Feeling very anxious again (don't think it ever really stops)

[jampot]

What is self talk?

[snowbear]

4 minutes ago, jampot said:

What is self talk?

Self talk is the stuff we say to ourselves in our heads. It can pull us down in a negative spiral or it can be uplifting and helpful.

Examples of bad 'self talk': I can't do this. I'm a bad person, everybody hates me, I'm useless, I don't deserve to be happy  

Examples of good 'self talk': I can do this!  I'm learning. I'll get better with practise. Thinking strange thoughts doesn't make me a bad person. When I make a mistake I deserve to be forgiven. I deserve to be happy. I deserve the chance to get well and live my life to the full.

[taurean]

And you haven't answered re the simple brief notes of what you need to do Saz. Until you get the hang of it, you need something to hang your hat on. 

You are OK behind the password of access to here, so what is the problem briefly noting what you need to do behind a password? 

Unless you have, and work, a plan this is not going to get better. There will be setbacks, but that is so for all of us. 

And you need to do your "homework" as Caramoole is saying - that can go into your protected place. Without the work nothing will change.

 

[Saz]

8 hours ago, taurean said:

That's right. 

If you have made some simple notes to understand what you need to do, and why, then you won't be forgetting and having to ask us over again. Have you made those notes yet Saz? 

You can report in with progress or glitches and get the appropriate response. 

If you come on looking at other threads for certainty you will certainly fail because other topics will set you back on the wrong trail - going backwards. So I would simply focus on family job and your own therapy.

You won't miss anything - we give the same story to everyone. 

I feel like I do understand what I need to do but obviously it's always harder to put into practice - but I'm trying. I dont tend to read anywhere near the amount of thteads as i used to as im pretty drained with it all, will be one or two and not everyday or anything like that. X

4 hours ago, Caramoole said:

.......But apart from resisting the forums, what other things are you actively doing to address things as opposed to just putting up with things?  Have you made lists of potential compulsions, of self-talk, avoidance behaviours etc?  Did you ever download the book I suggested, if not, why not?  What's your plan of attack?

I think I have listed on this (extremely long) thread what my compulsions are and I am working on them. I am trying to make sure I'm not just putting up with things - again very hard to do.  I just thought if I try not to post when im anxious then thats one compulsion being dealt with. I find myself not wanting to socialise as much (I know im pregnant but even so i could perhaps go out with friends a little more), I guess this is an avoidance. Sorry caramoole what was the name of the book you suggested? I feel like I might have, was it to do with worry? X

[taurean]

31 minutes ago, Saz said:

If you have made some simple notes to understand what you need to do, and why, then you won't be forgetting and having to ask us over again. Have you made those notes yet Saz? 

You have ducked the answer again Saz.

Copy  over and save the bits you need into a protected document - you won't feel like finding this thread and going through it - please will you do this for us? 

There will be an app in your phone allowing you to save stuff like this, and the help features will explain how to password protect it if you need to.

It will always then be there if you lose track and need reminding. 

And posting will just be for support or problems with the therapy. 

 

Edited November 16, 2016 by taurean
clarity

[Saz]

Sorry Roy I'm not very technical. Also i only written on here as I seen that I was asked a question x

[taurean]

Understood. 

But you can't do this without some brief notes. You will not find the brief bits you need amongst the massive content on your threads. 

A friend could show you how to set up and utilise a personal electronic folder. Or you can simply write things down. 

My missus has self-worth and white coat hypertension (fear of health professionals)  issues, plus she is living with someone with OCD!  

She keeps some written notes of what helps her, in case she needs to remind herself. 

It's not going to work for you without some simple record of keeping on track. 

[taurean]

We benefit from therapy with brief guideline of what we need to do specific to our current OCD issues. 

Mine is basic, simple and valuable. 

I don't need to refer to it much now though.  Why?  Because the whole idea of CBT is to get out of our bad habits and learn new practices on a path to rendering issues benign so they lose power and frequency. Gradually replacing the unhelpful habits and responses is necessary. 

But when I need a reminder, it is there. 

You need this as your rock at first, before it becomes usual practice. 

 

Edited November 17, 2016 by taurean
clarification

[Caramoole]

17 hours ago, Saz said:

think I have listed on this (extremely long) thread what my compulsions are and I am working on them.  

The thing is Saz, there will probably be a lot more less obvious compulsions that you haven't properly identified.  Probably thoughts, self-depracating statements etc, it helps to catch these thoughts and work out whether they have become mental compulsions.  Look carefully at your thinking immediately after you have OCD-type/anxious thoughts.

