjoy your new little person.  You can attempt to fix the niggles later.  Relationships do change with time, we do often take each other for granted, life can and does become humdrum, more centred around supermarket shopping, who's not put their socks in the washing basket, who's picking the kids up or who hasn't done the recycling!!  Many of us long for the days of being "In Love", rather than the general "Love & familiarity" of being with a person over time.  Some may disagree with me but I think most relationships evolve into the second type of love with time.  I had a close friend who spent decades chasing the "In Love" phase.....panicking at the 3 year point because it had "all gone wrong"....so she'd call it a day, meet someone else and all was hunky dory until the next time things became mundane.  You're not alone wanting to be loved, desired, shown affection.....especially being a busy Mum with OCD....if you asked at the school gates you'd probably find more Mums who'd step into your camp than would stand in the other one.  It's perfectly reasonable to ask for (and expect) love and affection from a partner.....but add OCD into the mix and we can ramp up the expectations big time.  The OCD can make us nag and raise the situation more than normal....that also puts pressure on the other half.  Suddenly, you have a situation that has become a problem.

Tread water for a while and work at dealing with the OCD, it can only benefit you all round.  You can then work at and tweek the rest later on.  I've been married for longer than you've lived......and it ain't perfect, it isn't always the "Love Affair" we had at the beginning.......but it doesn't always mean it's all gone wrong.  Much of life (sadly) becomes very ordinary.

Take some time to work on the OCD, the obsessive side of things and then you'll be in a better place to work at improving the other areas.

[Saz]

Thanks caramoole. I feel like my posts must be exhausting you! Hope my negativity doesn't rub off on anyone on here. I need to look after myself more. I might book in for a massage or some reflexology. I don't want to be upset or worrying about things when the baby comes. I've already had post natal depression once before and don't want it again. 

Yesterday was a very bad day and I felt so low and lost. I've managed to have a good sleep without waking up once (that is a miracle). I must have needed it. It was weird yesterday because 2 things popped into my reality to do with relationships and what I'm going through without me searching for them. The first one was a blog by the nice guy who does the ocd stories, Stuart I think his name is. His blog appeared on my twitter news feed and it was about ROCD and how many of us wrongly assume every other relationshipis perfect - and ours isn't. Then I watched an episode of Ordinary Lies, again this was based on relationships, and the very last sentence in the whole episode was something along the lines of 'the relationships your seeing (as in seemingly perfect ones) are all an illusion.' So that kind of hit home and made sense. I do feel like some changes need to be made by both of us though, his attitude and my over worrying. Although a bot of a catch 22 because I wouldn't worry as much if I didn't have cause too. I do need to work on those little 'nonsense' worries that can blow out of proportion though - I accept that.

I really don't want to be dealing with 2 issues- false memory and this.....I say 2 but it's probably more like 3 or 4. I'm still not over worrying about my mum and her brain hemorrhage  (it's almost been a year) She's struggling a bit emotinally and financially and even though she's worked all her life they are making it very difficult not to give her her pension, it sickens me. She is having to work while still not fully recovered.  But again I've gone a bit off topic. 

I take on board everything you have said in your last post. I did get a bit worried about the bit where you said my relationship issues could well be both ocd and non ocd problems (which I totally accept) but then how do I know my false memory isn't both? As in some of it real? I feel like you probably won't answer that but it would be helpful to me to know the answer as I do get very worried about this very thing. 

Thanks for everything caramoole. X

tigerlady - thank you too. Hope your ok. X

[Caramoole]

4 hours ago, Saz said:

I did get a bit worried about the bit where you said my relationship issues could well be both ocd and non ocd problems (which I totally accept) but then how do I know my false memory isn't both?

Come on Saz.....put that OCD head back in its box.  Totally different scenarios.  Do you know of any relationship that doesn't have some issues of some sort? I don't.  So this is the point you put the brakes on the rumination and stop over-thinking "Yes, but what if?" type questions.  That's 100% OCD

[Saz]

I know what your saying caramoole. I know all these 'what if' questions are ocd...its just I dont know if the initial worry/worries are ocd...so I potentially have ocd over real events. Anyway I'm off to do some halloween facepainting on myself as my mum has kids and partner is out watching the football x

[PolarBear]

Sorry Saz, OCD doesn't work that way. You cannot have done something truly outrageous and then get intrusive thoughts about it. You figured that's the way things were in one of your endless rumination sessions but you're dead wrong.

