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sexual orienatation


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Hi everyone

I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 33 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore.   It is making me very depressed, costing me hours of my life thinking and ruminating and to my mind has no resolution in sight. It goes on and on and I thought it's time I ask for advice because it has been a very private problem that has stayed in my head in many years now.

**  I had ten sessions of CBT this summer and I know I need not to check and look at photos etc but it is so so hard. Also how can I stop thinking about the subject even if I am not checking, ie the ruminating about who I am?

I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself. I couldn't tell you if I am straight, gay, bi-sexual, a-sexual but it is making my life so tough at the moment!

I have read a bit about HOCD (excuse the acronym) and much of it seems to ring true with the obsessing and anxiety I am experiencing around my personal life. I was just hoping by posting on here, someone might be able to give me some practical advice of how I can help myself and get to the bottom of this. I've some bad times with the OCD but I have never felt so low as I do with issue which gives me many dark thoughts and hours of ruminating and anxiety.

I know I shouldn't check and analyse but it seems it be on mind morning, noon and night and I can't escape it.
 

 

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Yeah, you can escape it. You basically answered your own questions. You know that checking pictures online is a compulsion. You know that sitting there ruminating over your sexuality is a compulsion. We don't need to explain that to you. So you have to take the next step and that is to begin stopping doing those compulsions.

It is the compulsions that are keeping you stuck. They keep the subject top of mind, where it bothers you even more and leads to more intrusive thoughts, which leads to more compulsions. You have to break the cycle. And yes, it's very hard to do but it can be done.

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