Quote

Sorry caramoole what was the name of the book you suggested? I feel like I might have, was it to do with worry? X

You probably don't have it, it's a newly released book dealing with OCD, anxiety, panic attacks & related depression.  Ashley recently reviewed the book which you can read by clicking the link below.  It's about £10.50 for Kindle download or £13.80 for the paperback version.  Treat yourself for Christmas.

 

[Saz]

It must be those very subtle compulsions that are making me feel so bad then. They must be that subtle that I'm struggling to identify them and I'm seeing them more as a constant feeling of dread in me. They must all be rolling into one horrible feeling. Caramoole I have felt horrific today, really, really not myself at all. Again I hate to report into you with that as I know your mostly just wanting to hear how I'm challenging the thoughts - so I apologise for that. Don't worry you don't have to say anything or reassure me.  I'll perhaps download the book then x

[taurean]

That might help you to see you have to do the work to challenge and resist ; and to do that you need guidelines to follow, tools to use. 

I read the synopsis of this book, plus the therapist is co-principal of the practice I utilised. 

[Caramoole]

5 hours ago, Saz said:

It must be those very subtle compulsions that are making me feel so bad then. They must be that subtle that I'm struggling to identify them and I'm seeing them more as a constant feeling of dread in me. They must all be rolling into one horrible feeling. Caramoole I have felt horrific today, really, really not myself at all.

They can be very subtle and we may not be aware that we're doing them but they'll be there.  If they weren't you wouldn't feel in a constant state of dread or horrifically anxious.  Anxiety is a response to something, to fear thoughts.....if there was no reaction, there'd be no fear.  It doesn't all have to be OCD thoughts, it can be a mixture of general fear thoughts, things like a constant dialogue of "Why do I always feel like this, what if it never goes away, I feel awful, I must be different, there's no hope for me"  It can be a reaction to the physical sensations of anxiety....noticing a familiar thing like a sinking feeling in the stomach, of palpitations, tight heads.....whatever they are and we think "Oh no, here it is again, I'm going to have another bad day"  We come to dread these thoughts and feelings, wish them away and when they're there we get into the endless cycle of fear.....and trust me, you will be reacting and interacting with them.  That's why it's important to be aware of all the things you're saying to yourself.  It's the reaction, the fear of that perpetuates the problem.

5 hours ago, Saz said:

Again I hate to report into you with that as I know your mostly just wanting to hear how I'm challenging the thoughts - so I apologise for that

No need to apologise   You're right, I do want to hear that you're challenging the thoughts because I want you to feel better and I've seen how you've either fallen into the rounds of constant compulsions or just continued stoically on without making any changes.  I'm pushing you Saz for you, not for me because sometimes we do need pushing to change something that needs changing.  This isn't about telling you off or you being in trouble or that you feel awful and are struggling.....that's what we're here for but not just as a platform to live out the OCD problems.  We've done that bit and now we need to write a new chapter.

Get that book downloaded and get reading!

[Saz]

Thanks caramoole, you have summed it up well actually,  the way you describe the subtle compulsions and endless cycle...It must be what is going on with me. More so these past few months and certainly these past few days I've felt the physical effects of the anxiety...The knots in my stomach, the tightness in my chest, the agitation, the quick shallow breathing and the not being able to concentrate or sleep great. So I guess adding that to all the other stuff with the false memory like racing thoughts, relationship worries and general everyday worries with the kids, my family, etc etc them I'm actually surprised I'm still standing lol! It's exhausting and I do feel I'm almost at breaking point. Will see if I can down load the book or order it as I don't have a kindle  x

[Caramoole]

Order the book then, you'll get it within a couple of days.  It's a positive "doing" step

[Caramoole]

52 minutes ago, Saz said:

So I guess adding that to all the other stuff with the false memory

Let's ditch that phrase "False Memory" and let's call it "My OCD".......giving it your title gives it a sort of importance, just let it become OCD

[Saz]

Ok fair dos. Not sure why I even say false memory - it's not like I believe it is lol. Anyway yes I'll order the book if I can x

[Caramoole]

23 minutes ago, Saz said:

Ok fair dos. Not sure why I even say false memory - it's not like I believe it is lol. Anyway yes I'll order the book if I can x

Good.......'Cos I'll be on your tail  

[taurean]

Why not go back through the thread Saz to where Caramoole and I told you what you need to do and make some brief hand-written notes. 