In real life OCD, sufferers become fixated on minor mistakes from their past. Everyone around them says they are minor. With false memory OCD the intrusive thoughts are about major negative events. The two are completely different.

[Caramoole]

Quote

I know what your saying caramoole. I know all these 'what if' questions are ocd...its just I dont know if the initial worry/worries are ocd

....and as I've said a hundred times Saz, sadly, you can't have that certainty......it's part of the problem, so keep trying to let that go and live with the doubt.  That's the crux of the problem (and the solution)  Treat it as OCD without the certainty.  It's what you have to do.  Got it?

[Saz]

10 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Sorry Saz, OCD doesn't work that way. You cannot have done something truly outrageous and then get intrusive thoughts about it. You figured that's the way things were in one of your endless rumination sessions but you're dead wrong.

In real life OCD, sufferers become fixated on minor mistakes from their past. Everyone around them says they are minor. With false memory OCD the intrusive thoughts are about major negative events. The two are completely different.

Sorry polarbear i don't understand x

I'm trying caramoole x

Edited October 30, 2016 by Saz

[Caramoole]

3 hours ago, Saz said:

Sorry polarbear i don't understand x

You genuinely may not undertand but what you;re actually doing here is fishing for more clarity, more certainty and reassurance.  The same pattern as has been going on for a long time.  e.g "I need to undertand this bit, I have to be certain in order to move on"

This is where you're falling down Saz.  Even if you don't understand this one point PB has made there have been pages and pages written with explanations.....this area of explanation has to cease to a large extent....you have to draw a line now and move forward despite the lack of certainty or explanation.

[taurean]

Do make some brief notes Saz, then you have something firm to refer to to remind you of what to do. It's easy to password protect a document in word on pc or laptop, or a storage app in a mobile phone. 

This little gem may help.

In my opinion, carrying out compulsions in OCD doesn't resolve the anxiety and bad feelings - and the obsessive thoughts , unless addressed in CBT, will stick around, get worse, Why?

Because this is whence we get the vicious circle (vicious flower) of :

intrusive  thoughts - , our emotional reaction -  our behavioural response - and the feelings of lack of control - in the vicious circle, our worsening response encourages the intrusions .

That's why we must do what bear and Caramoole say - take on some pain by tackling compulsions, for longer term gain as intrusions given no response should do  the opposite to in the vicious circle, and begin to ease off.

Now, this is exactly what those who have go better from OCD report - I have just given a little more reasoning why. 

Do make a note of this Saz, and the key of what the others have told you just above. then you won't have to keep asking what to do, but if you need some support doing it, we can supply it.

I remember you said that you felt the forum had far more understanding of this particular subject than the therapist. Well, that may well be so - so

time to follow that guidance once and for all, and lay off that deadly ruminating, asking for clarity, etc.

You can do this - i'ts no more painful , but you can work towards getting those intrusions under better management, and it will help with the other issues.

Edited October 30, 2016 by taurean
clarification

[PolarBear]

5 hours ago, Saz said:

Sorry polarbear i don't understand x

In a post you said you think you may have OCD over real events. You are saying that maybe your awful thoughts are true, that you really did something horrific, but now you have OCD over it.

I am telling you that you are wrong. OCD doesn't work that way. You may have convinced yourself of that but it doesn't make it true.

There is a theme called real life OCD where something actually did happen. However with that theme, the thing that happened is considered by everyone around the sufferer to be minor in origin. The sufferer becomes fixated on some insignificant event in their past. But yours is not an insignificant event, is it? It's something major. You are not suffering from real event OCD.

You cannot have committed something horrible and then have OCD over it. It's just not going to happen.

[Saz]

Thanks for clarifying that pb. I understand what you mean. You know what I'm going to say now don't you ? I'm going to say well maybe I am suffering from real event ocd and I just couldn't remember it straight away. This is what my mind is like. It's like a proper whirlwind of thoughts running round so fast, nor giving me peace. Don't reply if you don't want to, I'm just letting g you know how I feel. X

Roy thank you also x

[Guest tigerlady]

4 minutes ago, Saz said:

This is what my mind is like. It's like a proper whirlwind of thoughts running round so fast, nor giving me peace.

