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Saz

Feeling very anxious again (don't think it ever really stops)

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20 hours ago, Saz said:

Although it sounds like a great read, I'm worried I'll just be buying it for the wrong reasons, like I'll be buying it for a quick fix. 

Why so Saz?  Explain that.  There's no quick fix about it, it's a lot of applied hard work.......but I suspect you are expecting to simply "read" a book and Bingo, you'll be cured, that's probably what happened with the one book (below) that you've read. :no: Sorry it doesn't work like that

1 hour ago, Saz said:

I've only really read one book...think it was break free from ocd...I didnt find it that helpful to be honest

 

1 hour ago, Saz said:

People seem to forget that I was perfectly happy and 'normal' before this one night (possibly mild ocd trait's growing up). I've not been a life long sufferer like a lot of other people on here 

Given the thousands of posts that have been made over the last few years, this demonstrates that you're really not taking on board what is being explained to you Saz :( No-one is misunderstanding or forgetting anything.  OCD starts somewhere, I was absolutely fine until my twenties and then "Bang", one day, one minute, one second later, everything came tumbling down.  You are still believing (at some level) that your experience is unique, and it's not.

I do feel really sorry for you because I understand how wretched you are feeling but until you make a shift in thinking, until you accept that this is OCD (despite the doubt it will taunt you with) you're going to keep feeling wretched.  

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Hi caramoole. I understand it has to start from somewhere but in my experience I feel like I've just labelled it that because I can't fully remember or understand what happend.  Isn't it more likely that it's not false memory given that I was perfectly fine that night but awoke the next day with intense anxiety/worry? Then I went and got myself tested incase someone took advantage of me or even worse me of them. Texting people like crazy necause id felt like id done something terrible. Crying to my friemd and not being to eat. Going to the drs too as i felt like sonething had happened. I'm in bed upset again. Im so depressed.

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Please, what does anyone think of what I said above?  Feeling really upset.

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You're craving someone to reassure you, either by giving you that one nugget of information that will "click" and make you feel better or even (daft as it may sound) by agreeing with you.

Okay....let's go with your version, it's not false memory.  Take yourself off to the Police Station, hand yourself in to the authorities and let them investigate....and you know what?  They will probably shrug their shoulders and send you on your way......maybe they won't, maybe they'll give you a hard time, question you, cause you even more grief and anxiety than you're already suffering.....but then Saz, they will still send you on your way.....and guess what, you still won't be convinced......you'll still be doubting, you'll still be experiencing all the same doubts, fears and worries and find yourself exactly where you are today.

You have got to face up to this once and for all.  Waiting for certainty before you proceed isn't going to work, you have to face this feeling very uncertain and disbelieving.

OCD is a bag of absolute poop.....it is horrendous, it's frightening, it's utterly convincing.....each and every one of us (despite how it manifests) is no different, in our own way, we've all experienced that terror, that doubt, with slightly different variations.  You've got to consign all these "Yes but in my case" to the trash can and start to accept, yes you suffer, yes this is intolerable BUT.....this is what OCD does.  You have to draw a line, accept responsibility to change things and then start to do it......and that doesn't mean enduring it, it means changing "how" you do it.....and you're not doing that Saz.  I'm really sorry for having to say that but you have to take a stance in this and be determined to change things, despite not being certain.

Your particular fears may seem unique or different because they're happening to you, the pain and anxiety will feel real enough for sure......but they're just a variation on a theme that many people suffer from.  You have to reach a point where you accept this is OCD and start the process of dealing with it (difficult as that process is) or you stay stuck exactly where you are.  

I really wish I could apologise for being tough on you Saz.....but I can't......I don't want you to stay in this place and someway, some how, something needs to be said that will get through to you......your current behaviours (compulsions etc) are the very thing that is keeping you stuck.  You have absolutely nothing to lose by changing this.....you can only gain.  Sticking with doing things the way you do will guarantee the endless cycle of extreme anxiety.  Come on Saz, you have to change the method :(

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Hi caramoole. Sorry for late reply.

I could go to the police station and they could investigate and my fears could be true though...that's what I don't understand. I read something you said on snowbears thread where you said criminals can have ocd...you can probably guess what I'm thinking.

I hate replying to people because I always come back with an answer that is the opposite to what you are telling me or it seems like I'm going against you. X

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If you went to the police station and reported what you think you know, they would either laugh you out of the building or go ahead and do an investigation and find nothing. And because you have OCD, you would NOT be satisfied with that. Oh no. The doubt would come back and you'd be back to the starting point, ruminating over your intrusive thoughts like crazy, making up crazy excuses like the police didn't do a proper investigation, you didn't tell them the right things, and on and on. Going to the police wouldn't even make a dent in your thinking patterns. You'd remain stuck and you'd be back here telling us how awful it all is. You'd continue doing compulsions and you'd continue to be stuck.

Of course criminals can have OCD. No big deal there. Of course, in your current mindset, you look at that fact as proof you must have done something wrong. It's not proof of anything. You have NO proof that you've done anything wrong. None. You've never had it, you don't have it now and you won't have it five years in the future (a future that will come soon enough if you don't change your ways). A murderer does not have intrusive thoughts about murder. A pedophile does not have intrusive thoughts about raping children. And you don't have intrusive thoughts about X while you did X. OCD just doesn't work that way.

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5 hours ago, Saz said:

I hate replying to people because I always come back with an answer that is the opposite to what you are telling me or it seems like I'm going against you

You're not going against me, you're going against yourself.  But yes, you do always come back with an answer that's opposite to what I/we are telling you......food for thought there Saz, time to re-think your whole approach and resistance to this.  You're still looking for 100% certainty despite being informed you simply can't have it, and you can't, it's a futile strategy.  If you don't try and change the way you approach this you're going to stay pretty much stuck, sadly.

Only you can take the next steps Saz.....that is to implement the advice, not just read it.

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Really sad to see you posting the same old things Saz, over and over :( It's been so many years of wasted time now, so many years of asking for advice but not agreeing with what you hear, no matter how many people say it.  Time to change, Saz :(

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26 minutes ago, Saz said:

Yep it's a sad situation x

yet again you seem to be missing the fact that you, and you alone, are maintaining this situation year after year.  It sounds harsh but nobody is doing this to you - you're doing it to yourself. 

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"We can help ourselves by seeking not to let the small things get us down.

How many times on the OCD forum will we say to others – I can see it is daft, but…….So many of our issues are small things that anxiety disorders will exaggerate, catastrophise on, distort. But  we can put these in perspective."

This is an extract from a project I have been working on. 

This disorder focuses on things that non - sufferers wouldn't give time of day to - and tries to make us give the time of many days to them. 

Across this forum at the moment plenty of that is going on. 

We are "sweating the small stuff"  exactly what anxiety and stress advisors tell us not to do. 

When we ourselves really see it as a load of unwanted valueless mental piffle, that's when we start to build up the strength to begin resisting and carrying on doing so. 

 

 

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