There will be an app on the phone where you can keep notes. Mine is called "Keep" If I open it it says "make a note"  to click on. I can type them or speak them, title the note and press save - I am no expert with IT but this is simple. 

Once you have done that you can destroy the notes? 

If you don't have to hand what you should be doing, how can you apply it?  Eventually it should become automatic and you won't need to refer to the notes - but just leaving that information stuck in one of many topics,where you won't find it, won't work Saz. 

[taurean]

Or you can copy and paste into such an app. 

I opened up Keep, titled a document "my therapy"  then switched back into a thread. 

I highlighted the area I wanted to copy - on my android phone you press then hold till two handles appear then drag the handles over the area to copy. 

Then I clicked the copy icon top switched back into keep pressed on the document to see the paste popup then pressed that 

The text copied over and I saved it 

Works a treat. 

You can save more highlights into the app. Either copy and paste them before saving, or open the app then the document before copying and pasting. 

Edited November 18, 2016 by taurean
addition

[Saz]

Thanks Roy. 

Sorry to bother you all again but I've been really upset. It seems to be everything. I'm worrying over everything. I'm getting anxious and upset all the time. Do you think I have generalised anxiety too? I can't read a sad story without ending up in tears. I read about a young girl who sadly passed from cancer today and I've been in bits, you should see me, but I'm now worrying about my kids and imagining if they get it too. I'm worried about my partner and our relationship. I'm worried about me and what if something happens to me. My thoughts seem to be very racy and fast but very distressing. Just this morning I was very short of breath and I have no idea if this is normal or if it's all anxiety related. Everything is making me upset though. I don't feel myself. I have all this going on aswell as the other issue. Not sure if I should be mentioning all this to the midwife of gp. Don't want a fuss or for them to think I can't cope x

[Caramoole]

Hi Saz

I'm really sorry you're not feeling good, I do know how awful that feels and how debilitating it is....But......and it's a very big but.  As awful as everything seems right now, sadly, the remedy remains just the same, and it's the same whichever label you apply, OCD or GAD.  Unless you can change how you deal with the problem, it isn't going to improve.

I certainly would consider seeing your GP (not sure the Midwife will be able to help much) because you're not really managing very easily at applying self-help methods.  It must be difficult with a job, a young family and the pregnancy, it's a lot to handle.  There isn't really anything new that we can say to help until you try and give the advice a determined attempt and you're clearly struggling to cope with that on your own.  Have a chat to your GP and see what they suggest

[Saz]

Morning caramoole and thank you.

I have heard that the 2 are closely linked. I don't want to go into work this morning but I'll go in and make a gp appointment for Wednesday afternoon when I finish. Its too much and I'm a bit lost. I get very worried though that they will think I'm not coping as a mum, which I am, my kids are very well cared for and doing great in school and excel at sports etc and ate kind, caring kids, but it's me that's struggling, just me. I'm exhausted this morning. X

Do any of you here do telephone calls? Like I mean as charity helpline? But would I get to speak to any of you that have been helping me? X 

Edited November 21, 2016 by Saz

[Caramoole]

5 hours ago, Saz said:

But would I get to speak to any of you that have been helping me? X

Unfortunately No.  Except of course Ashley, he is available by phone.  The advice though would be very similar and runs the risk of becoming reassurance seeking via a different channel.  Did you ever order the self-help book I suggested or read the review?

[Saz]

Ok I won't ring then, sometimes it's just good to have someone to actually talk to, but I guess it's all just the same in the end and will be the same advice.

yes I did read the review but haven't ordered it yet. I see polarbear has one out too on false memory but not sure if that's a good idea for me (as much as I want to read it) as it might be like reassurance seeking....I don't know x

[Caramoole]

21 minutes ago, Saz said:

I see polarbear has one out too on false memory

Polar Bears book is an excellent book but it is an account of his personal story rather than a self help book.  At the moment it's not the right book for you, I think it would be more a case of you looking to relate than anything, which isn't what you need. " Pulling the trigger" is both a personal account from a sufferer and a self-help book and would be better for you right now.

I really appeciate your struggle and the distress it causes Saz but you seem to have a resistance to using any self-help methods and ultimately, you will have to put the work in and change your approach to getting better if that's what you want to do.  Whether it's with a therapist or alone, it's you on a day to day basis that will have to do the work.  There isn't very much that can be said that hasn't already been said, no magic nugget that will just click things into place.  There is a lot of support here though to help you face these things and fine-tune your own therapy journey.