I know how you feel. It's like our brains are always looking for ways to make us think we're bad.

I wish I could help, because it's awful, feeling like that 

[Caramoole]

17 hours ago, Saz said:

You know what I'm going to say now don't you

Then stop, think and don't say it Saz or you're just back on that merry-go-round all over again.  You have to make a decision to change how you respond to these "Yes but" doubts or all the help in the World won't make any difference.  If we just complete the same circle, with the same outcome, we reach the same starting point and it will just happen time and again.  For us to keep answering the same questions is counter-productive it just makes us accomplices who are helping you worsen the situation.

[taurean]

Just a reminder how to copy to word then password protect.

Copy

Minimise the forum.

Open, then minimise , a new word document.

Reopen the forum. Highlight text to copy by left click, hold and drag.

Right click in the text, then copy

Minimise the forum, re-open the word document.

Right click then paste to copy over the text.

continue for the various bits from a thread you wish to copy over.

Password Protect

click the file tab, then info

Then Protect Document, then in the encrypt document box, type a password then click ok. Remember passwords are case sensitive.

Make a note of your password in a separate safe place.

[Caramoole]

How's it going Saz?

[Saz]

Hi caramoole.

Erm...ok, kind of ? I'm trying to get on with it all and be strong.  I've been tying not to post on here as feel it's like a compulsion - even though I feel alone and lost when I don't. 

Hope your ok x

[Caramoole]

17 minutes ago, Saz said:

 I've been tying not to post on here as feel it's like a compulsion - even though I feel alone and lost when I don't. 

That's good in one sense...especially those compulsive because "that" thought is bugging you BUT you should stick around and try and work with other users to perfect what you're trying to do, to help spot mistakes etc.  Don't just go underground being strong but essentially putting up with it.  The remit is "changing it"

Caramoole

[Saz]

Yes your right.  Its finding that balance of not just putting up with it but facing up to it and changing my habits.  I've been thinking about what I do when I get a thought and I somehow recognise it but im still allowing it to bring me down for the rest of the day and cause upset. X

[Caramoole]

Recognising it is a good starting point, keep working on it....watch how it starts, what you do/don't do that follows etc......it's by recognising the patterns that you can then improve on the next step.  Up until now it's been automatic....thought/panic/melt down.

Keep with it

[Saz]

How do I know Ive not got ptsd? Maybe that's why I feel so dreadful x

[Caramoole]

1 hour ago, Saz said:

How do I know Ive not got ptsd? Maybe that's why I feel so dreadful x

Hmmmmm.....  Do you seriously think I'm even going to go there Saz? Don't even try me on that one

But let's use it as homework.  Think it through. What do you think that thought is?  What mistakes are you making in relation to the thought?  What "new" action should you be trying rather than the habitual one?

[Saz]

11 hours ago, Caramoole said:

Hmmmmm.....  Do you seriously think I'm even going to go there Saz? Don't even try me on that one

But let's use it as homework.  Think it through. What do you think that thought is?  What mistakes are you making in relation to the thought?  What "new" action should you be trying rather than the habitual one?

Sorry..It just gets me so worried and anxious that I think these thoughts. I guess this thought is just an intrusive one caused by anxiety/over thinking?  I should acknowledge it as such and try to get on with my day. X

[Caramoole]

2 hours ago, Saz said:

I guess this thought is just an intrusive one caused by anxiety/over thinking?  I should acknowledge it as such and try to get on with my day. X

Yes, and it shows that you're still ruminating to try and work things out in your head to solve this.  It's back to understandng that this again is OCD.  To look for those times when your brain has automatically slipped into the rumination and bring it back into the moment.  You can stop yourself from ruminating....at the moment you are so used to doing it, it happens seamlessly but you bring it to a stop.  It will happen again, you become aware of what you're doing, acknowledge it and back into the moment.  You are literally trying to become aware of these automatic responses and then retraining your brain to react differently.

[Saz]

Thanks Caramoole. 

I understand that the ruminating and trying to work things out is the ocd part but it's the actual thought that's the problem for me, as in is it false memory or not and thats why i do the ruminating....Grrr I feel like I'm going round in circles ? I've got myself a bit confused about intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming too. It's been talked about on another recent thread and ive posted on it too. X